Monday, April 6, 2009

Ladies Get It From the Horse's Mouth

If you are happily coupled or not looking then you may proceed to the next blog post. If you are reevaluating your dating experiences or in an unsatisfactory relationship proceed with caution. I saw the following post "From A Brotha" at the NecoleBitchie blog which was culled from her comment section in response to another entry. It's harsh...but it needs to be said:
Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we’re about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a “relationship”. Many women will deny they think like this but I’m speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman. Now what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The “other woman” is not breaking up a “happy home”. 
Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop “rewarding” unfaithful men by pretending it ain’t happening. Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. If you can’t answer BASIC questions about a man DON’T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn’t KILL people but now? 
There’s no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself - sexually AND emotionally. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won’t change a damn thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what’s wrong with BM/BW relationships.
Now bear in mind this can apply to all women but he is specifically addressing Black women and it's something some (most?) of us need to hear. This is much more useful than that Steve Harvey book - which shares a similar theme and a title with another author. The man is speaking the truth and telling women we are responsible for the quality (and quantity) of the men in our lives. Since (some) women seem to like hearing dating advice from men let's hope Oprah invites this guy on her show. Need I mention the 70% out of wedlock birth rate and the majority unmarried status for Black women in this country? 

I'm not here to judge but unless you're well-off or a celebrity is this really going to pan out for most of us? Those are the exceptions. Mistakes are things we do once - then it becomes a choice. Are the majority of us thriving and succeeding under the current status quo? Making empowered choices from a position of mental strength with our morality intact? If you look at the majority of other groups of women do you see the differences in their dating/mating patterns? Do you wonder why their experiences may differ so vastly in their majorities versus ours? It's not luck, preferences or just the way things are either. It's about choices. 

Once we make different choices our circumstances will reflect that. Our circumstances need to reflect that change that comes from adopting a new mindset.

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1 comment:

Khadija said...

YES! Knowing and acting upon the TRUTH will set BW free from all sorts of bondage (emotional, spiritual, sexual, etc.)! {raised fist salute}

Peace, blessings and solidarity.