Revisiting the Tale of Banita Jacks: How Unsupported Mothers Fall Through The Cracks

I've been getting an uptick in traffic from my original post on Banita Jacks from July. To bring you up to speed, Ms. Jacks is on trial for murdering her four children. Her story could be any woman's story. An average woman living life, with a career who decides to be a mother, loses her job, gets no help from immediate family or from the father(s) of her children, has a bank pursue foreclosing procedures on her home and she loses it. She was found in her home with their decomposing bodies and claimed they were possessed by demons.

Now the judge wants a review of her competency before sentencing.

Of course there were choices made that may not have ultimately been in her best interest that lead to this deterioration. The bottom line though is that she was failed. Failed by relatives and failed by a system. At the time Mayor Fenty said he wanted to go through the records of every agency that she'd been in contact with to made changes in evaluating at-risk women and children. But as usual actions > talk. He's since closed low-income child care centers in favor of dog parks! Yeah some people DO care more about their pets than other human beings (children). These are the same organizations that were supposed to be in place to help women like Banita Jacks. That didn't...and won't now that he's gutted them.

If you are a woman with limited resources a true assessment is in order regarding your life choices. Be it getting funding to attend college or a trade school or whether you bring another life into this world know that these programs are all in jeopardy especially in this current economic depression, recession, downturn. I wouldn't believe any "expert" that claims it has recovered. Maybe for the top 1% but not for the bottom 25%. If you are on your own and surrounded by unreliable people you may find yourself really on your own when you need help the most. Please don't take on any more burdens. If you are already in a challenging situation try to get help as quickly as possible. Don't make the mistake of thinking you can deal with it on your own.

This poor woman broke under the pressure of not having enough and harmed her children. Meanwhile we're chasing after the latest idiot male celebrity mocking us or excusing his past crimes committed against us without ever having made amends. Or some of us are acting surprised when we see the violent acts of youths committed against each other when we've allowed a savage mentality to flourish and influence them. We need to get our priorities straight.

The Tale of Banita Jacks: Another Unsupported Black Mother Cracks & Commits Filicide

National Brainwashing Plan To Condone the DBRs: Raising Him Alone

Obama's Warning to the Civil Rights Industrial Complex Will Go Largely Ignored

When the "First Black President" spoke to the oldest Civil Rights organization many saw this as a culmination of a "dream" and the struggle of millions of our formerly enslaved ancestors who "overcame". Cue the orchestra for this tender moment... 

Pause.

Ok I'm over it. Utter hogwash! 

Sorry but this isn't going to be a feel-good post about the merging of ideals within the "black community". Excuse me while I hurl. Obama is a fence-sitter on many significant issues regarding LGBT rights depending on which way his political career may go. He's a conflicted participant trying to hold another huge entity of dead ideals (that would be the CRIC TM WAOD) responsible for having an enforceable code of ethics. Well welcome to 2009 because we're not in 1959, 1969 and we're certainly not in 1999.  

First of all the "black community" is gasping its last few breaths for the collective of blacks who consider themselves part of something when joined strictly by race and a history of oppression by whites. They ignore seeking justice across the board, equality for black women and do not support LGBT rights as an whole. Just like the NAACP. Of course they're forgetting one thing: black people are also LGBT, living in black residential neighborhoods and often are doubly oppressed. Black female LGBTs including trans women have it the worst of course. They're raising children alone, face job discrimination as well as the extra threat of physical violence.

This is why I always discuss LGBT issues on this blog. Few blacks do because it's "controversial" or they have to face the mighty Wall of Hypocrisy from other blacks who want to use religion as the "Shield of Ironic Condemnation" that is only reserved for those sinners. Meanwhile the behavior of the masses reflects no discipline or standards. Don't you dare talk about their choices! Hence the 80% OOW birth rate, the lack of marriage and the perpetual joblessness amongst other things.

Khadija, blog host of Muslim Bushido broke it down on her post, The End of the Road for African-Americans, Part I about how the infrastructure in the "black community" doesn't support ONE THING. There is no independent economy, no group accountability and no social/political governance. So tell me what exactly is the NAACP good for? It's symbolism pure and simple. They're not the only do-nothing organization but they're the most readily thought-of. I don't see them as a benign stallworth of an era that has since passed. I think their purpose is to serve as an obstruction for any real progress. There's far too much money passing hands and zero transparency. Like BET, they are not a FRIEND TO BLACK PEOPLE!

They have a history of putting white people in charge or black men who give lots of speeches, pontificate on occasion and leave in a cloud of controversy over sexual misconduct. So far their current President Ben Jealous seems to be scandal-free (so far) but I'm not certain what he actually does. His prior work with Amnesty Int'l and career in social justice suggests he may have in fact been able to make some significant changes but with Julian Bond pulling the strings and a 64-member board of redirectionists holding the the purse I'm not expecting much. He may be infinitely qualified but he is a (token) symbol of of superficiality by a dead organization. They wanted their own bi-racial man who claims black heritage with a beautiful lawyer wife. Done and done. How juvenile can they be? 

I can't think of one initiative in recent memory these CRIC organizations have actually done to build an infrastructure that would support a community. That's for those still holding onto the idea there is one or one can be rebuilt. What have they done to lower the unemployment rate for blacks? They don't teach domination tactics. They can't get black men to accept responsibility for their children or to graduate college for goodness sake! They have got the "hand held out" beggar pose down to a tee. I wonder what the operating budget would be like if the white patronage went elsewhere? What investments do they have? I know that other blacks give money and time as well, largely African-American women doing the "save all of our people" dance - SOLO - as usual. If only they would pause, turn of the music and walk away the NAACP and others would have a whiplash-inducing about-face and suddenly find an agenda of relevance. We don't hold them accountable so they will remain ineffective.

Now there's word that the NAACP wants to stop focusing solely on black men feeling the butt end of white oppression and include other "people of color". We already know they don't do major campaigns that are for the benefit of black women. Well if those other POCs want to give money and time the way AA women do more power to them. It would give these women free time to find something else to do. If it's just lip service forget it! Including other groups who if the shoe was on the other foot are not seeking alliances with AAs is just further proof of their insanity. They already do as little as possible. Next they're going to open the bank for business and tell a select few to just come on in and take other people's money. 

In fact in The End of the Road for African-Americans Part 2, Khadija discusses material from the 2006 Harvest Institute Report, where Bob Law states:

Rather than demonstrate that leadership by leading their own people to the necessary levels of self-sufficiency and competitiveness, these leaders have abandoned the critical issues facing Black people and have begun to chase an ambiguous romanticized notion of alliances with other groups without any demonstration or even an explanation as to how these alliances will actually empower Black people.  ** I had to come back to add this portion. Sometimes when ppl are in agreement it isn't about cheering them on to gain favor but it's synchronicity.

When the black community collapses under the bloat of its uselessness I sincerely hope these organizations: NAACP, Urban League, National Urban Network, blah blah blah are the first ones to go. Color of Change is right up there following the same failed model. Quite frankly the CRIC deserves a swift demise. As well as the Black Church. They have been a HUGE disservice to the very people they claim to be helping. Like that wanna-be organization Raising Him Alone which is another Trojan Horse of the deathstyles of the supa fly (that would be us, er other blacks) I have zero sympathy for the confused and unfocused non-leadership. 

I'd love to see some of these other orgs like National Council of  Negro Women step up to the plate. Perusing their websites and objectives they are so woefully behind the times I don't even know where to begin. I see lots of ideas but I don't see a radical attempt at dismantling the sources. I'm certain many will disagree with me and if you want to take up that cause of getting the CRIC to "act right" feel free to do so. We see how successful that's been with regards to black men. I say it's time for all people of consciousness (compassion and common sense) to just LEAVE. Let them fix their internal squabbles, power plays and apathy on their own. Then they can prove their loyalty and relevancy. Of course that isn't going to happen and we'll be better off just focusing on our own needs, forming alliances with those prepared and able to be fully functioning partners. 

To all the naysayers: PROVE ME WRONG! Haha. I'd love to see you try.

*******

P.S. I read Raymond Leon Roker's piece in Huffington Post, NAACP vs. Gay Marriage. The timing was excellent as I was working on my response to Obama's speech. Thanks for the inspiration. It's also nice to see a black man defend LGBT rights and be so (fair) idealistic. Reading the comments it's the usual yada yada yada (nonsense). What do you think? 

Society Does Not Actively Support Single Motherhood (But The Black "Community" Does)

This is being cross-posted at What About Our Daughters and is a companion to Gina's post about Raising Him Alone being a Trojan Horse for black women.

Before we continue this conversation can we get a social scientist to name a society that has promoted the widespread acceptance and normalcy of single/never-married women raising children alone?

A few people didn't agree with my last post where I was critical of the Raising Him Alone organization. This is no dig at single mothers. I am all for providing training classes, parenting classes, financial classes, job skills, whatever the mother needs. Again just as with my posts about DBR (damaged beyond repair)-ism last week I got a lot of heat from people who felt uncomfortable with the subject matter. I pose my blog posts as conversations. These are conversations we NEED to be having but so many would prefer to avoid them. If we NEVER discuss the challenging and yes, painful aspects of pathologies we are doomed to repeat them. 

The OOW (out of wedlock) birth rate has increased by 300% across the board since the 1970's but is highest for black women at around 80%. Other groups of women are struggling with this as well but as we all know there's that added heaping of difficulty with blacks. Whatever people are doing it is NOT working and behavior MUST be modified. No one wants to admit the Anything Goes philosophy is literally killing black women (highest HIV rates) and lowering their quality of life across the board. Instead obfuscation tactics have been deployed. Trust me I understand. I used to get upset watching Suze Orman talk about being prepared financially for the pending economic downturn. She mentioned it 3.5 years ago. What she said made perfect sense but I didn't want to believe what she was saying because it would mean that I'd have to make changes. 

I am not a single mother. I am not a mother at all. That was a conscious choice on my part and I have guarded my reproductive choices fiercely. That does not in any way invalidate my observations. I could've easily gotten pregnant any number of times. Trust me the women in my family are typically very fertile. I'm the eldest of six! I decided I would not have any children unless and until I was happily married to a man who provided for and protected me. I didn't always use that language specifically but that's what I've always intended. 

Being married alone is not enough though. Lots of women are married to men who cheat on them or are perpetually unemployed. So it is all about CALIBER. We have to be very discerning in how we evaluate a potential mate. We may have to use judgment other than our own as well. That single decision of who we chose to mate with will alter the course of our entire life. It can be the difference between life and death. Do you want you and your children living with more hardships than necessary? 

Some women don't want children at all. Some want children under very specific situations. Sometimes life happens and we have to live with the choices we've already made. We can still move forward but ONLY if we are willing to do a stone-cold accurate assessment of where we stand. The truth must be spoken. For example I know I could be married right now but if I want to attract the highest caliber mate I have to make some adjustments in my life. So until and unless I do that work single is what I shall remain, but I don't have a lot of time to be playing around. If you are already a single or never-married woman with child(ren) you have some work to do. Unless you want to remain single or never-married, Raising Him Alone.  

Well that's not my wish for you and I'd hope you'd want more for yourself. My only wish is that all the young girls out there are able to make informed decisions fully invested in what they're doing before their lives are altered forever. Nobody is warning them, helping them or giving them adequate facts before hand and they end up suffering unnecessarily. Keeping up appearances is more important than giving life-saving information! Does this mean I have to share personal information? Not happening!!!

Actually I will share this. Both my maternal grandmother and mother had their first children at the age of 18. I had decided at the age of eight that I was moving to NYC to attend college and proudly told my family so. My having a child as a teenager was not part of my life's plan so I'd already decided I would not be engaging in any sexual activity before graduating high school. I was going to move away and live my own life. Oh I was curious as any normally developed female would be but I drew a line in the sand and stated it publicly. I had no idea how radical that is for the average black girl whose life has increasingly become dodging mortar shells and white phosphorus assaults. Of course for many families this is the norm and expected, but for others girls the cycle of abandonment, financial struggle and exploitation is the norm.

I'll use an example. 

I know a single mother who's now in her 30's. She got pregnant at 14. She was being raised by a recently widowed mother. They had been financially unprepared for the death. The woman's mother had to take a job where she worked 12 hour shifts, some of them overnight. The woman was left alone as a young girl with even younger siblings. That young girl was allowed to have a boyfriend who was 17. The young girl's mother did not say one word to her about evaluating the quality of this boy, about making a decision about exercising her budding sexuality and definitely received no advice about using birth control. When the young girl found out she was pregnant, the boy promptly abandoned her and their child for the next five years. 

By the time I'd heard she'd been allowed to have a boyfriend and my immediate thought was, get this girl to Planned Parenthood no questions asked, it was already too late.  I discussed all of the options available to her and she chose to bring the pregnancy to term and raise her child. The more I thought about it the more I grew to see how the mother's neglect was contemptible and deliberate. Who lets their 14 y.o date and be left alone unsupervised with a boy who was almost 18?  The idea that a mother would allow her own child to suffer is a harsh one isn't it? 

She has friends who have been through similar situations who have gone on to have more children with different men and remain unmarried as well. There's this resigned acceptance that marriage is for other women. That's a lie. Black women are being told their identity is all about how many people they sacrifice for, how many children they have and to wait for the black man to "come home". LIES. LIES. LIES.

 

I know other women who've had four or more children with different men hoping that, This time this one will be it. They're usually involved with a black male. Who has other children. Who has not committed to them. Who is an inadequate father. Oh he may try and may be sincere in his efforts, but is still not able to be fully functioning. Or he's the guy got that one woman pregnant, moved on and married someone else. Lots of conflicts ensue from some unresolved anger aboutthat. As long as that woman that was left behind is still holding on she cannot move forward.

Black women have been self-sacrificing for far too long. Many have come to expect their life of struggle is also normal because it's been reinforced and accepted by other people in their "community". If you tell them the majority of other women of other groups, even other black women of different ethnicities do NOT live their lives like that, no one wants to believe this. It is ABNORMAL for 80% of black women to have out of wedlock births.

Black women are still being indoctrinated by and accepting the lie of the mythical "black community". We are being set up to perpetuate a cycle where we will never be free to live their own lives on our own terms. Everything is couched in this "community" talk. There IS no community. There are exceptions. There are individuals who will succeed but not the collective. Just like the Moynihan Report stated. A community is a place of safety and refuge. You are respected. Your community member looks out for you and yours. You don't get gunned down in a community. You don't go hungry in a community. You don't allow for 50% of your females to be raped or molested in a community. You certainly don't pretend none of this isn't happening!

Organizations like Raising Him Alone say they're giving help to single black female mothers and even if they do offer something, ultimately they are like a cancer. They are STILL perpetuating the lie. If they are not actively promoting a strong, intact, healthy family structure they are just using these mothers to create some ad hoc snake oil salesman pipe dream organization. Where are they getting their funding?

It's not okay for women to raise children ALONE. Even when you dear reader are the mother! Even when you are the most fabulous creature that ever walked the earth. Children want parents. They notice when something's missing even if they never say anything.  Other people think throwing mass amounts of capital will solve this. If people had housing, jobs and discretionary income everything would be solved. Tried and failed I'm afraid.

This isn't about demonizing the mother who's been left with the responsibility if she decides to keep the child after birth. What about (y)our daughters? I don't see RHA offering a seminar on how to avoid a male predator as we know most young black girls are being impregnated by GROWN MEN who are usually at LEAST 10 years older. Are the going to send a group of the "good black men" to police these war zones where the women live while Raising Him Alone? Are they going to set up a pilot program for adoption and mental health services for these abandoned children?  

I have not yet discussed the foster care system. The article I've linked to has a list of rather disheartening stats and questions of their own. They don't understand the high percentage of abuse, the disproportionality of black children and other things they don't consider to be the NORM. The majority of children are the products of black fathers who've also abandoned their children. I say fathers because the mothers are not all black. So this RHA group has an audience to address of black women only because many black women decided to stick it out - alone. Of course the abortion rate is 30% for black women but these are often women who already have at least one child. 

I can't imagine how many more fatherless children would be around. I'm not condoning or vilifying, but when things are this out of control I do NOT understand why only CERTAIN aspects of this MAJOR PROBLEM is being addressed and all the others are being ignored? How is reinforcing the dysfunction with group-think going to CHANGE anything? Do people prefer to feel justified in their decisions or do they want to adapt the correct thinking necessary to not only survive but thrive? 

I have also not talked about child development and many other areas I am not equipped to discuss but if you look at the STATS it's bad news for children in this scenario. That doesn't mean it's hopeless, but people have got to assess these situations with their eyes wide open! Those who are their primary care givers are going to have their hands full to say the least. We've discussed many of these situations here at WAOD. One of my readers reminded me of this case that resulted in the premature death of Dr. Betty Shabazz.

Now I am sorry if this pains some of you reading all of this but you cannot afford to invest in rainbows and unicorns. You will need to double, no quadruple your efforts. You will need all the extra hands you can get to give that child that you love a fighting chance at a healthy life. That child that will grow to adulthood is not shown statistically speaking to have a good chance at a quality life. No it is not fair, but life isn't fair. So do what you've gotta go but don't stick your head in the sand or claim you're choices are being attacked because you don't want to face reality. That Moynihan Report was very clear in assessing the weakened family structure as the cause for all of the dysfunction and chaos. There is your answer. 

Rebuild the family structure and most of these problems are solved.

This is why Marriage Equality is being fought for so hard by the LGBT leadership. Most of us already have the right to marry and we throw it away like it's nothing. Don't justify women in raising their children alone when they can be supported in creating intact families. That doesn't necessarily mean it has to be with the man who left or presents no value. You can teach sex education but you cannot teach someone to feel loved when they know they've been rejected by the one that helped create them or the ones that look like them. 

Certainly there is something very deviant in these black males that have this mass dysfunction on such a grand scale. Why are black females not connecting the dots? The "black community" is a lie. You know that phrase. "He's just not that into you." The majority of black men are NOT into black women. Otherwise they wouldn't be gone. They wouldn't be ridiculing the darker-skinned women. They wouldn't be flaunting their plantation fantasies in your face. They wouldn't be telling you that what you want is asking for too much. They wouldn't make fun of your African features. They wouldn't be leeching you for every resources you have. Oh sure they want to keep a few of us set aside to use but they're not honoring or cherishing black women the way we saw with our parents or grandparents. Even then it was sometimes questionable. 

So the continued answer to that question is to tell as many black girls as possible to expand their options. The RHA organization is not seeking to empower young girls when by definition they are focused on mothers and sons. Yet, it's the girls who will get pregnant. Makes you wonder if they really have progress in mind. These girls need to be taught to seek out a wide variety of friends and experiences. To know that they are going to be rejected by some of these DBRs and be grateful. To not let themselves be used by men who despise them. To take the red pill and leave the Matrix. Date differently, mate differently and GET OUT. Rebuild the family structure with MEN (others as applicable) who are ABLE & EAGER to do so. 

These DBR black men despise themselves and their blackness. They carry the psychic shame of being the descendants of slaves and don't want anything to do with black women. They are not hiding the contempt any more. You see it by their actions. Remove the lie and it becomes obvious. There is no community, only a means of trying to tie black women together on a sinking boat. 

I'm certain many wish to dispute this but when your life isn't so bad and you are the exception you don't see the other side. There are far too many black girls who are in much worse scenarios and nobody is warning them others are keeping that "black community" lie going at their expense. To accept we've been lied to means we'd have to take action. Maintaining the illusion becomes more important than accepting reality or finding a better way. I cannot and will not abide with perpetuating this lie. It is a matter of life and death for far too many of us. We have no LIFE until we are actually LIVING not simply SURVIVING. That "black community" lie is a noose around the neck of every black woman who stays behind. It's being tightened a little every day and slowly taking your last breath. LEAVE and DON'T LOOK BACK.

Black women are considered some of the most beautiful women in the world - by non black men. It is time to get out from under the "black community" lie, stop propping up other people and get yours. The numbers are such that this is about survival of the fittest, the willing, the able. Many will be left behind or choose to remain where they are. So be it. For those who want something else there is a better way and it WILL look completely different than what you imagined. That's okay. If you had already known this many of you would have sought it out already. That's what this post is for. To open a door. It's your choice to see what's on the other side. Your life and the life your (future) child(ren) depends on it. 

***

I'm going to do a post where I touch on my dating experiences with white men when I lived in the UK. It's not their being white that was special it was the fact that they appreciated me just as I was. You don't realize how under siege black women are in this country until you leave. I think we are missing stories and alternate scenarios so many women don't think they have other options. That is also a lie that we need to discard.

National Brainwashing Plan To Condone the DBRs: Raising Him Alone

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

How many times can I type this? Can I PLEASE be able to go back to writing posts about Obama's trip to Africa or the latest antics of Rush Limbaugh? Lord, talking about that spiteful drug-addict would be a relief right now. Oh no. Foolish, indoctrinated, no common sense-having black people take precedence right now. Sorry I am black but I won't claim them. It's not that I think I'm better it's that I see this as a problem...and they don't. People who are NOT like-minded enough have CAN HAVE NO REAL TIES.  Their purpose will lie in getting their point of view across above working together. Everyone cannot and should not think alike, but there has to be a core standard that is understood. 

A fundamental fact of Negro American family life is the often reversed roles of husband and wife. 

Dorothy Height: "If the Negro woman has a major underlying concern, it is the status of the Negro man and his position in the community and his need for feeling himself an important person, free and able to make his contribution in the whole society in order that he may strengthen his home."

Negro children without fathers flounder -- and fail. Moynihan Report 

RAISING HIM ALONE

Raising Him Alone (RHA) is dedicated to researching, designing, and implementing a campaign to support the social well being of single mothers raising boys. Through a series of intense community forums, workshops and support group initiatives, RHA seeks to increase access to resources in health & well being, Educational Support & Advocacy, as well as in Financial Literacy.  via web site

To use a very popular social media term: BIG FAIL!! They should call themselves, "After You've Hooked Up With A DBR You'll Be Raising Him Alone If You Listen To Us". So DON'T LISTEN!

Since when do you start an organization that tries to address fatherlessness by focusing on the mothers? Why not have a NATIONAL CAMPAIGN FOR DEAD-BEAT or INADEQUATE FATHERS? Why not call it LET'S HELP OUR WOMEN - BY GETTING THE MEN TO FULFILL THEIR DUTIES? Why focus on the women who've been abandoned instead of getting the men back? Do they already know the men aren't going to be held accountable or are of such low-quality that they won't even TRY? If the core problem is male inadequacy there is NOTHING a woman can do to resolve that! He has to fix that himself. 

This organization is the brainchild of two men, so why aren't they speaking to other men? I'm all for helping mothers - please do - but it isn't even called that. It's called Raising Him Alone. It's absolutely degrading to women - don't they see this? Forget about the daughters who are fatherless. They're being set up to bear the brunt of whatever burden befalls them because all the attention and focus will be given to the male child. If the male needs "rescuing" where does that leave the female child? An orphan. A Cinder Girl. It's racialized sexism personified. The imbalance of catering to the needs of the male will only reinforce gender discrimination. The male gets the "love" and the daughter gets what exactly? It reminds me of that expression that I realize indicates the disease: love your sons, but raise your daughters. Apparently girls can figure it out on their own - except when they're blamed as adults for making poor choices in men. Yeah right!

• Women can NOT successfully raise male children to be men without a MAN present.
  
• Women can NOT successfully raise female children without an adequate male role model.

*By the way this isn't a dig at LGBT parents. I am mostly focusing on hetero parents but I'd still say both sets of genders are best served by having great sets of both genders as role models. 

This is what creates DBRs. Then the cycle repeats. It stands for Damaged Beyond Recognition. TM Evia's blog. Which is a person, usually a male who brings new meaning to word dysfunctional and takes out his inferiority complex and pain on unsuspecting (usually black) women. So a DBR isn't always racially or gender based. It's about the behavior, but the behavior tends to be displayed mostly by black males - because of all of the above.  

They're not even trying to have a campaign that promotes marriage, opening up the social circles for these women to meet non-black men, tools for attracting quality men, or other survival skills. It's a war out there for many of these women (think Dunbar Village, Hovey Street murders, even Jennifer Hudson's family). Don't "prepare" them to be alone. Being alone means they have no protection from predators. What about the quality of life for the CHILD that's left behind? What about their needs? What are they going to do,  tell the kid to just suck it up?

This is a political issue by the way, but when Obama dared to open his mouth about this black people stuck out their lip complaining that he was airing "dirty laundry", how they didn't like the "tone" and that he was doing it to impress whites that he could be "tough on blacks".

Well when you're wearing your dirty underwear outside your clothes ANYBODY can see it.

Children raised by never-married mothers are seven times more likely to be poor when compared to children raised in intact married families. Heritage.org

• Public assistance doesn't prevent a child from slipping into poverty.
  
• There are no shotgun weddings anymore because no one's looking out for the women.
  
• Two incomes are still better than one. Even if it's large. Jobs can be lost.
  
• Celebrities are not role models. Let's not model ourselves after them.
  
• This isn't about white people or what they think or being compared to them.

If mom is at work and dad is not much more than a sperm donor who takes care of the child? Or even if he's a dad, he's a telephone dad, an every other weekend dad - you can't raise a child over the telephone. 

There was a time I really hated the Moynihan Report because I thought it was misogynistic and judgmental. 

Now that the OOW (out of wedlock) birth rate was estimated to be 72% for 2007 by the CDC with a prior 5% growth rate every year between 2002-2007 where they listed the OOW rate at 70% for 2006, that would put the current rate around 80% for 2009. The official report won't be released until 2011 for data collected between 2006-2010. Anybody who wants to argue semantics is free to dispute my calculations, but even 72% is TOO HIGH!

It was at 35% in 1965 when Moynihan also wrote:

In this new period the expectations of the Negro Americans will go beyond civil rights. Being Americans, they will now expect that in the near future equal opportunities for them as a group will produce roughly equal results, as compared with other groups. This is not going to happen. Nor will it happen for generations to come unless a new and special effort is made.

There are two reasons. First, the racist virus in the American blood stream still afflicts us: Negroes will encounter serious personal prejudice for at least another generation. Second, three centuries of sometimes unimaginable mistreatment have taken their toll on the Negro people. The harsh fact is that as a group, at the present time, in terms of ability to win out in the competitions of American life, they are not equal to most of those groups with which they will be competing. Individually, Negro Americans reach the highest peaks of achievement. But collectively, in the spectrum of American ethnic and religious and regional groups, where some get plenty and some get none, where some send eighty percent of their children to college and others pull them out of school at the 8th grade, Negroes are among the weakest. 

The most difficult fact for white Americans to understand is that in these terms the circumstances of the Negro American community in recent years has probably been getting worse, not better.

Indices of dollars of income, standards of living, and years of education deceive. The gap between the Negro and most other groups in American society is widening.

The fundamental problem, in which this is most clearly the case, is that of family structure. The evidence -- not final, but powerfully persuasive -- is that the Negro family in the urban ghettos is crumbling. A middle-class group has managed to save itself (not anymore), but for vast numbers of the unskilled, poorly educated city working class the fabric of conventional social relationships has all but disintegrated. There are indications that the situation may have been arrested in the past few years, but the general post-war trend is unmistakable. 

So long as this situation persists, the cycle of poverty and disadvantage will continue to repeat itself. 

As long as the situation persists the dysfunction will continue, grow, balloon, etc. Never did I think other black people would try to NORMALIZE it. Did they just throw in the towel or are they really that foolish? This organization is planning a tour. The had three mothers of rap artists speak in NYC on Saturday. I'm still waiting to know why they are an authority on child-rearing and their sons are pillars of the "community". 

Where's the shame? Where's the outrage? People want to focus on a stupid club that won't let kids swim there but ignore what those kids are COMING "HOME" TO! 

Did we need a push to send our elders to therapy to try to resolve the anger, frustration, inadequacy whatever wounds were still there from the racism? Did we need to keep neighborhoods and business separate so blacks were forced to band together and keep a minimum income level for the collective? 

I have no idea, but dang it as I read this report with a totally different mindset I want to stick a pin in him but Moynihan was correct about a lot of what he wrote. He was still displaying racist tendencies but I guess I can forget about finding anti-racism activism here. The point is getting the cold slap of reality. The point is dismantling the indoctrination of race loyalty over common sense. The point is to stop looking solely at how white people behave towards blacks and fix the damage that blacks are doing to each other!!! 

So what did all the black (male) "leaders" of that time decide to do? They ignored this sage advice, vilified the report and called him a liar. Well he's dead now but who's getting the last laugh?

Nonetheless, at the center of the tangle of pathology is the weakness of the family structure. Once or twice removed, it will be found to be the principal source of most of the aberrant, inadequate, or antisocial behavior that did not establish, but now serves to perpetuate the cycle of poverty and deprivation.

We SURVIVED so much. We are a STRONG and RESILIENT people. We can turn things around, but not without a REALITY CHECK. (Ok who am I kidding...this is more of the last call at the end of the night. Get your last drink on before it's over.) Telling women to expect to and prepare for raising children with no man present and no backup is like telling a five year old it's ok to go play in traffic. 

What a fool believes

He sees

No wise man has the power to reason away - Doobie Brothers

The Real Black State of the Union Pt. 3

So I'm continuing the topic from last week's posts about how pathology is being attributed to a person's race only when it comes to people of color, the militarism of law enforcement and the complacency of those who ignore the pathologies that have a negative impact on their communities because they may share a similar heritage as the perpetrators.

One of my reader’s comments from last week had me nodding my head in agreement. I’m going to post it here with my response in blue: via Brother OMi

1. In my experience, I run into VERY few people who join the police/military because they wanted to. Most, especially enlisted and lower ranking police officers, join because of being unable to get hired for several reasons OR because there are no jobs. Thus, the police and the military are filled with people from the lower dregs of society. That says alot. Police/military should be high paying jobs that seek QUALIFED and MENTALLY STABLE applicants. 


So we have quite a few people serving who join due to the high unemployment in their residential areas. Also people who should never be allowed to serve. We see so many officers who shoot first, who overreach their authority and lack proper training (I'd say common sense). Thanks to the NRA guns are readily and illegally available with a thriving market. I'd like to think if some of the threat to bodily harm was removed the police would have to adjust how they respond to crime. Just look at the preponderance of rape against female service members. It's a huge problem and due to the coverups by the higher ups it will not be resolved any time soon. Some have also suggested it's one of the biggest reasons why the military doesn't want "Don't Ask Don't Tell" revoked because a lot of men would become targets. 

2. I will say that when it comes to the police, they are poorly trained. They get sent to handle situations that are way beyond their abilities (domestic violence issues, etc.) and are expected to handle them professionally and efficiently. 



Why are situations still beyond the abilities of an officer to appropriately respond to? It's 2009. If counterintelligence tactics can be used by groups like PETA in the guise of helping animals why can't the police get appropriate strategies in place to respond to a variety of issues. They have gang units, major crimes, special victims: why not other specialties? How much impact can individual communities have on the implementation of law enforcement if all they do is complain about brutality? 

3. Our communities have to do a better job of policing ourselves. oftentimes we give a safe haven to the criminal element. If (Louvelle) Mixon was not harbored by friends and relatives, this might not have happened. 


Ah yes the 800 lb. elephant in the room. Black people tend to make all kinds of excuses for all sorts of depravity when it comes in the form of a Black male. A Black woman can be called all manner of derogatory terms and be told its her responsibility to rescue others and she will not get a break. The protectionism of those with melanin and a penis knows no bounds though. As if it's a birth defect for someone to make the choice to engage in criminal activity and they have no responsibility for it. This also extends in the world of entertainment and the promoting of smut as music but that's another post! You cannot hold police officers to a higher standard by allowing criminals to run free to steal, rape and kill. 

4. Our concept of crime and punishment is extremely flawed and will not work unless we do a proper re-evaluation of it. Being tough doesn't seem to work.

A nation built on exploitation and hypocrisy will always be an iffy prospect for appropriate behavior. The US also suffers from this hyper-masculine hero complex. Sometimes charging in trying to take over and intimidation tactics require more thought, scrutiny and a gentle hand.

Basically it’s an acknowledgement of class differences and pathologies and how they may manifest themselves in certain situations. I am in complete agreement about how the quality of services is affected by the quality of those providing it. Lack of training will yield poor results. We don’t train people how to be parents either. We don’t value motherhood, though some women tend to equate motherhood with being a woman. The ability to breed has nothing to do with quality parenting. When people (mostly men) who are ill-equipped to face societal challenges, with borderline psychoses and/or are otherwise unhireable or come from areas of high unemployment that’s a breeding ground for a killer. 

We know the military had to lower their standards for admission to avoid a draft so can you imagine how dangerous it would be to serve alongside someone you’d normally have nothing to do with in your regular life? Or join a police force with those ready to explode? It’s why there's such a preponderance for rape. Women aren’t safe in any area of society where its citizens don’t place a high value on their person AND while other people remain silent. It can't be left solely up to women to speak out against these things. It can't be just women who are deemed "worthy" of protecting because that means some are not. Of course since these incidences are shrouded in secrecy that also fosters a breeding ground for this sort of activity. 

As it was pointed out on certain blogs had the police valued the lives of the sex workers Louvelle Mixon had raped, they may have arrested him before he attacked a 12 year old and got pulled over at that traffic stop with the ensuing gun battle. He didn’t value his life at all so why would have valued yours? The former officer Powell didn’t value the lives of an entire population of those he was supposed to be neutral about on paper at least. You know the whole innocent until proven guilty tenet that’s supposed to be one of our strongest foundations for justice?

Ladies Get It From the Horse's Mouth

If you are happily coupled or not looking then you may proceed to the next blog post. If you are reevaluating your dating experiences or in an unsatisfactory relationship proceed with caution. I saw the following post "From A Brotha" at the NecoleBitchie blog which was culled from her comment section in response to another entry. It's harsh...but it needs to be said:

Unfortunately, ladies, you are part of our problem. You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we’re about. Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a “relationship”. Many women will deny they think like this but I’m speaking from personal experience. Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman. Now what kind of sense does that make? Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life? IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE. The “other woman” is not breaking up a “happy home”. 

Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN. Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days. Women have to stop “rewarding” unfaithful men by pretending it ain’t happening. Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON’T KNOW. That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat. Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle. If you can’t answer BASIC questions about a man DON’T OPEN YOUR LEGS. I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn’t KILL people but now? 

There’s no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself - sexually AND emotionally. You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for your own sexual behavior the same as I am. Blaming the man won’t change a damn thing. BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what’s wrong with BM/BW relationships.

Now bear in mind this can apply to all women but he is specifically addressing Black women and it's something some (most?) of us need to hear. This is much more useful than that Steve Harvey book - which shares a similar theme and a title with another author. The man is speaking the truth and telling women we are responsible for the quality (and quantity) of the men in our lives. Since (some) women seem to like hearing dating advice from men let's hope Oprah invites this guy on her show. Need I mention the 70% out of wedlock birth rate and the majority unmarried status for Black women in this country? 

I'm not here to judge but unless you're well-off or a celebrity is this really going to pan out for most of us? Those are the exceptions. Mistakes are things we do once - then it becomes a choice. Are the majority of us thriving and succeeding under the current status quo? Making empowered choices from a position of mental strength with our morality intact? If you look at the majority of other groups of women do you see the differences in their dating/mating patterns? Do you wonder why their experiences may differ so vastly in their majorities versus ours? It's not luck, preferences or just the way things are either. It's about choices. 

Once we make different choices our circumstances will reflect that. Our circumstances need to reflect that change that comes from adopting a new mindset.

Black Americans Are Like Newspapers

I recently visited my family in Upstate New York. It felt like an episode of “This Is Your Life”. I admittedly have a disdain/hate relationship with the city I grew up in. Lots of institutional racism, segregated neighborhoods and the combo of Blacks who were either into social climbing or the lowest common denominator behavior had me declaring at age 8 how I was moving to NYC after I graduated high school. I’d also noticed a pattern of the first born female (mom & grandma) having their first of many children at age 18. I knew that tradition was going to end with me as well, lol!

Despite the unemployment rates in NYS being high they’re nearly double in California right now. Despite parental concern I did go to NYC and loved it. As a native New Yorker we are a breed unto ourselves. Having lived in California and specifically San Francisco for the last 8 years I have to admit that I’m now a California girl (woman). You know what I mean! I’d still like to be bi-coastal actually and to do so I’m going to have to step up my game so to speak. With the average home purchase price hovering around $1M with the average rent $2000/mo I know why I may stay broke if I continue to live in San Francisco as a single child-free woman of a certain income bracket. So I may also need to change that status and be actively doing so. Which brings me to the point of this blog post.

Seeing some of the same thriving business districts and surrounding residential areas of my town of birth I’ve never considered it “home” because I had no say in where I was born and raised. The city is always building something (parking, sports arenas) yet the bulk of the areas where Blacks lived during my formative years are in near total disarray. Abandoned or burnt-out buildings litter many neighborhoods bringing the housing value down to those that are either too old or too stubborn to leave. Apparently the ones who haven’t left (like all of my friends and school mates) have moved to residential areas that were exclusively white. 

There was a time I would’ve declared that “progress” but I think through a different critical prism now so I realize it’s likely the result of whites having left the area as well because it’s not “integrated” AND a look at the class status/temperament of those people who’ve remained deserves an evaluation. Not that their aren’t any well-off Blacks in Buffalo or poor whites but it always seemed geared towards affluence for a majority of whites. I used to think it was “racism” as the only cause but I think there were other factors at play. I used to say there’d be a Black President before a Black Mayor of this city but alas I was proven wrong! 

So admittedly it was the combination of how the Blacks in the area did – or didn’t - wield power politically and certain aspects of my family that I find troublesome that generate this reaction out of me. I used to think it was like a rubber band or better yet, a boomerang, that no matter how far away I moved even across the pond to London some problem would force me back even though it was usually for a brief time. Like now with the horrible economy. It’s nice to see my immediately family but I am itching to be away. I need to be a large metropolitan area with diversity and more than one dominant culture to be at my happiest which usually means living in one of the more expensive cities. By the way I tried Atlanta, and no offense to ya’ll but it’s way to provincial for my tastes. I can’t live in a state that flies the Confederate Flag. I think out of all the cities I’ve lived in I may like Toronto the best but it’s way too cold in the winter. I really liked Denver when I went there for the Democratic National Convention and they are wooing Californians right now.

I was out recapping my lapsed driving skills – because you don’t need to drive in San Francisco (or NYC) but I need to be able to handle my business behind the wheel in case I end up living in a city that requires it. I noticed one of the areas surrounding the park I’d been driving in had really deteriorated. I remember as a child taking the bus through this area to attend school and how I’d always thought it looked a little worse for wear so now it was really bad. It was around 8pm and I counted six younger AA men standing around doing….what I don’t know.

Well one was sitting at the entrance of a dry cleaner that was closed drinking a can of beer. He looked rather pissed to me. I’m not sure if he was drunk (Euro expression) or angry. Two were across the street in front of another store “talking”. Three others were standing in front of the corner store. Are you getting the picture? My mother commented how these areas had only poor people left because the Middle Class had left. I responded these neighborhoods were full of the criminally-minded and being poor may play a role in the decline but that didn’t excuse the potential tinder box of danger and illegal activity displayed before us.

I was glad we were in a car because I would NOT have wanted to be a lone female out there with them. Of course we disagreed but I’m reminded of the potential dangers of people who may look like us that don’t share any of our values. One such person decided to drive out of his residential cesspool and come to ours to shoot at people…one of the victims was my second youngest brother and he didn’t survive.

I realize speaking to my mother about certain things is an exercise in futility. Generation Gap Alert!! Like how it’s time to leave the neighborhood she’s lived in for the past 25 years because the encroaching areas have become cesspools of criminal activity and having a Black Chief of Police and Mayor isn’t going to make other people bent on destruction change their evil ways. Some family that moved down the street decided to supplement their income by casing all of the houses in a two block radius and attempting robbery. My mom’s next door neighbor caught some of them standing on top of her garbage cans at 4am. Thank goodness there are still some men left in the neighborhood that paid them a visit, issued a warning and outlined the consequences for any further violations. That’s how it used to be but that’s not the way things are usually handled today.

How do I know this? Because of the idiocy of my brother’s “friends” and their stop snitching vow of silence crap the police know who murdered him but don’t have enough evidence to prosecute because none of the witnesses would say anything. It’s been nearly three years and my anger over this hasn’t dissipated. I don’t think a 21-year old college student with a job in the banking industry and an all-around sweet natured person being just another statistic of Black on Black crime because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time is something that should be forgotten. There are many such stories and not just Black men are being brutalized. So those that were protesting the shooting of Lovelle Mixon need to seriously have their heads examined.

This wasn’t supposed to be a personal essay. I was going to keep it brief (for me anyway) and speak in general tones but this is what came out. If it appears intact then I guess I decided to post it. I’m not sure yet. So why did I title it the way I did? Newspapers were once considered stalwart and venerable. Didn’t we always think there’d be a local and national newspaper? Yet from the Christian Science Monitor to the San Francisco Chronicle to the Seattle (name) they’re all folding or on the verge of collapse. I’ve always loved newspapers. It’s the tactile sensation of holding it and smelling it. The ink would bleed all over your hands. 

I couldn’t wait to get to the Sunday cartoons and attempt completion of the crossword puzzles. Of course unless you were of a particular income bracket the coupons were eagerly anticipated as well. Don’t we tend to think of the Black community as a national collective of people in the struggle against white racism? That’s the shtick anyway that we were sold from those individuals who came to a very limited power during the aftermath of Civil Rights. Notice I specified Black Americans and I am referring to those whose ancestors were enslaved. We’re talking those whose family gene pool goes back starting from three generations ago and backwards. Like the neighborhoods of our youth that our grandparents lived in, those old alliances are for the most part gone. 

The reality is for the majority those times have long since passed and those alliances were tenuous at best. When 70% of Black women are single and not by some “empowered” choice but because they’re holding onto these old ideas that the majority of Black men have long since abandoned it’s pure foolishness. When the majority of these single women - and by single I’m talking never married - also have at least one child then it’s not just about personal choices and responsibility. Some of these women were young girls taken advantage of by men old enough to know better or those that knew they weren’t sticking around to begin with. How can you make an empowered choice when you don’t know what that means? They’re the ones that are living in these deteriorated neighborhoods with boys that grow into angry abandoned men who have literally bitten the hands that fed them and then some.

Before anyone starts balking - yes of course there are exceptions, good men, intact families and thriving neighborhoods. Let’s get real here, though. While you may be living your life of exceptionalism, good people and cheer you may rub up against some of those on the periphery. Admit it, if you were superstitious you might throw salt over your shoulder and say “there but for the grace of God…” Or you may be living your high profile life with all its pressures just trying to swim with the other sharks. Meanwhile that periphery has a domino effect. It’s like when there’s a power outage and the lights on the block go out one by one.

There will be a day of reckoning but by the time you notice it, it’ll be too late to stop the bleeding. There are stereotypes about how certain ethnic groups are all wealthy because they make sure the entire collective is doing reasonably well by comparison to others. They have businesses that cater to their needs and are unabashedly supportive of their interests. They work with each other and hire each other. They don’t claim speaking well and being educated is a violation of belonging to that group. They don’t eschew therapy. They have thriving communities. Their men haven’t publicly disdained women from their group by touting the virtues and beauty of other groups of women. They don’t label it a “preference” when confronted about it. They don’t abandon their children. They don’t say “give a brother a chance” when they’re engaging in substandard behavior and activity. They don’t separate the women in the group by skin shade or hair texture declaring some women are worthy of praise while condemning the rest. There isn’t this disconnect where the majority of women and children are left to fend for themselves. Again this is speaking of the majority  - which you can see played out over and over if you look - not individuals.

None of these things occur in a vacuum or by osmosis. It’s a mentality that is either supported or rejected and all the actions that follow are the result of that choice. This goes beyond white racism. This goes beyond the choice of a few individuals to “live their lives as they see fit”. This is a matter of survival. Some believe it’s too late for the collective and individuals who want to survive must separate themselves immediately. In the most heinous environments I agree, but there are still areas that have not deteriorated to that point yet. There are still people out there fighting the good fight. At least I hope there are.

Like newspapers will we admit there’s a serious problem and address it or will we continue to deny, deny, deny until the damage is complete and we have to sever the limbs or face sudden demise? I used to deny it even after what happened to my family. I used to think there was always a couple of bad seeds in the bunch but the bunch was a bushel and it was good. After what happened at Dunbar Village, after reading the blog Black & Missing and after looking at actual crime stats I realized those seeds have multiplied and sprouted an angry violent army of aggressors and fueled mass willful ignorance. It’s sad but you’ll get over it. It’s time to demolish the old and create something new and better in its place. Black women of quality can create quality Black children with whomever they mate with since we are the daughters of Eve. Will we stop looking through a narrow prism of choices and open ourselves to the spectrum of an entire world with as many options available to us as we’re willing to seek?