Defining Reciprocity: Black Women Are Still Being Told To Put Everyone Else First!

Yet the buck stops here.

Some women think of themselves by their ethnicity or race first. Some women think of themselves by their relationships (i.e daughter of or wife of someone). Some women think of themselves by their station in life or job. Still others are considered by gender in relation to a political agenda...but still have their race or class status hand in hand.

One of the most freeing aspects from reading the essays of empowerment as administered by certain bloggers (Halima, Evia, Khadija, CW, etc) is that we are FREE. Their words are a much-needed inoculation against the insanity messages being spouted as facts today.

We are free to date whomever we fancy. Character trumps skin shade.

We are free to explore our orientation or identity and establish it as we see fit.

We are free to explore our individual tastes. Go see the world!

We are free to live our lives as we see fit. Our standards are what matter most.

We are free from being conjoined with random black men and tying our existence to them.

We are free - or we should be - from the myth of the "black community" and upholding its "tenets" of enslavement.

We are even free from needing the understanding or approval of other black women for our individual choices. Even the ones that claim to be in support of empowerment.

Why is that so many are invested in telling us what we "should" be doing? I had a conversation with someone who asked me when I was going to do "community service" and help the children. This was the tail-end of a conversation about a black male student who was beaten to death. I think the "people" that need to "step up" are black men and the Civil Rights organizations. Since we know it is NOT black women causing the majority of the violence, the misogyny and the denigration why would anyone assume we have the power to "fix" other people (esp. black boys and men)?

We know them by the fruit of their labor.

Now, I'm not mocking the benefits of offering assistance but the idea that I should feel in any way obligated to encourage, uplift or elevate other people (and their otherwise abandoned, mistreated, or cast-aside kids) is rather presumptuous. I'm certain this will be considered heresy to some but far too many black women have sacrificed themselves at the altar of "saving all of our people" for naught. Things have steadily deteriorated and the depravity will only multiply.

Black women need to stop riding the rescue wave for others and take care of themselves first!

I am a black woman, an African-American but that is but ONE aspect to who I am. I'm also an artist, a writer, a singer and a budding gourmet chef. I'm also a Gen-Xer, born in the USA, grew up on the East Coast and the first-born child. I enjoy a variety of music, love to travel and enjoy plushness. I cry at poignant commercials. I am many things yet sometimes I am no one in particular. Who says I have to be ANYTHING other than WHO I WANT TO BE?

Yesterday I had to be very firm in setting boundaries with an individual who was willing to take advantage of me. Lack of communication and setting a bad precedent in behavior will only set a path in motion that's nearly impossible to reverse. After hearing about their various issues with this and that and feeling empathy but recognizing I was about to be steamrolled I had to put my foot down. I was very reluctant to do so but at the end of the day who's looking out for me if I won't take care of myself first!!

When we try to be "nice" and overlook obvious flaws to "get along" with others we are not doing ourselves any favors. There will always be some issue that takes precedence. Once people see they can be "abusive" or take advantage it only escalates. It may be a joke at one's expense, a harsh word or demanding considerations that overextend others. It may be borrowing money with no intention of repaying, asking someone to look the other way or withholding affection.

I wanted to know whether this person would respect my wishes and set aside their self-interest for the greater good. Their response was to become rather combative because I wouldn't "understand" their difficulties. Actions speak louder than words. It's why women are referred to as bit*hes when they don't respond to street harassers or make unpopular decisions. People are very quick to turn to anger when they don't get their way and lines are drawn in the sand. "Do it my way or else there'll be hell to pay!" That is the ultimate in manipulative behavior.

When there is mutual respect, concern and affection...you know a true FRIENDSHIP or KINSHIP...people will look at the big picture. It's one thing to ask for help. It's another thing to insist the need for alleviating one's challenges/difficulties at someone's expense. Sometimes misunderstandings do occur and things should absolutely be resolved. Sometimes people know exactly what they're doing in crossing a line. Setting boundaries is not the problem. It's about respect for self - and others by insisting on them to begin with. There's no need for emotionalism or lingering anger when they are established and adhered to. No one is going to convince me otherwise.

Sometimes we must ensure our dignity remains intact even if our needs cannot be met at that time or in the preferred manner. Getting along with another person, an organization or even a community should NEVER include being used as a doormat or being self-sacrificing to one's detriment.

How Black Women Stuck In the DBR Matrix Fall Down The Rabbit Hole Even Further

We don't have to stay in the Matrix.

I have a lot of sympathy for the young woman featured in this segment. This was from a Tyra Show episode on racial perception. It had the usual discriminatory attitudes and inflammatory behavior but this woman is clearly hurting and very very confused. She's adopted the negative attitudes and insecurities stemming from black men who reject women with features like hers. To add further insult to injury she believes the lie that other men would also reject her.

I was relieved that Tyra kept insisting that her experiences directly related to the men she's been dating. I'd also add that I suspect some other people in her life are also guilty of stomping on a more positive and accurate outlook that prevents her from being her best and living her fullest life. Hopefully she listened and some of that disordered thinking has been expelled.

Mackenzie Phillips From Rape to "Consensual" Incest - The Ways Women Compromise to Cope With Abuse

"I can't be the only one."

So says the daughter of Mamas & Papas founder John Phillips. Deconstructing the source of unresolved traumas that initially led her to abuse drugs as a teenager and up until now seems to be a never-ending process for Mackenzie. In this clip from her interview with Oprah she says she doesn't remember all of the details of when the sexual abuse began but eventually she "consented" to the continuation of an inappropriate sexual relationship with her father for a decade.

My immediate reaction is to wonder if she'd be sexually abused as a child all along and couldn't remember as a coping mechanism but because the psychic ramifications were so great that it fueled her need to shift it in another destructive pattern (the rampant drug use) instead. I also wonder if this was a scenario of "trying to make lemonade out of lemons" on a much deeper and depraved level by "agreeing" to the continuation of this abuse.

How often are we as women complicit in our own debasement to hold onto relationships from those we have familial ties with? Or to hold onto concepts and status quo? The Phillips situation is taking it to a whole other level but if we're honest with ourselves how often do we compromise - even sell our souls - for the semblance of "order"? Be it saving a "community", involving oneself intellectually, romantically or emotionally with DBRs, trying to rescue destructive or irresponsible family members, choosing a boyfriend over your child, not having a vision for oneself, being negative or whatever internal blocks that come to mind we need to have a plan for our elevation in place. Otherwise we'll get stuck or worse drown either at our hands or through the actions of others. If we're not careful we can find ourselves in quicksand instead of dry land.

Do You Sometimes Wonder How Dysfunctional Relationships Become the Norm?

Per celeb gossip news rapper Nelly and singer Ashanti broke up last week. When I read it I wondered why it was a surprise. The guy made a music video where he slid a credit card down the butt cheeks of a woman. That speaks volumes about his character, values and how he views black women as disposable objects. Plus they'd "dated" for five years. You know where I'm going with this. If you've spent x amount of time trying to get someone to commit to you and they don't, they're just not that into you. Not to mention the fact that's not smart dating!

In the other singer/rapper break up news pairing Kelis and Nas' divorce was very acrimonious. She had to hire a forensic accountant to track money he'd claimed he didn't have to get the settlement she felt she was entitled to. She's since asked for a lump sum payment instead of monthly allocation. Many of her former "friends" in the industry have dragged her through the mud and other male rappers have predictably called her every name but her own. I'm sure they'd still have sex with her though.

I'm not surprised by the actions of these "men" because spotting the disdain they reserve for black women is like playing Pin the Tail On the Donkey without the blinders. Yet I'm still seeing comments from black women joining in the fake outrage. How dare she ask for any spousal or child support! Perhaps she wants to nurse her child and bond with him yet to hear some women talk she should "get a job". It's part of that Superwoman/Mammy/Mule myth.

Well, her job for the past decade has been "entertainer" which is already a type of fantasy career most will never achieve. I get the impression those who live with less expect other women to do so and resent any elevation in status. Remember the number of defenders of Chris Brown who claimed Rihanna had asked to be beat within an inch of her life? These are the relationships that are being held up as "normal" relations between blacks? This makes me want to tell black women and men to stay away from each other period - but that I know there are exceptions. Yet the sad thing is they are exceptions because I do think the majority are toxic. The "celeb" status of the couples featured only exacerbates the inherent pathologies underlying their conflicts.

Then you have the "educated" idiots like Michael Eric Dyson who may be degreed but have no common sense. His attempt at uplifting the word ni**er as an art form earns him a permanent FAIL. Skippy Gates' defense of 2 Live Crew which I highlighted in an earlier post helped usher in the gangsta rap/bling/ho culture. Directors like Tyler Perry reinforce a narrow definition of black womanhood based on religiosity and stigmas. Let's stop allowing these black men to uplift the gutter at our expense.

Denigration for breakfast, lunch and dinner for more than a decade and why do people wonder why 14 year olds (and younger) are committing crimes like rape and murder? Think about all the adults who buy Grand Theft Auto for children. They're being taught to objectify women and to become criminals. It's not a game. It's indoctrination. It should be considered a form of child abuse as its unsupervised use creates a mini Hitler-like person.

What's the solution? Well this may not be a one-size-fits-all response. The wound is so deep it's time to cut off the limb to save a life. A tourniquet may have worked at one time but too much time has passed denying the wound was there to begin with. Our choices will likely reflect our mentality to begin with. It also comes down to how shrewd we are or are willing to be. We don't want to keep playing catch-up while life is passing us by.

Skippy Gates The "Rosa Parks of Racial Profiling" Says Black Men Are Naturally Misogynistic

The interesting part of life is that it is not the set of circumstances that you are given that matters, but your response to them. Give the same pressures and same type of opportunities to ten people and you will get ten different reactions. The pressures and opportunities may be identical, but the responses will differ, and in that sense, by living life, you learn quite a bit about yourself. ---Susan Miller

Yeah I'm tired of Skippy by now but this dust-up has been so revealing on so many levels. Soon he may wish he'd just kept his mouth shut. Thank goodness the readers of this blog are such an intelligent group and the ones who respond usually provide a wealth of knowledge. I appreciate the challenge at keeping up with you. I think we should start our own critical thinking/social criticism school or something, but I digress. A blogger reminded me of Skippy's support of 2 Live Crew during their obscenity trial. I know viewing it from a distance without any analysis it may have appealed to the typical African-American emotional reaction of the "white man trying to take the black man down" but it was in fact one of the last ditch efforts at policing aberrent behavior.

If you recall that trial was in 1990 and it was before the onslaught of the filth to come via the gangsta rap and other perverted music with their accompanying videos that would then be played during the day when kids could watch them instead of being listed as adult content and relegated to midnight airings as they had been. It would have affected retailers being able to sell their music and would have given all record labels pause about what type of music acts they would be able to sign. I am also reminded of the fight C. Delores Tucker put up to stem the tide even while she was vilified.

I find it very telling that the RIAA, the same one that cries foul of the "illegal downloaders" actually DEFENDED them and filed a Friend of Court Brief on their behalf. This LA Times article states it was the argument between ANYTHING GOES vs. ENOUGH ALREADY. The group was acquitted but the jury's contention was their lyrics were akin to parody because that was how black people communicated. There was this rush to defend this group or dismiss their lyrics as part of the larger "black culture" of the "black community". The argument they are quintessentially black, that black women exist solely to satisfy violent sexual desires or that their lyrics are funny is part of the reason why African-Americans have lost their moral compass and will form a permanent underclass in this country.

If some still question how young boys aged 14 and under could be socialized to become rapists (like the ones in Arizona) if they hadn't had any previous mental defects then here's your answer. Yes media does ABSOLUTELY have an affect on the minds of people, particularly CHILDREN who have fewer filters in place. If you've parked your child in front of the tv as a babysitter and offer NOTHING to counterbalance the negative images consumed you are training your children to adopt a depravity mindset. Especially when that child is parked in front of the likes of BET.

• MISOGYNY is defined as: HATRED OF WOMEN AND GIRLS. No ifs, ands or buts. When I stated in an earlier post about DBR (damaged beyond recognition) behaviors prevalent in a majority population of African-American males (and many females) and how they hate AA women I got a LOT of denials. Misogyny is directed at women as a collective group. Of course there are nuances where a man might hate women of one group but be able to fawn over women of an entirely different group. Or parse it to like some while still despising others. Other variants include the Madonna/Whore complex. Honor killings, rape, violence and skin shade racism also fall under this.
  

In the Legal Response to Violence Against Women Karen J. Maschke contends "many do not bust out laughing" like Gates does while listening to 2 Live Crew and she details specific lyrics. I decided against displaying the lyrics here because they're NSFW and also they're disgusting. We have to be careful about immersing ourselves in filth when analyzing it. You might like to review the court transcripts along with this essay.

So in his defense of this (what used to be thought of as) explicit rap group, Skippy is saying ALL black men naturally HATE women. Now if we look at the actions from the general population of black men, especially African-American men from the past 45 years what has emerged is the trend of their abandonment and abuse of BLACK WOMEN. If someone can point to another ENTIRE GROUP OF WOMEN this would apply to feel free to keep looking and I'll wait for you to fall off the Earth since it's flat. There is no misinterpretation of this. Anyone who wishes to dispute this can do so at their own forum because there will be NO misdirection of this point. Now whether an individual male DECIDES to recognize it and redirect it or squash it is up to that man, but Gates wasn't offering that caveat. He was using it as an excuse to EXPLAIN AWAY THEIR DEPRAVITY.

Now to be certain there are plenty of women-hating men in the world but again we come to discuss survival and domination tactics. No group can survive without women. So it comes down to other men to police the behavior of the men in their group to maintain a workable model. There is NO such policing going on in the "black community". Not when you have the "premier" African-American scholar who's a refugee from his blackness, reveling in his 56% European heritage, married to an average white woman and crying victim when hitting the third rail of white male authority saying it's okay that these men embody every racial stereotype ever visited upon black men because it's in their nature to be that way.

I found this great essay by Kimberle Crenshaw (whom I'd like to see nominated for the Supreme Court before Obama leaves office) discussing this case. I don't agree with everything she has to say - namely the knee-jerk inclination for black women to defend black men who are working AGAINST them - but this was written more than a decade ago. Like many of us who've seen the aftermath of the depravity women must resist the urge to think of themselves by race first and gender second in these situations. It should be every woman for herself. Yes, in a very selfish looking out for one's own interests FIRST way. The antithesis of what most black women do NOW where they GIVE IT ALL AWAY FOR FREE AND GET NOTHING IN RETURN. Or worse are left to fend for themselves when THEY need help.

Thus, Gates concludes, 2 Live Crew and other rap groups are simply pushing white society's buttons to ridicule its dominant sexual images. I am deeply skeptical about the claim that the Crew was engaged--either in intent or effect--in pursuing a postmodern guerilla war against racist stereotypes. Gates argues that when one listens to 2 Live Crew the ridiculous stories and the hyperbole make the listener "bust out laughing." Apparently the fact that Gates and many other people react with laughter confirms and satisfies the Crew's objective of ridiculing the stereotypes. But the fact that the Crew are often successful in prompting laughter neither substantiates Gates's reading nor forecloses serious critique of its subordinating dimensions. Gates' use of laughter as a defensive maneuver in the attack on 2 Live Crew recalls similar strategies in defense of racist humor. Racist humor has sometimes been defended as an effort to poke fun at, or to ridicule racism. More simply, racist humor has often been excused as just joking; even racially motivated assaults are often defended as simple pranks. While it may be true that the Black community is more familiar with the cultural forms that have evolved into rap, that familiarity should not end the discussion of whether the misogyny within rap is acceptable. Moreover, we need to consider the possible relationships between sexism within our cultural practices and the problem of violence against women.

Violence against women of color is not presented as a critical issue in either the anti-racist or anti-violence discourses. The "different culture" defense may contribute to the disregard for women of color victimized by rape and violence, reinforcing the tendency within the broader community not to take intra-racial violence seriously. We must determine whether the practices and forms of expression are consistent with our fundamental interests. Although collective opposition to racist practice has been and continues to be crucially important in protecting Black interests, an empowered Black feminist sensibility would require that the terms of unity no longer reflect priorities premised upon the continued subordination of Black women.

Since I know so many take issue with a black woman criticizing a black man (hello Miss Ogyny again) I'll add some criticism from other black men. Scholar Martin Kilson refers to Gates as the master of the "Black put-down". Indeed. You are also free to research cultural critic Harold Cruse. During the trial Gates referred to 2 Live Crew as "astonishing and refreshing" and compared their works to that of Shakespeare, Ella Fitzgerald or James Joyce. They were not pushing the envelope of social discourse like Lenny Bruce or George Carlin. They were out to make money by denigrating black women.

In Master of the Dodge: A Reply to Henry Louis Gates, Martin Kilson critiques an earlier Gates' project but it seems his warning could apply to anything by which Gates endeavors or even perhaps to the man himself.

So I try to advise my progressive Black intellectual peers especially to be wary of "King Gates" strategic offerings - his fish-hooks, if at all possible. And I'd like to address this especially to the up-coming younger generation of African- American intellectuals and scholars, particularly those who seek to fashion a progressive outlook for themselves. Finally, we progressive Black intellectuals especially do indeed have to perform the scrutinizing task in regard to establishmentarian and/or conservative Black intellectuals like Henry Gates, because no one else will. Above all, we progressive Black intellectuals still have a serious Black people agenda to attend to. Namely: Protecting, advancing, and redeeming Black folks' honor, both here in the United States and elsewhere in the globe.

If the Only Victims Are Male & The Only Oppressors White, Where Does That Leave Black Women?

I know this post is sure to kick up the Black Male Protection Reflex in many people. So my advice is to take a Valium and go sit in the corner. The reason why all of this accountability talk is so threatening is because no one has been held accountable. Generations are simply repeating what their elders did - or worse going backwards. Although there were significant social gains reaped in the '60's it has all but been completely squandered. 

Of course there's another component to this argument that is also rarely discussed. We are of course referring to HETERO black males in these narratives. The same DBR behaviors exhibited by some men and used against black women will also be expressed toward others based on their orientation or gender identity. Also the women clinging to their church totems, who may be never-married single mothers and are in misery sometimes focus too much on what some "phantom" gay person is doing because it provides a (temporary) release for them. Many of these blacks who are opposed to gay marriage for "religious" reasons don't even get married themselves! Not with a 30% marriage rate amongst blacks, an 80% OOW birth rate, a 70% unmarried status for black women and an HIV rate that's the number #1 killer of black women 25-34. 

Every week since the aftermath of my conversation with DBR Middle Class educated black males who reveled in bashing Serena Williams and bristled at my critiques I realize more and more men belong on the other side of that line. How are we supposed to distinguish who's safe and who's wearing a mask in disguise? Is it based on musical tastes or income to debt ratio or religious practice? Surprisingly it doesn't take much to get them to reveal themselves but clearly they feel they can move without impunity. We can use that to our advantage on one hand but what of those that still consider themselves "decent"? No one ever admits to engaging in damaged beyond recognition behaviors! Others silently support them because they still get to benefit from it indirectly. Those who push a limited view of blackness (i.e. anti-intellectualism or gross materialism) also continue to be a disservice. We can't let ourselves get tripped up in the process.

When we discuss divesting and leaving this mentality behind what will it be replaced with? We need to be thinking about that. Of course leaving the unsafe physical areas and modifying certain situations immediately is key here. We see there is no mass push at defending black girls and women. Any mention of this is met with complete silence. The latest reinforcement of this indoctrination is in the typical reaction from many blacks in defending the actions of Henry Louis Gates against the police. Even the President supported him. 

Although I agree there's a history of aggression and misuse of law enforcement, I don't think Gates was without some responsibility for adding fuel to the fire. Now that the person who initially called the police has been revealed to have not been a neighbor at all and to have grossly exaggerated (ok she lied) about the "suspicious activity" the rush to throw this on the altar of great white oppression kicked into high alert. 

The problem I have is the lack of racial or ethnic pride on the part of Gates to excuse this instigator completely and only focus on the white male officer's actions. So he defers to a white woman, Lucia Whalen discussing how he understood her concern and he's send her flowers while complaining about ill treatment for being a "black male in America" by the white cop. He also ignored the black cop on the scene because that didn't fit into his narrative of "victim". I somehow doubt he would have been so concilliatory had Lucia been  a black woman.  

The "black community" indoctrination of dysfunction is so insidious, so pervasive I want to wash my hands of many people completely just to keep some order. Perhaps this is because I'm still working on my life outside the Matrix (of Abnormal Values) but I can't help but feel a little out of sorts from time to time. Actually I'm not exactly thrilled carrying around this knowledge. Membership has its responsibilities. Realizing you're one of the sane in an insane asylum of confusion and distorted thinking makes me want to go live on an island by myself. This is where finding a small group of like-minded individuals is absolutely necessary. It's a lifeline that we'll need. 

In the meantime black girls are still being attacked and are defenseless against the onslaught of criminal activity and apathy. Thanks to the glorification of that lifestyle blacks don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining about police malfeasance but they don't get that. I've been reading a lot of other blogs whose readership is either predominantly white or law enforcement oriented and it's been a real eye-opener. The general consensus is that President Obama should not have criticized the police and that Gates exaggerated his unpleasant encounter. Oh - and these white people do not care to hear any complaining about racism because there's a black man in the White House. 

So the majority of blacks are shooting themselves in the foot by not addressing these internal pathologies and consequences. The symbolic payoff comes attached with many strings. Sadly I don't think the correct analysis is coming. What is somewhat surprising to me is the intelligentsia and elite classes seem to be just as clueless. Aren't they supposed to be "better, harder, faster, stronger" and know more than the rest of us "peons"? When I was willing to discuss DBR behavior in black men I got a lot of grief. When I sought to bring it full circle by addressing the choices some black women are making I got grief. I can't win for trying. If people have their heads stuck in the sand, what type of generational, mental, financial or quality of life growth can reasonably be expected?

The misogyny and homophobia prevalent in the black community has me on pause. It's not that other groups don't have similar issues but they also have safeguards in place to ensure their growth and/or continued domination. Blacks collectively have nothing in place but discussing the evils of white racism as it pertains to black males. If people are not fighting discrimination across the board then blacks will not progress any more than where things stand now. To suggest moving away from the knee-jerk responses followed by no strategic choices is looked at as a form of heresy. It's met with complete resistance. If it's not those engaged in DBR behavior, then it's those who are in denial it exists, that it's as wide-spread as it is or those focused on protecting the guilty. They are no use to me - or you once you leave. If you ever do.....

Don't Let Anyone Stop You From Getting Out of DBR-Ville!

Did you hear President Obama weigh in on the arrest of Henry Louis Gates last night? You know it had to be a big deal to get Obama to actually say something about race.

"But I think it's fair to say, No. 1, any of us would be pretty angry; No. 2, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home; and, No. 3 ... that there's a long history in this country of African-Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately."

The incident, Obama said, shows "how race remains a factor in this society."

President Obama talking about the arrest of one of his friends might prompt you to sing “Shiny Happy People” or “Don’t Worry Be Happy” and be lulled into a sense of complacency. This is just the quiet moment before all hell literally breaks loose.

Mayor E. Denise Simmons (who is African-American) said on CNN's "American Morning." "The situation is certainly unfortunate. This can't happen again in Cambridge." She called Dr. Gates to apologize.

The officer, Sgt. James Crowley, told CNN affiliate WCVB earlier Wednesday: "There are not many certainties in life, but it is for certain that Sgt. Crowley will not be apologizing," he said. (He speaks of himself in the 3rd person and is unrepentant. In other words white ppl don’t care abt charges of racism fm blacks anymore)

Crowley wrote in the Cambridge police report that Gates refused to step outside to speak with him and when Crowley told Gates that he was investigating a possible break-in, Gates opened the front door and exclaimed, "Why, because I'm a black man in America?"

The report said Gates initially refused to show the officer identification, but eventually produced a Harvard identification card, prompting Crowley to radio for Harvard University Police. (Gates disputes this)

"While I was led to believe that Gates was lawfully in the residence, I was quite surprised and confused with the behavior he exhibited toward me," Crowley said, according to the report. 

Gates said that although the ordeal had upset him, "I would do the same thing exactly again." 

So we have police officers trained to kill who can doctor police reports being challenged by a middle-aged AAbm who needs a cane to walk. He wants to grandstand with them when had he chose to be humble the situation would have likely not occurred at all. He could’ve filed a complaint later and spoken to the Mayor personally. Instead he could have been wound up dead. We know police are overusing tasers to subdue people upon arrest. Anything could have happened but Dr. Gates wants to use this moment to try to assert his "authority".

See when we discuss the mentality of destruction that’s prevalent in the dead “black community” model - this is just par for the course. There’s still this prevalence for assigning the white oppressor as the Big Bad and the “black man” as the number one target. It completely shuts out black women and is sexist. Black women, specifically AA bw are getting it from all sides. 

To even mention this brings out the charges of “hating black men” when they know this isn't true but it benefits them to continue their victim dance instead of doing anything to help. They can use the “I’m oppressed” excuse to justify all of their discrimination against black women and try to blame us..for everything. Because they can’t retaliate against white men directly. I also just had a thought that this also fuels a lot of these insecure, inadequate “victims” into chasing after white women with such vigor. They’re trying to stick it them through the women. Literally.

Also the second series of Black In America aired last night. Now I didn’t watch it so I’m only going by what I read. They showed very well-off people who tended to be on the paler skin-shade spectrum OR it was poverty stragglers. They didn’t talk about the OOW birth rates, the educated but single black woman (who only dates BM) or present a dour message. Everything was supposed to be fine according to them. Now that we’ve got a black President. 

If you don’t continue devising your escape from the Matrix plans you will be left to perish. Don’t fall for the okey doke. While some people are patting themselves on the back or digging in their heels we still have black girls in peril that NO ONE IS SPEAKING FOR.

Case in point: An 8 year old is gang-raped by four boys between the ages of 9-14, some of whom live in her apartment complex. As if that wasn’t bad enough, CPS had to remove her because of her parent’s attitude towards her. 

In other words they're blaming her for getting raped and want to punish her some more. Just like the so many other black girls and women are blamed for the things that happen to them as a result of the DBRs wrecking havoc on their lives. 

Now if anyone is still confused about whether there’s an all-out assault on black girls and women snap out of it. Let the President weigh in on that!! 

P.S. I just checked my sidebar and The Field Negro is standing up for us (as he is one of the few black male bloggers that do by the way). He asks if the good Dr. Gates spoke up for Chanequa Campbell. He discusses the sexism, the skin shade racism and classism. Something we black female bloggers have been discussing and being derided for of course.

Consider This the Black Woman's Version of ACT UP!

A Beautiful Birth To A New Mindset

For all of those that can't withstand the mere mention of the dysfunction in SOME black men without losing it you might want to change the channel. There is no way of sweetening the bitterness so that SOME of you may deign to read and comprehend. I can't recork the bottle. My experiences are not yours and we don't all share the same perspectives. So proceed with caution and take deep breaths. If ALL of your experiences have been straight out of a Disney film enjoy your memories because that is truly wonderful. This isn't a movie and we have to do a cold-hard assessment of what it's like for the collective not a few individuals. So proceed....

Someone asked me if I really believed that the majority of black men despise black women. After my awakening outside the Matrix last week I would say absolutely. I'm not going by my feelings. There was no break-up and nobody "done me wrong". I had a conversation with some men and gave them every opportunity to be gracious. Their contempt floored me and it wasn't even about me. I realized that contempt went from Michelle Obama to Serena Williams to you and me. Educated men who are not criminals, unemployed, or multiple baby-daddies. You know the ones we'd think were "normal". So it got me thinking. If this is what you consider NORMAL behavior then you've been devalued for far too long and have lost all discernment.

• Abandoning a woman and the child you've created is a sign of contempt.
• Denying your child and not providing (well) for him/her because you don't like the mother. (The Kelis/Nas divorce will show this. Will she now become a "chickenhead" to justify the deplorable behavior of the black male rap artist "God"?)
• Killing the child from another woman's previous relationship.
• Promoting lighter skin as your preference is skin shade racism. Black on black racism. Whatever you don't prefer you place little value in.
• These numerous (educated, non criminal) men who ecstatically dissect the body Serena Williams in the most condescending manner imaginable, write articles referring to Michelle Obama as a "ghetto girl" and other public attacks on black women.
• These men that complain about black women for every little thing we do or don't do.
• These men that refer to us as Pedestal Pattys for daring to go on a date w/o offering sex afterwards. The entire purpose of dating is to find out if you are compatible for marriage. At least that's what the purpose of dating is supposed to be. It's not how little money you can spend before suggesting we do the mattress mambo or claiming to be "nice".
• Not being able to walk down the street without some guy trying to "holla" at you. It is in fact worse. Women have been shot and killed over not handing over a phone number or agreeing to go out with these DBRs. It is street harassment, & physical intimidation.
• The 50% rape and molestation rate for black girls living in the "black community".
• The complete SILENCE from the"good" men who see all of this happening and DO NOTHING to stop it. With the public Letterman smack-down over the Palin "joke" we see how white men DO step in when necessary to police the men in their group.

Nowadays some pretty warped thinking has people doing everything out of order is the correct way to live. People who know better have remained SILENT. No more!!

If this wasn't about black men would you feel free to find any of this deplorable?

As I've already shown in this post on a blogger who recognizes DBR behavior, you can read the thoughts and words of a white man who wasn't afraid to state the obvious. They consider the bulk of the white women who get involved with black men to be low class. They very plainly see the mass dysfunction in the "black community" but aren't saying anything. Anytime it has potential to spill over into their residential areas or disrupt their daily lives they IMMEDIATELY step in to put a stop to it. 

Exhibit A. Post-Katrina armed guards stop survivors from entering their less damaged areas

Exhibit B. PA Private Club bans Creative Steps students

Too many blacks are decrying the racism instead of putting two and two together. When you let gangsta rap take over with their talk of shooting the police, drugs, alcoholism, violence and a death wish you put them on alert (even as the white male executives who actively promoted that garbage made billions for their companies). When you let people go on Jerry Springer and Maury to display the results of their out of control sexual escapades and proof of irresponsibility, people took notice. When BET decided they were going to show blacks at their absolute worse and blacks ate it up, people took notice. Even now this latest reality show about the drug addict mother and sister of an R&B singer is being watched. When the liberal use of the N-Word is condoned and by a man who's a college professor (and infotainment hustler) and he was NOT SHUT DOWN, people took notice.

That would be all the other racial/ethnic groups. The average African-American? Not so much. People complained but they didn't do anything to stop it. 

Has it occurred to anyone there's a reason why certain blacks are getting unfettered air time because they're reinforcing this dysfunction. It not only upholds white supremacy but it prepares others to write off ALL blacks.

Let's talk about the way black women interact with each other. Since so many are still living the "black community" lie they're usually competing with each over some variation of a DBR. They rush to buy relationship books from black men, even men who've been married three times and cheated on his last wife with his current one. They defer to these men and are male-identified. They'll forgive a man for anything short of rape or murder (and sometimes that too) but will cross another black woman off their list for good for any little slight or for having a difference of opinion. They often berate their female children and are extra harsh on them. They don't warn them of the dangers of their environments or prepare them. They often regard each other with suspicion or are generally dismissive and competitive in other situations not involving men for NO REASON. They often adopt the same DBR behaviors but only when dealing with other.

I have to admit I was prepared to take the hits from black men who don't want the DBR behavior evaluated and the women who rush to their defense. I see it all the time. Any mere mention that black man isn't perfect is seen as a challenge. I am an advocate for black women and girls after all. What I didn't expect was the vitriol I'd get from some of those women for talking about why the OOW birth rate is literally killing them and their children. We don't want to continue sending the message that's it's a day at the park when we know that's a lie.

ACT UP! was founded in 1987 by a few radical LGBTs and supporters who decided that the death and poor quality of life for their group was UNACCEPTABLE. They insisted that individual people change their behavior. Yes they had their choices dissected. Yes they were told they couldn't just do whatever they wanted. They had to take precautions. They had to THINK. No it wouldn't do anything for some people but it would prevent a similar unpleasant set of circumstances for others. That's the point. Save the group. By any means necessary. It was also why the shift occurred to promote stable relationships and marriage. This is how the rest of society operates and they could not continue to act in opposition of it. So if that means women don't have sex until well past 21, so be it. If that means leaving behind your biological family for a family you create of like-minded people, so be it. If that means taking the slings and arrows for daring to mention that raising a child by yourself is not a good idea then so be it. 

This isn't about telling someone they have to be anything....except SMART. Wise in their decisions. Once you bring another life into this world it isn't about you anymore. It's about the quality of life for that child. I see far too many people struggling under the burden of not having enough. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough sleep, not enough help. We can't talk about the DBR black men and not think about the origins of their lives. They were once children. Innocent. They were usually abandoned or not raised in the most condusive environments. Yes someone may have tried their best as well but we see the results don't we? After a certain age it's simply too late. So if we're gong to warn women to stay away from them why can't we talk about how they came to be? It's a vicious cycle. It's too late for many many people. Again, this isn't about you. 

This is like throwing a rock at a tidal wave. This is a last ditch effort to see who can be saved. We're never going back to the economic highs of the 1990's. The entire financial system was propped up on lies. Unless you have at least $1M in assets and can liquidate it, who's really safe? We're all trying to live, so why not live as well as we can? Multiple streams of income are necessary. Children require a lot of time and expense. They are an investment. Some people don't put any thought into the type of life they are able to provide them. People have pets they treat better. In fact a lot of people have pets but never take them to the vet or the groomer or to obedience school. They just do whatever they feel like, feeding the pet whatever they think will fill their bellies with little nutrition in mind. Some people treat their children with the same careless attitude. 

This is radical talk to not only suggest but TELL black women to get out of the "black community" mentality. It's a death trap of poor residential neighborhoods were crimes against humanity are happening EVERY DAY. You don't know this because you may not live there and it's not being reported on the news. It's a death trap of out of order thinking where the dysfunctional has become the norm. It's a death trap when people will fight you to take away their poison. No other group categorized by the CDC is suffering the way black girls and women are. The CDC - which stands for Center for Disease Control by the way - is tracking our demise. Think about that. They have it all plainly listed on spreadsheets. 

If this was happening to white women other whites would have stepped in and called attention to it. If the OOW birth rate keeps increasing for them they may. Of course those women are thought to be part of the lower classes and sexing black men so they may be left to their own devices as well. 

For all of you who want to stay in your "Cone of Silence" and in the "Land of Denial" go ahead. YOUR experiences may be different. That's not what's the typical for most black girls. This isn't about you, it's for THEM. We have a small window of opportunity to get a message out and I don't have time to argue semantics, degrees of oppression, why properly crediting African American heritage is correct (since it usually involves a self-sacrificing WOMAN) and other points of contention someone wants to come up with.

Are you really in support of black women and girls (with all the necessary accountability) or are you more invested in being "right" and holding on to your totems?