Rihanna Who? Chris Brown's Mommy Would Rather Cry For Her Son's Loss of Income Instead!

Now you KNOW I had to discuss the Chris Brown interview that aired last night. The fact Chris Brown and his momma Joyce Hawkins (along with his lawyer thrown in for good measure) appeared on Larry King spoke volumes. This is part of the "Don't Believe What Your Eyes Are Showing You" Tour. Or as Khadija, blog host of Muslim Bushido so aptly wrote about recently: The Mass Gaslighting of African American Women.

We are being pressured to have a pity party for a felon and:

• Ignore the fact this is a grown man over the age of 18.
• Ignore the fact he beat and threatened to kill a woman.
• Ignore the fact the police report states he was a serial abuser.

He claimed to "love" Rihanna. He talked about how difficult this "situation" is. Boo Hoo. He said he couldn't "remember" punching, kicking, biting a woman with one hand, seeing blood splatter the dashboard all while driving a car with the other hand. That's a skill set! Someone from his record label likely screamed at him how that's serial killer talk. So he tried to amend what he STATED VERY PLAINLY by claiming he "misspoke". Which is PR talk for Cover Your A**. See what had happened was/I meant to say.. Give me a break.

We don't remember things that have no meaning to us. So his beating a woman to a bloody pulp was so far down on his list of priorities he couldn't even recall that he'd done it. It had happened so many times before that he couldn't recall that one particular act of violation. He had dance routines he could think of first but using his fist to communicate his inadequacies..nope!

Read the police report for yourself.

I was waiting for a litany of excuses. I was waiting for the "but what about blah blah who did blah blah". The same variation of "my baby isn't a criminal". Mind you this "baby" is a grown man! That doesn't stop these women from ignoring the crimes their sons have committed and declaring them "victims". Victims of what I don't know. Being held responsible is a foreign concept to some people no matter what the price.

Just ask Nathan Walker's mommy. Just ask William Balfour's. Just ask the one who's going to cry for "Jesus" and say you need to "forgive" the next miscreant that shoots at, rapes or steals from you or your child. Ok I'll bite: what about OJ, R Kelly, Miles Davis...and let me tell you the list could go on and on.....and on and on. This history of abuse from black men against black women has always been there to view for those who decided to look and SEE it! It's time to take a stand against this blanket knee-jerk criminal amnesty being given to men who have no REGRETS, haven't CHANGED one iota and have no plans for making amends.

*In case the above video doesn't play I've enclosed a Showbiz Tonight segment about the interview.

Do You Sometimes Wonder How Dysfunctional Relationships Become the Norm?

Per celeb gossip news rapper Nelly and singer Ashanti broke up last week. When I read it I wondered why it was a surprise. The guy made a music video where he slid a credit card down the butt cheeks of a woman. That speaks volumes about his character, values and how he views black women as disposable objects. Plus they'd "dated" for five years. You know where I'm going with this. If you've spent x amount of time trying to get someone to commit to you and they don't, they're just not that into you. Not to mention the fact that's not smart dating!

In the other singer/rapper break up news pairing Kelis and Nas' divorce was very acrimonious. She had to hire a forensic accountant to track money he'd claimed he didn't have to get the settlement she felt she was entitled to. She's since asked for a lump sum payment instead of monthly allocation. Many of her former "friends" in the industry have dragged her through the mud and other male rappers have predictably called her every name but her own. I'm sure they'd still have sex with her though.

I'm not surprised by the actions of these "men" because spotting the disdain they reserve for black women is like playing Pin the Tail On the Donkey without the blinders. Yet I'm still seeing comments from black women joining in the fake outrage. How dare she ask for any spousal or child support! Perhaps she wants to nurse her child and bond with him yet to hear some women talk she should "get a job". It's part of that Superwoman/Mammy/Mule myth.

Well, her job for the past decade has been "entertainer" which is already a type of fantasy career most will never achieve. I get the impression those who live with less expect other women to do so and resent any elevation in status. Remember the number of defenders of Chris Brown who claimed Rihanna had asked to be beat within an inch of her life? These are the relationships that are being held up as "normal" relations between blacks? This makes me want to tell black women and men to stay away from each other period - but that I know there are exceptions. Yet the sad thing is they are exceptions because I do think the majority are toxic. The "celeb" status of the couples featured only exacerbates the inherent pathologies underlying their conflicts.

Then you have the "educated" idiots like Michael Eric Dyson who may be degreed but have no common sense. His attempt at uplifting the word ni**er as an art form earns him a permanent FAIL. Skippy Gates' defense of 2 Live Crew which I highlighted in an earlier post helped usher in the gangsta rap/bling/ho culture. Directors like Tyler Perry reinforce a narrow definition of black womanhood based on religiosity and stigmas. Let's stop allowing these black men to uplift the gutter at our expense.

Denigration for breakfast, lunch and dinner for more than a decade and why do people wonder why 14 year olds (and younger) are committing crimes like rape and murder? Think about all the adults who buy Grand Theft Auto for children. They're being taught to objectify women and to become criminals. It's not a game. It's indoctrination. It should be considered a form of child abuse as its unsupervised use creates a mini Hitler-like person.

What's the solution? Well this may not be a one-size-fits-all response. The wound is so deep it's time to cut off the limb to save a life. A tourniquet may have worked at one time but too much time has passed denying the wound was there to begin with. Our choices will likely reflect our mentality to begin with. It also comes down to how shrewd we are or are willing to be. We don't want to keep playing catch-up while life is passing us by.

If Wanting The Best Lives for Black Women & Girls Is "Political" or "Radical" Just Call Me Angela!

I guess I shouldn't be surprised by the confused and hostile reactions expressed by those who've read my recent posts or follow me on various social media platforms. Some are forgetting the point of the conversation is to ensure the lives of children are not being negatively impacted unnecessarily. It's also to remind black women that they are not and should not be taking on the role of mother, father, breadwinner and superwoman solo. You can NOT really effectively parent if you're bone tired, emotionally drained or choosing which bill to skip to make ends meat. You will age yourself prematurely from lack of sleep, nutrition and any time for yourself. Even if you have help it's still not the same thing as having a mate to ease your burdens and remind you of how special you are. 

I spend lots of time online and generally enjoy chatting and connecting with people. Of course it's a public forum and though I've had many great conversations online here on Blogger, Twitter, Facebook and other social media unless I've actually met you eyeball to eyeball we don't know each other really. Sometimes you have to have a face to face to really suss people out. That may or may not be possible or necessary. Nor is that a goal of mine actually. 

We spend time online to network, open our social circles and to meet like-minded people. I've had people upend a lot of my confused and disordered thinking. I have felt angry, frustrated and resistant. I've asked questions. I've had to be open to work through this. I've drawn certain lines in the sand. It's a process. I am very grateful for that. We all won't see eye to eye on the same issues and may have to part ways. That's okay because we have to live the life of our choosing. We cannot let other people dictate our philosophies. Regardless I know I always try to conduct myself in a respectful manner, but in my forum I will speak my mind as I see fit. Without apology. If the message isn't for you then you are free to ignore me at will safe in the knowledge that your life is where you want it to be.

Yet some people don't want to walk away. They want to get you to change your mind to their way of thinking. Why is that? It always amazes me when people disagree by selectively picking one sentence or one point while discarding the entire message. I shouldn't be surprised. This isn't for those who arrived at their destination point and have disembarked. This is for those still traveling who may decide to continue, change course or get off.

What I didn't realize was that I was a radical. I mean I'm an average woman living an average life. I've long struggled to feel free to be myself and to find out who I am fully divested and free. I've been hampered by some warped set of invisible rules as well as the conditioning of people I call family. Being your own person takes a lot of effort. I've run far far away hoping distance and time would transform me. It can but hasn't always happened on my schedule or the way I preferred. These experiences are apparently part of my journey. You have to try a few things for size and push back on certain ideas and ideologies. I've still held on to the belief that some of the things I've seen while on that journey of discovery didn't mean what they do. Everything has been stripped and burned. 

I've taken the red pill and am out of the Matrix.

While I was inside I was often sullen and miserable and I couldn't figure out why. No amount of religion, partying, traveling, job changes or talk could change it. I had people outside the Matrix telling me I was being negative. It was very frustrating, because it's not like I was trying to be negative. I felt as if I was trapped by something. I thought it was white racism. I thought it was some untold childhood trauma that I'd blanked out. I thought it was living in a particular city. I thought it was looking a certain way. I knew it was something but I could never figure out what. I've always felt restless. Meeting really nice people always made me slightly uncomfortable. I figured it was an act and the "real" them would come out eventually. People with problems I could relate to. Content people - no way. Too scary. 

I had to have everything in my life come to a complete standstill as I've worked through this. I felt I was making some progress but still couldn't put my finger on it. I started blogging because I've always enjoyed writing. I've kept a journal on and off since I was a child and going through some of them I found myself circling the same recurrent themes. So I've just been writing hoping for a breakthrough. Well I've had mine and more may be coming. I'm looking forward to it. 

My journey is my own. I'm sharing parts of it hoping this will help someone else. You will have your own path. I cannot convince you of anything without you going through the process yourself. If you choose to. This isn't about me really. I think there's a message that's been written on my heart and I've been charged by a Divine Power (however you may define that) to speak on it. I've spent a lot of time reading the works of other bloggers. I've been reading a lot of literature and there's even more content I need to learn from. It's a journey that winds and continues. There are other women with messages on their hearts that they've been humble enough to share. You have to make yourself vulnerable to open up. You have no control over how people respond to that message or even if they'll listen.

Often these discussions can be so painful that people don't want to hear them or misinterpret them. People are so invested in clinging to their totems they're drowning. I am not responsible for how anyone reacts to my message. All I'm responsible for is being my authentic self. I can state clearly that I have been. I try to make sure I have proper boundaries in place though. This isn't a forum where anything goes. We are discussing serious and painful issues. I am not a therapist. 

What I am is a black woman who wants the world to be a kinder place for all the children of the world. It has been written on my heart to feel especially concerned for the welfare of little black girls. I see so many who look like they'd rather be anywhere than where they are. I've felt that way at times. We can't just hope - we have to take action and be responsible for our choices. We have to learn how to make good ones though. It's the difference between being independent and free. 

When I speak of the "black community" lie I am talking about the dysfunction that has gone unchecked. I'm talking about decaying residential areas that are unsafe. I'm talking about these unrealistic expectations on black women to do everything, fix everything and diminish themselves in every way so some insecure men feel better about themselves. I'm talking about all the time, money and energy black women give to organizations from their local church to the NAACP who do not reciprocate pound for pound. Nor are we demanding it collectively. I'm talking about the myopic view of what the community is and why it's so stifling. I'm talking about the strict regime of a group of blacks who either a) despise other blacks  b) stress jumping through hoops of false expressions of blackness c) being tied by degrading music and entertainment and d) make no mention of attacking these dysfunctions head on. Some of these people are poor, some are poor in spirit, some belong to what they refer to as an "elite" class, some are male-identified, some are males and some like to make lots of excuses. 

It's just the same when I discuss how a majority of black men despise black women. It's because of their weakened position post-slavery. Guess what though? We are in a similar weakened state as well. We've just decided to work through it. We had to try because we are responsible for carrying new life to term. The men can't stand even the tiniest amount of criticism. Why is upholding a false contract of superiority my responsibility? I had an acquaintance revisit an online exchange between me, her and her male friend where he referred to black women derogatorily. I felt he was being disrespectful and she let him violate my space. I responded in kind. She brought it up a week later to admonish me. I had to set her straight again that I did not owe him any apologizes and he had crossed a line. She then admitted he had a horrible attitude toward women and it wasn't a big deal. Well how could that be when she brought it up again? My male friends don't publicly refer to women as hoes and definitely not in my presence. We are clearly working from two different paradigms of acceptable behavior. The very idea that I demand to be treated with respect should never be questioned. People who share a common set of values don't. My calling someone an idiot is not the great offense of modern times, but apparently it is if he's black.

Unemployment is always used as a reason for child abandonment. If the black man had a job he'd be a father. So what of the millionaires and celebrities who behave the same way? Why don't the whole lot of men terminate their reproductive capabilities? Why create a life and walk away? It's an excuse. You can't have a large group of men perpetually out of work for four decades unless there are other pathologies in existence. If you drop out of school, have an attitude and sense of entitlement you may find you have put more obstacles in your path than anyone else. It can't all be about white racism. If it is then everyone should just take cyanide and be done with it because your life is apparently over.

For all of those unpleasantries we do have those that provide, protect, befriend and behave. They're just lost in the sea of perpetual insanity. We have numerous examples of people who've taken risks as well. The irony of course is how many in the "black community" stood by and did nothing or fought other people tooth and nail for daring to have a vision. It was their vision that improved the lives of the very people who were ungrateful and trying to block blessings. Now that most of those pioneers and rabble-rousers are dead it's all gravy. The stench of that hypocrisy leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't like revisionist history. If people are cowards they should live a coward's life with its coward's rewards. I was willing to take some common sense statements from a racist (in an earlier post) to prove my point about the abnormal behavior in the "black community" lie. I guess I am a radical after all.

I will leave you with this comment from another blogger who has been instrumental in assisting me on this journey. This isn't about dissecting the choices of individuals and their lives. This is about the collective (including those left of what used to be called the black community) making a choice whether they want to see themselves rendered in a permanent underclass of haves and have-nots OR if they want to salvage what's left with the decent people who would work for their survival and elevation. Now can somebody explain to me how this is radical, political, disruptive, presumptive, impossible, offensive and anything else other than NORMAL?

And so we call on those AA women who want to live good lives to reject having OOW births. To reject "Booty Call/Hook-Up" culture, and EVERYTHING connected to it. We call on AA women to claim their God-given right to be WIVES who are protected and provided for. To claim their God-given right to live in peace and security.

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Prop 8 Fight Rages On: What About Trans Women and Men?

Now while the fight for marriage equality for LGBTs doesn't directly affect me in my daily life it certainly bothers my sensibilities. One of the major arguments about the passage of Prop 8 in California is how it discriminates against a marginalized group. Who has determined the criteria for marginalization? There has also been this somewhat successful meme-stealing by linking Civil Rights for African-Americans to Marriage Rights for gays. As an African-American woman I cannot express my continued outrage over this!! Not to mention the fact it posits those LGBTs being discriminated against must only be white. I have intentionally used "gay", because it's a dirty little secret amongst the LGBT "community" that it is in fact as fractured as what we commonly refer to as the "Black community".

There is a well-documented history and current bias that gays and lesbians engage in by attacking members of the trans community. I honestly had no idea it was as prevalent and entrenched as it is. Why would I - it's not as if they're going to ADVERTISE it!! I've been reading Voz Latina blog hosted by a transwoman who has been educating me on the history of violence and oppression by gay and lesbian activists against trans men and women. *She asked that I remove her name from this post for security reasons. Even in attempting to dismantle the biases of people within the LGBT community, transwomen are under additional scrutiny and potential for harm. This is why when we speak of all the "isms" we must make sure to get ALL sides of the story and tell the WHOLE truth. Otherwise we're nothing short of an echo chamber that feeds our ego and point of view. 

So we should be asking who does it benefit stepping over transpeople when you are trying to get your "homo" agenda pushed ahead? Who's the "real" victim? There have been cases where transwomen have had to sue companies for the right to use the women's restroom. The latest is a Denny's restaurant case but there was an rather embarrassing kerfuffle at the Beverly Hills Hilton last year with a music producer who was ejected based on her masculine appearance. Since she showed her driver's license and identified herself as female that should have been the end of it, but she was humiliated for being "different". Yes even in LaLaLand! 

Now admittedly I've had to do double-takes from time to time with whom I've shared a public space with but I've also had to get a group of women to commandeer stalls designated for men when there weren't enough available for us to use - which is practically all the time. I don't think I'd deserve to be presumed guilty of some uncommitted offense just because I was a cis-gendered woman. 

So I've written a few posts about the unsolved assaults and murder of transwomen like Duanna Johnson as well as the ongoing fight for gender parity and racism. It's all the same thing that manifests itself differently. I suppose we'll never have utopia but I can't abide with hearing about how "wrong" it is for two LGBTs who want to be themselves and be together from a pseudo-religious person who's following "God". Especially when I know and THEY KNOW they were doing everything under the sun before Sunday service or sit in harsher judgment of people than the Almighty ever would. We have come far but we have a long way to go. So let's continue the good fight and check ourselves along the way to have a little slice of heaven in THIS life.

Why Do These Politicians Insist On Lying?

If this was a soap opera this latest saga between Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, the CIA and the Republican obfuscation agenda would be called: The Lying Liars and the Lies. If you believe that Pelosi didn't know the methods of interrogation being used by the CIA and others in the government I've got a nice padded cell to recommend to you because you must be crazy! Now having said that, I am fairly certain ALL the elected officials who were in office during the Bush administration had some inkling of the shadiness that went down. It wouldn't be too far fetched to think many of them were directly involved, profited from it in some way or turned a blind eye to it just to get by. 

This is why the President is not going to bring former President Bush, Vice President Cheney or the other war profiteers to justice. The Democrats are up to their eyeballs in the mud just like the Republicans. Perhaps they weren't giving the orders but collectively they did nothing to stop it either. We know the typical politician's first rule of thumb is to self-protect and Pelosi has been at this for a very long time. The art of negotiation and strategizing can be a slippery slope where hanging on may be...difficult. Trying to fight the good fight may mean doing it alone. 

We can look to how Cynthia McKinney has been treated unfairly and hung out to dry as an example of someone who stuck out their neck and got nicked. Had she been cozying up to lobbyists and doing harm to her former constituents she'd still be in Congress and a member of the Democratic party. Nancy don't play that! She had some rather harsh words about how the CIA "mislead" Congress but has since adopted a more conciliatory tone. 

It is no coincidence that as Pelosi is working on a comprehensive health care plan for the country this attack occurs. That's a rabbit hole we'll never emerge from! This ties into why the President wasn't volunteering to release the latest round of photos showing "terror suspects" being tortured. The big picture here is that the Bush administration and its supporters violated terms of the Geneva Convention. Far too many of the general voting public went right along with it after the drum beats of war were sounded post-9/11. Remember that nonsense about changing the name of French fries to Freedom fries? 

So we are all somewhat responsible and we have to learn our lessons so we don't repeat them. We have to stop letting politicians attach a false morality to everything they do - and don't do. It would be so nice if these Republicans would spend as much time being constructive as they are at running these schemes. Some would rather see people in despair, ill, unemployed and left to fend for themselves than seek solutions to problems. From their blocking needle exchange programs in the 90's to slow the spread of AIDS to this latest bully pulpit, denial only makes things worse. 

As our current President seeks to rebuild goodwill around the world and rebuild the infrastructure in this country nothing's going to change unless we work for it. We have to uphold a minimum standard and block obstructionism from members of the political parties, corporations and individuals. Pelosi will more than likely emerge from this latest non-troversy unscathed but will we?