Monday, March 2, 2009

About this Chris Brown/Rihanna "Reunion" - BIG FAIL!

This is not a time to be playing Donnie Hathaway/Roberta Flack's song "Back Together Again".

You know I was going to write a long-winded but poignant post about domestic violence, how the lives of Black women and girls are in constant peril and about how (some) Black people will make all kinds of excuses for the misdeeds of a Black man because only he is the "oppressed" one whereas Black women are supposed to be invincible to any attack and are always capable of being fully responsible, but I think anyone who reads my blog already knows how I feel about these types of situations. 

This is a preview of what her corpse will look like if she continues to make poor choices about the men she allows into her life and what is and isn't acceptable behavior from them. I'm using the big photo so people can be reminded of the ugly truth.

Instead I'm just going to say this: all the excusers and deniers need to know what it feels like to get the crap beaten out of you by a guy who claims to "love" you, all the wanna be tough guys/punks need to spend time in a real jail or prison with a few hardened criminals for a reality check and I don't have any sympathy for Rihanna the next time she gets a beat down. Yes, it WILL HAPPEN AGAIN but this time it'll stay behind closed doors.

You know as much as I find the toxic tone of Perez Hilton's blog distasteful at times, he really stood up for her and had the appropriate public outrage Black people SHOULD HAVE HAD over this instead of all the hemming and hawing that was on display. This is why the "collective" is in a free-fall and it's everybody for themselves. You might be trying to do your very best but five idiots down the street are ready to knock you and yours off over a few trinkets or some perceived slight. Or just because they're evil. Some of them may be miscreants but often they're the educated fools working in concert with others to step over you for pennies on the dollar.

Unless Chris Brown gets therapy, admits he's at fault AND faces all legal consequences he isn't remorseful and no amount of "counsel by his pastor" will change that. Rihanna should have never gone back to him and I am angry at any supposed friend or relative in her life that encouraged her to do so. They do NOT have her best interests at heart. Frankly right now she doesn't have her best interests at heart. This isn't cute and it certainly isn't a joke. This is how women end up DEAD. It sends a bad message to all of the females that admired her for her spunkiness. Oh well, this is yet ANOTHER REASON why we should NEVER make a role model out of a celebrity. 

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Renee said...

While I agree with you that she should not have returned, I don't think that we can sit in judgment of that decision. On average it takes 10-12 attempts for a battered woman to leave a relationship that is abusive. You have to remember that when a man first hits you there have been multiple acts of emotional abuse leading up to that moment. Many women don't feel that they deserve any better because they have been so emotionally beaten down. The abuser may even threaten to kill the woman if she leaves. Instead of judging her decision, I think that we should be supporting her and encouraging her to leave at the same time. If we turn our backs on her she will be less likely to seek help when the time comes when she needs it.

Faith at Acts of Faith Blog said...

Renee: Ms. Fenty is not the average woman who lacks money, resources and access. You are correct that a man tests a woman an escalates his behavior. So the woman should be constantly vetting the man she's with.

Regardless of the difficulty it is still a woman's CHOICE to remain with an abuser. Some women will in fact defend that abuser from outside criticism - which is the ditch were she fell into. Had she stood her ground and sued him she'd have faced the scorn of the warped minds of many Blacks. That's a shame.

If you are in a burning house the time to get out is NOW. All of the philosophical conversations, psychoanalysis, hand-holding and understanding in the world isn't going to change that either. It's GET OUT or PERISH.

The sooner we stop trying to understand and coddle Black women over remaining in abusive or grossly imbalanced relationships or living in violent residential areas the sooner more of us can thrive and survive.

Renee said...

Black women are not coddled women. In fact it is my belief that other than our Indigenous sisters we are the most attacked women. We know that Rhirhi has been broken down psychologically and this can not be taken for granted. The way to get her to leave is not to scold her and abandon her. Do you believe she is more likely to leave if she believes that she does not have a support network?
I would also like to point out that there was an element of classism in your final statement. Blacks live in violent neighbourhoods because that is what they can afford. If they had the money to live in the suburbs in a 6000 sq ft palace they would. People do the best they can with the tools that they are given.

Faith at Acts of Faith Blog said...

Renee we will have to agree to disagree. I've never said all Black women were coddled. I don't also don't agree about people being too poor to leave mostly black residential areas that are overrun by crime and violence. If you're receiving public assistance you can move to another area that offers the same benefits that may be a better area if it's a priority. People can go protest about a primate cartoon they can certainly demand something from their elected officials. That has nothing to do with class when it's a matter of life and death. Some areas that were good have been taken over by criminals - so it's either get rid of them or leave. How many poor people have you seen over the course of your lifetime with cable, the latest electronic gadget or better yet $150 sneakers. I used to have your perspective until it dawned on me that people allow their children to be raised under that environment and how "we" are killing ourselves off one by one. The gov't isn't going to do anything about that. People have to change. For the record I am not wealthy or even middle class but I am a bargain hunter. If people can start over with zero and limited reading skills after being freed from slavery they most certainly can move out of a bad neighborhood. That's not classist - that's having high expectations of what we're capable of.