Tuesday, August 4, 2009
How One Guy's Colorism Turned Off A Potential Love Interest on Millionaire Matchmaker
I guess this is my week for reality television reruns. I've been watching Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo. It's a high-class dating service in Los Angeles where the owner, Patti Sanger promotes love matches and encourages marriage. She charges a minimum of $20K to clients and has a 99% success rate for those that take her advice. Usually the millionaires are picky, have unrealistic expectations and require a certain amount of maintenance. Her standards are very high for the behavior of the millionaires as well as in recruiting potential mates. She typically arranges for clients to have a date with someone of their choosing out of a pool of candidates and one of her choosing.
One of Patti's clients is 36 year-old Xander. He's biracial and is set up with one young white woman (22) who eliminates herself by telling him she doesn't know what she wants out of life yet. She was the warm up to his date with Violet though - who was chosen by Patti. She is also younger - but they don't mention her age. She's also biracial and seems like a nice woman. He picks her up in a limo and she's innocent enough to be impressed and tell him. He takes her to the Hustler Club for gambling. She doesn't gamble though and lets him know. He made a quip about "corrupting" her but should have immediately adjusted his plans for their date to something she felt comfortable with.
Later on they have a meal and he proceeds to compliment her repeatedly. If I was on a date with a guy who hadn't bothered to plan something romantic or even inquired some basic information from me and then fawned over me excessively I'd think he was trying to get me into bed as quickly as possible. I wouldn't think he was sincere or really interested in knowing me at all. I had to search for video, found the show available for purchase but with a Zune media player that isn't compatible with Mac. Oh well. I did get reaction interviews from them on Hulu which I've embedded.
Xander was enthralled (by her appearance) and wanted to see Violet again. Earlier in this episode he explained that he was still single because he'd put work first. Plus he has a three-year old daughter. He said he'd met the mother of his daughter "at Spring break". Now why a man in his 30's is picking up undergrads tells me a lot about his character, but he seems like one of the "nicer" clients. Compared to the men in their 40's who still only want to date 18-25 year olds this is mild. It just shows that a caliber mate requires so much more than looks, money and relative youth.
Violet told Patti she wasn't interested in a second date. She discusses the date here. She's very diplomatic on camera and seems like a real class act. Now how many black men would put her on the pedestal until she demanded to be treated with a level of respect they don't feel black women (even biracial, light-skinned exceptions) deserve? I'm thinking of music artist Kelis and how many of her male peers who made her the "exception" are trashing her now because of the terms of her divorce settlement with Nas is more than what they think she "deserves"!
Patti had a follow-up with Xander he was taken aback that Violet wasn't interested in a second date. Patti told him he'd gone overboard, but of course the underlying issue would never be examined. He was fawning over Violet's lighter skin shade and she knew it. That's why she didn't want to go out with him again. He'd also complimented the first date but not nearly as much. The first date was cute but I could see this was one of those "blond hair makes you pretty" scenarios - but he'd chosen her!
He was too superficial and despite having lots of money there are some women who simply want MORE. They don't want to be objectified even if they're getting the long end of the stick. I don't know if I'd classify Xander as a DBR but he is someone who has serious flaws. I was curious why he was having such difficulty with dating being that he's wealthy and not unattractive. He presents a low value caliber despite his obvious appeal. Even though Patti told him telling a woman that she's beautiful 15 times is creepy he was prepared to discard her advice until the other male client whose date had been more successful informed him that two times in one night was sufficient.