Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Do You Sometimes Wonder How Dysfunctional Relationships Become the Norm?
Per celeb gossip news rapper Nelly and singer Ashanti broke up last week. When I read it I wondered why it was a surprise. The guy made a music video where he slid a credit card down the butt cheeks of a woman. That speaks volumes about his character, values and how he views black women as disposable objects. Plus they'd "dated" for five years. You know where I'm going with this. If you've spent x amount of time trying to get someone to commit to you and they don't, they're just not that into you. Not to mention the fact that's not smart dating!
In the other singer/rapper break up news pairing Kelis and Nas' divorce was very acrimonious. She had to hire a forensic accountant to track money he'd claimed he didn't have to get the settlement she felt she was entitled to. She's since asked for a lump sum payment instead of monthly allocation. Many of her former "friends" in the industry have dragged her through the mud and other male rappers have predictably called her every name but her own. I'm sure they'd still have sex with her though.
I'm not surprised by the actions of these "men" because spotting the disdain they reserve for black women is like playing Pin the Tail On the Donkey without the blinders. Yet I'm still seeing comments from black women joining in the fake outrage. How dare she ask for any spousal or child support! Perhaps she wants to nurse her child and bond with him yet to hear some women talk she should "get a job". It's part of that Superwoman/Mammy/Mule myth.
Well, her job for the past decade has been "entertainer" which is already a type of fantasy career most will never achieve. I get the impression those who live with less expect other women to do so and resent any elevation in status. Remember the number of defenders of Chris Brown who claimed Rihanna had asked to be beat within an inch of her life? These are the relationships that are being held up as "normal" relations between blacks? This makes me want to tell black women and men to stay away from each other period - but that I know there are exceptions. Yet the sad thing is they are exceptions because I do think the majority are toxic. The "celeb" status of the couples featured only exacerbates the inherent pathologies underlying their conflicts.
Then you have the "educated" idiots like Michael Eric Dyson who may be degreed but have no common sense. His attempt at uplifting the word ni**er as an art form earns him a permanent FAIL. Skippy Gates' defense of 2 Live Crew which I highlighted in an earlier post helped usher in the gangsta rap/bling/ho culture. Directors like Tyler Perry reinforce a narrow definition of black womanhood based on religiosity and stigmas. Let's stop allowing these black men to uplift the gutter at our expense.
Denigration for breakfast, lunch and dinner for more than a decade and why do people wonder why 14 year olds (and younger) are committing crimes like rape and murder? Think about all the adults who buy Grand Theft Auto for children. They're being taught to objectify women and to become criminals. It's not a game. It's indoctrination. It should be considered a form of child abuse as its unsupervised use creates a mini Hitler-like person.
What's the solution? Well this may not be a one-size-fits-all response. The wound is so deep it's time to cut off the limb to save a life. A tourniquet may have worked at one time but too much time has passed denying the wound was there to begin with. Our choices will likely reflect our mentality to begin with. It also comes down to how shrewd we are or are willing to be. We don't want to keep playing catch-up while life is passing us by.