Friday, August 14, 2009

Interracial Dating Options Vs. Doomsday Marriage Prospects for Black Women

I was deciding whether to write this as two separate posts but I thought of the intersectionality of this latest dire prediction of unmarried childlessness for black women at MSNBC with what was a successful effort at combating it should be explored. The Free Your Mind dating event that was held in Los Angeles nearly two weeks ago was well-received!! Look for it to come to a city near you.

The organizer for the seminar, Fleace Weaver was interviewed by NPR.
Fleace Weaver, an L.A. socialite and the organizer of the night's event, got the idea after noticing that many of her black friends had it all — a career, house, independence — but no man. Weaver is black. She dates men of all colors — black, white, brown — and wants more black women to do the same. "I am an international lover. All right; I am an equal opportunity lover," Weaver says. "That means I love who is good to me. I don't want anybody just because they're a certain color."
Yes! It bears repeating since a quick peek at the comment section at NPR had some pushback, but nothing compared to the all-out attack by the naysayers and denigrators at another forum that linked to the article. I included it so those that may still question how many are focused on uplifting black women versus those ready to attack any progress are bearing fangs at the mere idea of them making affirming choices! These Internet Ike Turners and outright haters take pleasure in causing confusion and holding women back. It's imperative that we keep moving forward, try something different and let the miserable hang with their kind.

In the Marriage Eludes High-Achieving Black Women article at MSNBC, some of the usual stats are bandied about. If you're successful you'll be less likely to marry or have to marry down blah blah. And be childless.
Michelle Obama may have become an archetypal African-American female success story — law career, strong marriage, happy children — but the reality is often very different for other highly educated black women.

They face a series of challenges in navigating education, career, marriage and child-bearing, dilemmas that often leave them single and childless even when they’d prefer marriage and family, according to a research study recently presented at the American Sociological Society’s annual meeting in San Francisco.

One big reason why these women remained childless is, as one might expect, that they go unmarried, experts say. “Their marriage chances have declined,” Brueckner explained. “This may sound trivial but one reason is that they outnumber men in this education group.” The disparity in education is important because Americans have a strong tendency to marry those with equal levels of education, a trend that has only grown stronger since World War II. “So since there are fewer men with the same education,” Brueckner continued, “you either have to find another group you can marry or you are out of luck. You have nowhere to go.”

Highly educated black men tend to “outmarry” (marry outside race, religion or ethnicity) at a higher rate than black women, researchers say. Think of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates or Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. Both married white women. (Funny how they chose two men who have displayed they have NO VALUE to us!!)

Black women are either much more reluctant to marry outside their race, or do not have the opportunity to do so. The answer is both, Clarke said. In interviews with a large number of black women, she found that community pressures on black women to marry black men can be more intense than the reverse. Of course if highly educated black women felt free to have children outside of marriage, they could still have a family. When some white women make that choice it is often seen as a kind of liberal empowerment.

But according to Clarke, black women are concerned about looking "ghetto." Public interpretation of our actions matter for everyone, but especially for black women, Clarke explained. “When it comes to the issue of black women and should or should they not make a choice to have a child alone, these women are very much aware that the decision to do it makes people question their class status. We associate single unwed child bearing with poor African-American women.” Not all women who remain unmarried and childless are unhappy about it. But for a set of sometimes complex social reasons, some high-achieving black women find themselves disappointed.
This article brings up some interesting points. Married black women and apparently these "reluctantly single & childless" achieving black women are NOT having children at the rate of the underclass. That should be considered a seriously alarming trend because of the conditions of the residential areas and the mentality of many who are there. Your best and brightest not only won't be able to compete, they won't exist.

Now back to the NPR article which refutes this "you will die alone with cats theory":
But Weaver argues that Mr. Right doesn't have to be Mr. Black. "There's no reason for us to believe we have to be alone. The only thing that's keeping us from finding someone is that we limit ourselves," Weaver says.

If black women are set on "black love only," Weaver says they may be passing up good men. "Some of you all out here have gotten some signals, and you all missed them. Or you got signals, and you all blew him off because he wasn't chocolate," Weaver says. "But we've got to get over that — unless you want to be home with chocolate cats."
Indeed the MSNBC article glosses over the indoctrination tactics used to hold black women back to me. It also doesn't address the intra-black ethnic and cultural differences and how only certain groups of women have a more difficult time deciding to date caliber versus skin color. Which we've discussed here and at other blogs. There are plenty of men available for those willing to seek them out and it would be most beneficial if articles like this would speak truthfully and tell black women to stop limiting themselves.

We are free to be with whomever we want, to marry or remain single, to become a mother or not, to live anywhere and be treated with the respect and accord bestowed upon any other woman.

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11 comments:

Aphrodite said...

Hello Faith

"This defeats the goal of affirmative action, argue some demographers. The idea behind assuring that blacks had access to higher education and graduate school was that after a generation or so, African-Americans would reach a kind of achievement parity after generations of suffering educational and career restriction. But if black women, who comprise 71 percent of black graduate students, according to the census data, do not have children, the rate of achievement reaches a kind of familial dead end."


I thought this was a powerful assessment. And it is basically what the BWE bloggers have been saying all along:

Evia: mate out or die

Khadija: the AA race will be populated by a dysfunctional underclass

Halima : her most recent post


I am tripping that even a WM is seeing/calling this out.


I know that I need prayer bc this make me have more contempt for BM. If a WM could see that this could be one of the central ways that the BC could have moved further after the civil rights movement - I am truly angered at BM.


I went to both forums and I guess at the NPR one they tried to show some decorum, but on Topix they were showing their butts. I can tell from the tone that many felt really threatened both BW and BM and totally foaming at the mouth.

Many kept asking repeatedly why encourage other BW to do this? So Fleace has really stirred something up and I hope that she is prepared (security) for the onslaught personally and at the upcoming events. I mean this obviously had blown some heads completely wide open and many are disturbed.

rainebeaux said...

Faith, it took me a minute, but now I see that the two are related. I would've liked to see a sentence or three touching on the indoctrination aspect myself.

Aphrodite: I went to both forums and I guess at the NPR one they tried to show some decorum, but on Topix they were showing their butts. I can tell from the tone that many felt really threatened both BW and BM and totally foaming at the mouth. Many kept asking repeatedly why encourage other BW to do this?

~I can't speak on the NPR comment thread as of yet, but as for the topix thread...I've never seen so many IITs/ikettes in one spot! Quite disturbing to say the least, but not that surprised.

Is it just me, or is Stockholm syndrome (in several different forms at that) at near pandemic porportions in the AA collective (or what's left of it)?

Evia said...

I thought this was a powerful assessment. And it is basically what the BWE bloggers have been saying all along:

Evia: mate out or die

Khadija: the AA race will be populated by a dysfunctional underclass

Halima : her most recent post



Yes, Aphrodite, and now that it's official, in the news and being said by a WHITE person--LOL!-- some of these hating negroes will now start distancing themselves from these evil, final results. They will start saying: "Well, those are grown women. Nobody MADE them wait for a bm!" Or "Bw did what they wanted to do! They were selfish; they didn't want children." Or "Besides, marriage and children are not for everybody."

I am tripping that even a WM is seeing/calling this out.

My bm cousin told me 2 years ago to stop using 5 billion words on my blog and to just tell AA women to either, "Mate out or Die out!" But many bw are still scared to say that. That message needs to be on lots of billboards in every major large and small urban area. It needs to be talked up EVERYWHERE--in every beauty parlor and every church where bw gather.

This was an easily preventable situation, but now it's demographically too late. However, INDIVIDUAL bw who are reading these blogs can still alter their destiny. The CCBC (central committee of the black community) is NEVER going to give AA girls and women PERMISSION to mate out--even if we ALL die. Yet, the masses of bw are still waiting for that permission, so that folks--who aren't doing anything for them--won't call them "sellouts."

Even today, plenty AA women believe that somebody is going to come along and wave a wand and make bm straighten up and act like men. That's the chief reason some bw voted for Obama. SMH

Y'all had better get ready because the overwhelmingly bulk of AA children in the future WILL be born to those AA women who are the least capable of caring for or protecting them. And over time, their numbers will grow. Of course, there won't be any cotton or corn to grow or harvest, but the underclass will have plenty of organs (hearts, livers, kidneys, eyes, etc.) that others will pay good money for.

That sounds horrible, but underclass AAs will not be able to stop people from harvesting and selling their organs among other terrible things. The fact is that it's ALREADY happening in some parts of the world. I read that the Chinese already take organs from prisoners in their country. And I would bet organ harvesting and sales already occur here. We just don't know about it. Yet.

Karen said...

"That sounds horrible, but underclass AAs will not be able to stop people from harvesting and selling their organs among other terrible things. The fact is that it's ALREADY happening in some parts of the world. I read that the Chinese already take organs from prisoners in their country. And I would bet organ harvesting and sales already occur here. We just don't know about it. Yet."

It is already happening... Many, after fatal accidents and shootings are not going into the ground with the organs they were born with...

All of this under the radar...all the medical school, research institutes and pharmaceutical cadavers are not just from people bequeathing their bodies to science. The demand is too high.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

Aphrodite: I was concerned about repeating what we've been discussing on other BW's blogs but I think the message hasn't reached its saturation point yet. I'm not impressed that a white man penned a story about it because it would've been far more empowering to have presented it in the affirmative versus the negative. How about: "There are so many wonderful men of all races/nationalities out there waiting for educated, intelligent, upwardly mobile black women" instead of: "Black women, your dating prospects SUCK" and not addressing it's due to them purposefully limiting themselves!!!

rainbeaux: How much more can I say considering the message is either being accepted by a few and mostly rejected by the majority? That's not going to convince anyone. I'm moderating comments at WOAD now and certain black male commenters feel the need to obfuscate black male complicity in setting the indoctrination in motion and why it's being maintained. I think if you read the posts at Halima/Sara/CW/Evia etc they go into a lot of detail that may bring you up to speed.

Evia: You always bring the added dimensions to these conversations!! Harvesting organs and anything else of value will be the norm! Of course to even suggest this would be met with an outcry and denial, but I watched Dirty Pretty Things and that was about immigrants selling organs to pay for forged documents so they could stay in the UK. I can only imagine what goes on here. Women can already do an egg "donation" for a fee.

Karen: I'm sure this is being quietly conducted but it has to be a precise transaction. The body still has to have a heart beat and breathing to avoid organ failure...but I get your point.

rainebeaux said...

I've been reading the other blogs as well. It's just that...well, up until seven weeks ago, even with the "ghettocalypse" unfolding outside my front door, I sensed but didn't quite grasp that things really were this bad. As one can imagine, I'm even more disgusted.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

Rainebeaux: I think it'll take more time for the full ramifications of everything we discuss on these blogs to really hit home. I mean I was reading some of them for months to a year and it really didn't hit home for me until last month. I believe I was still compartmentalizing the depravity as being being something that some men did, the undesirable ones not the average, educated so-called "good guys". Once I realized it's across the board I've felt a fire and the need to try to get a message out as well as making different life choices for myself. So keep on going and you'll get to where you need to be.

zindzhi said...

I just realized that I know many educated high powered independent black women who are over 30 and still single and we live in Haiti all black country! I 'm thinking maybe I should create my own seminars for these gals.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

zindzhi: You should create a seminar! Every little bit helps!

zindzhi said...

Yeah I'm about to set up a matchmaking service for these gals.I'm only 24, but it saddens me to see these women have everything except for love.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

zindzhi: Much luck to you in your endeavors. Let us know how you progress.