tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post8081362103164537377..comments2023-07-16T03:58:42.088-07:00Comments on Acts of Faith In Love and Life: How One Guy's Colorism Turned Off A Potential Love Interest on Millionaire MatchmakerFaith at Acts of Faith Bloghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02150553143062604249noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-7273532192381025732009-08-07T14:06:40.191-07:002009-08-07T14:06:40.191-07:00Yup. I've been both without and with leverage...Yup. I've been both without and with leverage in relationships, and the latter feels much better.Octogalorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14052288318330285365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-70248156167955512142009-08-07T11:26:05.450-07:002009-08-07T11:26:05.450-07:00Octogalore: Patriarchy is here to stay. The best c...Octogalore: Patriarchy is here to stay. The best choice for the average woman is to select the highest quality mate she can find for companionship and family if she wants children. A woman should never fail to plan to be self-sufficient and the person's she with should know that if they step out of line she can and would leave. Otherwise the relationship is imbalanced and not in the favor of the woman.Faith at Acts of Faith Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150553143062604249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-48753248034225812082009-08-07T08:44:08.922-07:002009-08-07T08:44:08.922-07:00"Those women who get 1allowances' did not..."Those women who get 1allowances' did not select a quality mate."<br /><br />I agree with that. But in my experience whether the strings are loose or tight, they're usually there where there is a situation where the man is fully responsible for the revenue stream. I've seen strong, smart, perceptive women choose stable, loving men -- and then when the romance and initial glow of new love wore off, their economic vulnerability was held against them.<br /><br />I think the sucky, unfair part of it is that in our society, a good looking woman is viewed to grow less desirable and a man with money, as long as he keeps making, gets as or more desirable as his wallet grows. Even where there is more basis for the attraction, if these items are a big motivation going into it (which is true for many of Patti's couples), the woman has a distinct disadvantage as things move forward.Octogalorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14052288318330285365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-6269584210321006242009-08-07T06:24:18.224-07:002009-08-07T06:24:18.224-07:00thelady: Welcome and thanks for contributing. Now ...thelady: Welcome and thanks for contributing. Now you can explain to these other clueless women that you didn't like being objectified. Good for you to turn that jerk down. Clearly he offers no value and is violent.Faith at Acts of Faith Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150553143062604249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-32663736986583038682009-08-06T21:02:53.451-07:002009-08-06T21:02:53.451-07:00I went through a similar experience, not the milli...I went through a similar experience, not the millionaire part but I had a date with a guy that kept bringing up my looks. The first time it is a compliment but 5, 10, 15 times at one dinner is creepy. I declined the offer of a second date. Someone started playing on my phone late at night. A few months later I ran into him and didn't recognize him, he reacted very angrily and grabbed my arm.<br /><br />The over complimenting thing never did sit right with me but when I try to explain it to other women they don't get it.modest-goddesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02349577841986972240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-15353854253270531152009-08-05T14:32:01.003-07:002009-08-05T14:32:01.003-07:00Octogalore: Those women who get "allowances&q...Octogalore: Those women who get "allowances" did not select a quality mate. Those types of men who control the purse strings like that are not in a real romantic partnership but a lop-sided arrangement to their advantage. They're looking for a "trade" to the next shiny object. Yuk! I'm SF based but will likely be leaving CA until that economy stabilizes. Ah-nuld has gutted so many necessary programs from the state - partially do the economy but largely due to his total incompetence as Governor. It's going to take years to fix CA if it can.Faith at Acts of Faith Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150553143062604249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-252835005264481722009-08-04T21:45:08.176-07:002009-08-04T21:45:08.176-07:00"He'd married an 18 year old when he was ..."He'd married an 18 year old when he was in his 30's!"<br /><br />Wow. I can see 28 and 40-something (although that wouldn't be my choice), but with the "December" being 18, that's ripe for an office pool on how long it lasts.<br /><br />"it just proves that unless the woman really is just looking for a guy with money that she knows she'll have access to"<br /><br />But does she really know? I know women (like my senior partner's wife) who married for $ or gave up their own jobs to marry, and are kept on strict allowances, like children.<br /><br />"these men are looking to live out their sexual fantasies"<br /><br />Just shows how goofy those guys are. Most of us are more fun in the sack at 30 than 18. Unless the fantasy is specifically about being with a schoolgirl, in which case...<br /><br />"I bet you're glad you found a suitable mate."<br /><br />Yup.<br /><br />Ultimately, it reminds me of that joke, can't remember where I heard it, about the guy driving the flashy lamborghini and the woman saying "sorry about your penis." Identifying oneself as a millionaire for dating purposes seems a bit like that. Along those lines, my husband doesn't drive a lamborghini.<br /><br />Are you in LA as well?Octogalorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14052288318330285365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-69653094322442747422009-08-04T19:29:49.349-07:002009-08-04T19:29:49.349-07:00Octogalore: The length of your response is okay. Y...Octogalore: The length of your response is okay. Your insight here is very useful. I was also watching an episode that featured Dave Koz's brother who was short and divorced. He was in his 40's and had been married for less than 10 years. He'd married an 18 year old when he was in his 30's! They had 2 kids and he had to admit the age difference amongst other conflicts undid the marriage. EIGHTEEN!! I mean at least he married the woman but she was barely legal. He also ignored the advice given him and choice a woman who ended up being bored on the date. It was wonderful what he did (flew her to Tahoe, took her to see Dave) but it just proves that unless the woman really is just looking for a guy with money that she knows she'll have access to, she's looking for compatibility and these men are looking to live out their sexual fantasies. <br /><br />I bet you're glad you found a suitable mate.<br /><br />Khadija: Haha!!Faith at Acts of Faith Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150553143062604249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-69149626831694465412009-08-04T19:20:46.312-07:002009-08-04T19:20:46.312-07:00Faith,
Ewww.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.Faith,<br /><br />Ewww.<br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-2922226030671142722009-08-04T18:41:08.999-07:002009-08-04T18:41:08.999-07:00I'm in LA and briefly was part of a club simil...I'm in LA and briefly was part of a club similar to Patti's, but focused around group events. Well, briefly being one party -- it wasn't a fit for me. It was diverse racially, which was nice, but not at all in terms of age (the men) and looks (the women). At least the guys on Patti's show are sometimes cute (like Xander) usually not too far off in age from the women.<br /><br />It became clear, though, that it was softcore prostitution -- at least the party I was at. A more subtle, but evident, trade of looks for money. Which I have nothing against if everyone's happy, but typically a relationship that starts that way is premised on one partner with a diminishing asset and another one with one that's increasing in value. So if there isn't more glue, it doesn't stick.<br /><br />That's why I wonder if Violet should've been surprised that her looks, and the status derived from her skin color, drew the most attention from Xander. This kind of dating service is set up as a commodity trade... because the men have to be millionaires, they typically expect to get the corresponding (in our culture) female attribute in return: conventional good looks. <br /><br />Patti seems frustrated often with how many of the men want a 15+ year age gap, but many single LA millionaires have entitlement complexes. <br /><br />Oops -- sorry to go on and on. I was single in LA for four years before meeting my husband in 2000, so this rang some familiar bells.Octogalorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14052288318330285365noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-47624811747141716632009-08-04T18:00:48.131-07:002009-08-04T18:00:48.131-07:00Khadija: I hear you but I've watched a few of ...Khadija: I hear you but I've watched a few of these episodes and so many of these men are in their upper 40's are STILL chasing after 18-25 year olds. Even though they're given advice that if they want a lasting relationship they need to date women over 30 amongst other things - so many visibly blanch. <br /><br />It's ridiculous and the recurring theme. I'd say most of the men who are matched are still creeps on some level unless they change. It's not from enlightenment but their survival that they finally adapt. I paid more attention to this guy because he's black but so many of the clients are jerks. It's why they have to go to a professional service after years of failed or non-existent relationships. <br /><br />In one season I think less than a handful of these millionaires actually sustain relationships. This guy had an extra layer of crap due to his colorism but at least they aren't broke on top of it! When you think about how so many AA women settle for nothing at all: ex-cons, no place to live, no job. <br /><br />Of course I see these men as problematic on many levels. I think this show actually does a great service to women who can see past the glitter aspects they try to introduce as a distraction. These men have issues and a lot of the women seem to have much more character and are attractive on many levels. Yet they have to make a lot of effort to be appealing to a potential mate. I don't know if that's due to the wealth or due to being in LA.Faith at Acts of Faith Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150553143062604249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-63862021308418701542009-08-04T17:44:53.354-07:002009-08-04T17:44:53.354-07:00Faith,
You said, "Plus he has a three-year o...Faith,<br /><br />You said, <em>"Plus he has a three-year old daughter. He said he'd met the mother of his daughter "at Spring break". Now why a man in his 30's is picking up undergrads tells me a lot about his character, but he seems like one of the "nicer" clients. Compared to the men in their 40's who still only want to date 18-25 year olds this is mild."</em><br /><br />I disagree. Both categories of men are predatory, as far as I'm concerned. Age disparities don't matter as much when both partners are fully grown, fully functional adults. In other words, peers.<br /><br />But a <strong>35+ year-old</strong> man chasing after <em>college kids</em>? And chasing after the sort of college kids who are still running around at Spring Break? <br /><br />[What I recall is that by the time I and most of my friends had turned 21, we had all matured out of being particularly interested in excessive drinking, and the rest of that kind of stuff.]<br /><br />This guy sounds like an absolute creep across the board. Colorist AND looking for an immature girl-woman that he can run over.<br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-84956619275328574872009-08-04T11:06:33.617-07:002009-08-04T11:06:33.617-07:00FaithBlog: (I'm thinking of music artist Kelis...FaithBlog: (I'm thinking of music artist Kelis and how many of her male peers who made her the "exception" are trashing her now because of the terms of her divorce settlement with Nas is more than what they think she "deserves"!) <br /><br />I wish you would do a full story about this. I saw Redman and Methond Man go off during an interview when asked to comment about the settlement she got.(search youtube if you haven't seen it). Why all the name calling and contempt when they claimed they were speaking hypothetically. It seems that any black woman that demands accountability from a black man becomes viewed as an opressor. I guess anyone who demands accountability from a black man gets accused of it. I just wonder who created this mentality in many black men, and sadly I think black women play a major part in it.freethinkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18410007140395781085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-77045329288565119592009-08-04T10:10:11.754-07:002009-08-04T10:10:11.754-07:00ZionFulfilled: You changed your profile name. Oh y...ZionFulfilled: You changed your profile name. Oh yes we discuss all racism at this blog including the much more harmful black on black skin shade racism. One can speculate Xander is only acting as a progeny of a black man trying to escape it by marrying a white woman. They pass their disdain onto their children and so on and so on. Like I said Violet seems like a nice young woman so she wasn't going to tolerate being treated like a piece of meat. <br /><br />Nia: Yeah...it's interesting watching this show. The 2nd season there was a guy who didn't want to walk back to his house and peed behind bushes with the camera crew filming him! He also kept eating junk food and offering it to his date even after she'd refused. The money these men have (and some women) cannot replace common courtesy - or common sense!<br /><br />Aphrodite: Yeah it's interesting what a shift in perspective and clarity does for one's outlook.<br /><br />losangelista: Hey Liz! Yeah this guy needs a reality check. I'd be very curious to know IF he's even capable of actually LOVING a woman where it has more to do with her character or if his main impetus is skin shade.Faith at Acts of Faith Bloghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02150553143062604249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-74789862988872731202009-08-04T09:46:42.610-07:002009-08-04T09:46:42.610-07:00I remember this episode vividly and thought this d...I remember this episode vividly and thought this dude was SUCH a loser on ALL levels. I was surprised he didn't start telling Violet she was a pretty redbone or some other crass reference to her skin color. I feel sorry for his child and found myself hoping he didn't have custody.rLiz Dwyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17794296990587989214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-42182078007173781822009-08-04T08:06:21.542-07:002009-08-04T08:06:21.542-07:00I saw this episode when it aired and I was so happ...I saw this episode when it aired and I was so happy bc it confirmed that I was not insane.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-22024947142292242392009-08-04T07:52:58.957-07:002009-08-04T07:52:58.957-07:00Good for Violet!
He should have offered suggestion...Good for Violet!<br />He should have offered suggestions prior to them meeting about where he would like to take her for their first date and ALSO find out from Violet (via Patti) if there was anywhere SHE (Violet) would prefer to go for a first date.<br />The Hustler's Club? Spring Break? Ugh! The sad thing about it is that he would be considered by many to be "a catch".<br />And yes, a man who compliments a woman 15 times on her appearance is not genuinely interested in her as a person and is only interested in the superficial.Niahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14142930506490674435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6689654975245458947.post-46717196504566533492009-08-04T06:13:02.547-07:002009-08-04T06:13:02.547-07:00One thing I love about this blog is the way you ar...One thing I love about this blog is the way you are not afraid to address how colorism effects women of color. Colorism is more than bitter dark women who are jealous of lighter women. Colorism hurts everyone. This young woman recognized that she was being objectified even though she was on the receiving end of compliments, this time. I also applaud her for not being seduced by what Xander had. Too often, women of color (in spite of shade) end up being labeled as these hoochies who are only out for what a man can give them. Therefore, we still end up an object of hatred for black men (or in Xander's case bi-racial). I'll be interested in seeing the other comments for this entry.ZionFulfilledhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16883172018237876013noreply@blogger.com