I first saw the Free Your Mind dating event at CW's site and a few other bloggers have posted it. I thought I'd do my part in supporting positivity and taking concrete steps so I'm including it here. I am hereby officially requesting a San Francisco event (though with a 3% black population you simply MUST date interracially). Instead of some other foolishness that won't be mentioned again THIS is an organization that should be supported. Even the naysayers should be silent on this one. At least one of the moderators is a black guy and the event hosts have specified no negative discussions of black men. So the focus can be completely on black women meeting eligible (non-black) men and it won't have anything to do with abandonment or disappointment but about them expanding their options for finding mates. Now of course one must use caution and cunning in evaluating any man for caliber and character but this could be start of something wonderful for many people. My only advice is that they may need to add security as these events grow more popular for I have NO DOUBT that they will. Let's send good vibes for women taking dating risks and finding love - and hopefully marriage. Which is the established social norm for a majority of women around the world. Others may want to use this model to host events for LGBTs of color.
22 comments:
I want these type of events to go viral...In addition, the reader can forward this to anyone relevant (or may know of someone who should go)...This is very promising and brings me joy! : )
Darn! Wish I could be there! This looks like it'll be a great discussion and event. My mouth kind of dropped open at the statistic...1,779,570 black women will not find a black mate...like, tear in my eye!
I wish "Free Your Mind" success!
CW: Yes I want this to be a success especially for the resistant African-American woman still concerned about what others think or asking whether a white man's interest is based on a fetish, lol!
Sassy J: You know I'm not really sure where they got their numbers from but that 1.7 million is WAY OFF. If there are at least 40 million blacks but we outnumber the men 2-1 or 3-1 per some stats AND you eliminate all the no value & DBR men that brings that number up much HIGHER. They were calculating strictly by population not character or marriage eligibility or whether these men even want black women (which we KNOW they have their "preferences" which eliminates MOST of the eligible quality AA women). 70%+ black women are not married. Only 30% of blacks marry each other period. They need to get real, but the woman creating this event is still intent on protecting some of the black men in her family. Which I have mixed feelings about them not being willing to tell the WHOLE TRUTH about this situation and how black women need to be armed with knowledge, but it's a start.
Hi Faith,
So glad you posted this announcement. I've been seeing it on other blogs too, which I think is wonderful. This a new day for AA women! They are finally seizing control of the paths of their lives. I agree with you that there should be no naysayers. AA men who don't necessarily agree with some of the "preferences" of other AA men remain silent, because secretly they know it keeps their options open in case they decide they might want a non-black woman some day. Conversely, AA women who are already married to AA men, or who don't approve for whatever reason, should be careful to keep their mouths shut on this, it keeps their options open. I agree with you, this is going to go big. So,I think in the future the planners of this event should make sure the event isn't crashed by dbr's making like they want black women, and white women saying their rights are somehow being violated, as they see themselves toppling from the pedestal. I wish this event all the support and good success it deserves.
Best,
Celeste
Faith, I chatted with one of the sponsors of this event yesterday, and she said that SOME black women are COMPLAINING that $20 is too much to pay for this event. I was like "WTH"? She said they actually want it to be FREE. SMH
This is that "entitlement" attitude that I spoke about over at Khadija's. Some say this is an offshoot of the welfare mentality. All I know is that it's really WAY past ridiculous. Yet, many of these same women say they want to meet and mate with upscale, Quality men???? PLEASE! This type of "entitlement" attitude would be a major turn off to that type of man.
Intelligent people understand that ***timely information*** is worth its weight in gold.
This sponsor explained that there are lots of expenses connected with this type of event. This is a high quality event with a variety of speakers who will provide potentially life-altering info and there'll be opportunities to mix and mingle, yet these women complain about a measly $20. We know that plenty of these women would go and plunk down $20 for a bucket of UNHEALTHY KFC that will go in one hole in their body and out the other. Lots of them pay more than that to get their nails done!! Yet, they gripe about $20 for useful/valuable information. And if they don't think it's valuable or at least useful to them, then why are they trying to get it????
Faith, and all of the rest of y'all reading this: there's a LOT of EDUCATION that AA women need if they're going to be lifted to where we want them to be. If we neglect this critical education piece, all of the rest that we're trying for is going to just be pure magical thinking on our parts. This type of thinking reflects a "bottom-feeding mentality."
Lesson #1--There are NO FREE LUNCHES. All lunches MUST be paid for by somebody, and if you're a responsible ADULT, you must be willing to PAY your share for what you need/want. If you don't need/want the item, then LEAVE and stop expecting other people to carry you--for FREE.
Celeste: For those women who are ready this is a great opportunity to take.
Evia: Yikes!! How is someone with a job living in LA of all places going to complain about paying $20 for anything? I think some screening of participants may be in order. I've been watching reruns of the Millionaire Matchmaker show on Bravo and I have to hand it to the woman who owns the service. She's very particular about which women get selected to be paired with the men (and vice versa) AND she also has rules for the millionaires. She's promoting MARRIAGE and has a high success rate for those that listen to her advice.
Celeste: I just had to add something. Let the white women have their pedestal. We can have OUR OWN. This has NOTHING to do with them. I used to get upset about the unfairness and inequalities surrounding that as well but at its core it was about black women not getting their due. We have other ways that are more positive and permanent for our own elevation and don't even need to be thinking about any other groups of women be they white, Asian, Latino, biracial, whatever.
Faith- I peeped that too, the number seeming really off. I knew that it couldn't account for *strictly heterosexual and/or black-black* relationships. Still huge!
You said: They need to get real, but the woman creating this event is still intent on protecting some of the black men in her family. Which I have mixed feelings about them not being willing to tell the WHOLE TRUTH about this situation and how black women need.
I admit that I don't know much about the founder of the event nor her intent to "protect some of the black men in her family". I will be looking into the websites of the sponsors for the FYM event; maybe learn something new!
Well I am a black woman engaged to a black man, but I will speak up anyway and say: "DO YOUR THING, Y'ALL"!!!
Take your destiny in your own hands and fly toward what you want and deserve. Never mind those who want the event to be free -- they will self-select themselves out of your presence (hopefully).
Please be sure to videotape the event. Also, I'd be willing to donate toward something like this (hint hint)
I also callled the event organizer about the Atlanta seminar. I am going if she makes it to Atlanta. I have a feeling that it willbe very challeging for her on the ground events. Some of these bw will go just to criticize the whole event. We have a lot of hater out here. Also the cost is now 10.00 due to a new sponsor! So now what is 10.00 too much for valuable information. If so then these women deserve to be single and miserable.
Faith, you are absolutely right. We (I) need to keep focus on our own elevation, and give no thought to the other groups. And Evia, I can't believe there are complaints about the price! Actually, I thought it was way too low, but I thought, well, I guess they're trying to keep it reasonable for a greater number of women. But this is worth it's weight in gold. You're right, it's going to take a lot of education.
You know I'm not really sure where they got their numbers from but that 1.7 million is WAY OFF. If there are at least 40 million blacks but we outnumber the men 2-1 or 3-1 per some stats AND you eliminate all the no value & DBR men that brings that number up much HIGHER. They were calculating strictly by population not character or marriage eligibility or whether these men even want black women (which we KNOW they have their "preferences" which eliminates MOST of the eligible quality AA women).
Faith, I AGREE that they may be low-balling the numbers, but I believe it's because they KNOW that if they told the WHOLE truth, it would trigger a stampede of AA women rushing to the nearest pity party for the "vanishing" AA men.
Let's be real. Lots of AA women are still giving only lipservice to the idea or actuality of being "aware" of how AA girls and women are being preyed on and picked off, or of truly divesting and therefore many bw are still on the fence. Plenty of them are just a hair away from a mad rush to the bm's pity party. Lots of them are still constantly searching for reasons to give AA males/men a pass and to blame 'de evil wm' for EVERYTHING regarding AA men--AS IF AA men have NO free will of their own.
So I think it's better for them to lowball the numbers for that reason and not even talk about bm at all or as little as possible.
Shecodes: Congrats on your engagement!!
Sistrunkqueen: $10 is really inexpensive. That's the cost of a drink in many cities.
Celeste: We still have a ways to go....
"Faith, I chatted with one of the sponsors of this event yesterday, and she said that SOME black women are COMPLAINING that $20 is too much to pay for this event. I was like "WTH"? She said they actually want it to be FREE. SMH"
Wow that is kind of triffling. It would be funny if it wasn't sad. I would be embarrassed to ask someone for a scholarship or reduced price for something that cost 20-25 dollars. I think 25.00 is cheap considering how many panelists there are.
Seminars can be extremely expensive. Usually all of the speakers get a cut, plus overhead so if they are only charging 20.00 then they pretty much are doing this for free.
Evia said: Faith, I chatted with one of the sponsors of this event yesterday, and she said that SOME black women are COMPLAINING that $20 is too much to pay for this event. I was like "WTH"? She said they actually want it to be FREE. SMH
This is that "entitlement" Faith, Evia: I chatted with one of the sponsors of this event yesterday, and she said that SOME black women are COMPLAINING that $20 is too much to pay for this event. I was like "WTH"? She said they actually want it to be FREE. SMH
attitude that I spoke about over at Khadija's. Some say this is an offshoot of the welfare mentality. All I know is that it's really WAY past ridiculous. Yet, many of these same women say they want to meet and mate with upscale, Quality men???? PLEASE! This type of "entitlement" attitude would be a major turn off to that type of man.
WTF?! This is LA, everything is expensive! Are these women kidding me? Where the heck do they socialize at? Some ghetto establishment? (yeah I went there). Every time I go to quality establishments I spend at LEAST 50 bucks. 20 bucks is dirt cheap for such an awesome event. These women should be grateful that sponsors and participants (who probably don't need ANY help getting dates) are using their time and resources to throw such an event to help OTHER BLACK WOMEN. I’m attending the event to show my support. Usually events of this caliber usually cost at least 50 bucks. I went to a speed dating event with some girl friends for fun, the price was $75 but the event included wine and a variety of Hors d'œuvres. Also the quality of people was impressive. I’m still in contact with some of the guys I met at the speed dating event. If anything next time the sponsors should raise the cost (SERIOUSLY). Price often times eliminates a certain undesirable element out of the equation. The women who want to learn and elevate their lives will spend the money. Otherwise will complain and be stuck in their stink hole.
This was my experience when trying to do "Meetups" in my local area...Perhaps Sistrunkqueen & Pinky could piggy-back off of this as well...I would call a restaurant ahead and reserve a spot...There would be a cover charge of usually $15-$20 based on the venue...This would cover table reservation/refreshments/tipping wait staff...Well, it was like the 'Inquisition' explaining to these ladies that certain expenses need to be covered...We can't go up in these places "low-class" and expect good service and to be invited back...I ceased trying due to childish mentalities and low participation...No one is gonna drag one to the trough and force them to drink! I PRAY that it is a different story with the "Free Your Mind" Conference...
BW who are on the fence: Take the lifeline...It may not be offered tomorrow!
Evia said...
...."Faith, I chatted with one of the sponsors of this event yesterday, and she said that SOME black women are COMPLAINING that $20 is too much to pay for this event. I was like "WTH"? She said they actually want it to be FREE. SMH"......
Faith, you don't have to post this especially if I have it in the wrong post, but I'm watching Jungle Fever and the scene with the sistas "venting" is on. It hit me that this is what many of the conversations have been about lately, in regards to BW and BM/OtherM relationships. It's not bring it full-circle...but maybe it is, I don't know...
Thanks
I agree with Muse, the price should be no less than $30 so that time wasters are weeded out.
I pray there will be no disrupters but at such a low price, i think there is the likelihood of this happening.
You must always add value to your work/product by setting it apart and the most effective way is to price it right. if you dont, you run the risk of devaluing it to the point no one even comes with the right attitude (which will be necessary to get something from the session).
buyer psychology is a fascinating thing, sometimes pitching yourself so low in a bid to 'help' sets up a situation where you are not allowed to do just that.
CW said:
This was my experience when trying to do "Meetups" in my local area...Perhaps Sistrunkqueen & Pinky could piggy-back off of this as well...
My reply:
CW, yes..I had a similar experience to yours when I attempted to host meetups in my area. There would be MANY non-black men (mostly East Indian and WM) who responded to the meetups..but the BW would either complain about the cost to attend or interrogate and then complain about the type of men who attended. I was mortified when one such BW came to the first lunch meetup I hosted and looked at the men there and said "is this it?" (apparently she was expecting Gerard Butler look-alikes) - SMH
For the Free Your Mind event, I'm sending good thoughts and prayers that it will be a success. :-)
Evia: If the 80% OOW birth rate/70% unmarried rate hasn't clued these women in what will? I am laughing at the idea of a stampede of black women busting down doors...but instead of them running to find these non-existent black men it would be best if it was through the doors to a new fulfilled life.
Aphrodite: A cheap event will bring out cheap people. It should be $75. You know some events don't charge the women (but screen them vigorously) only the men.
Muse: Trying to help people out often doesn't yield ANY gratitude but more complaining. I can just see some women not liking the decor or not wanting to drive somewhere or not wanting to pay for parking. If you;re gonna have a funky attitude you can find any reason to justify it.
CW: $20 will barely cover a movie for 2 with no snacks. My 21 year old sister drops $60 for an evening out regularly (which I chide her for not saving money but she wants to par-tay).
Sassy J: I remember than scene. Sigh. The irony of course is how the wife is in fact half white/white skinned and she STILL has to compete for her husband's affection. Spike Lee's pathology is ALL over that scene including his lust for Italian women, his dating almost exclusively light-skinned/biracial black women and his inherent misogyny. And somebody wants to complain about paying $10! I keep saying $20 but the price actually dropped to $10. That's cheap parking in LA.
Halima: Your points on buyer's psychology is spot on.
Miss Pinky: Welcome and thanks for your thoughts. I enjoy reading your blog. Gerard Butler looked soooo hot in 300!! And Phantom of the Opera. I'm looking forward to the day when an attractive but "regular looking" black woman marries one of these white male hearthrob high profile movie stars AND everybody KNOWS IT!!!
I see that many AA women are clinging to one of our people's dysfunctional, unspoken "traditions": We like to "buy what we want; and beg for what we need."
They should raise the price to at least $50. That alone would help weed out many of the scornful, potentially-disruptive fools.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadija: Yes anywhere upwards of $50 will eliminate a lot of fence-sitters and complainers. Maybe they could throw in one beverage gratis with some finger food.
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