Friday, December 19, 2008
Tyra Show On Picking A Good Man - Oh Boy!
Wednesday's episode of the Tyra Show asked if women have good dating instincts. There was a panel of eight women who were split into groups and sent on speed dating sessions. They had a variety of men to choose from and would come back to discuss the dates. The men were categorized as "good" or "bad" guys and the women had to evaluate who fit into what category. The producers chose some rather clueless women so we could feel better about ourselves! It became the running joke that these women had no set standards going into the dates. That is where they and the audience could have been educated.
Tyra had two experts offer post-date evaluations. One was male relationship advice author Finesse Mitchell while the other, FBI agent Barbara Roberts offered tips on reading body language and facial expressions. She warned if you feel the instinct to pull back when you're in the company of a man to trust it.
The first group of three women chose one particular guy. He was very attractive I admit - and it was the first thing they all gave as the reason for choosing him. One of the women was practically swooning over his blue eyes as she talked about him. They had already made an emotional investment in a complete stranger. So when Tyra brought the man out he revealed that he was gay - all three women nearly fell off their chairs.
Sorry, but I saw that one a mile away. He mentioned he was really into musical theatre - and I immediately thought, next! Yeah I know musical theatre shouldn't automatically disqualify a man, but come on. I once outed a male friend who hadn't revealed his identity to me yet based on his love of the Pet Shop Boys. Why? I don't know one straight man that knows the lyrics and song titles of PSB songs. I have been swayed by a pretty face and a smile before though so it's not uncommon.
The next group of two chose a guy who dished out lots and lots of compliments, kissed their hands in greeting and declared his love of women. Sounds good, right? He said he was a big romantic and enjoyed cooking for a woman. He then revealed himself as a womanizer with three phones to keep track of all the women he was dating. He was trying his best to be the Casanova of 2009!
The last group chose another guy based on his physicality because he was 'big and strong'. One woman declared he was the kind of man she'd take home (to meet mom). Now I can understand our primal nature wanting a protector, but he has to be a man who understands that role. He was evasive about wanting to be in a serious relationship when he replied "if that's what the woman wanted" so he wasn't a good choice either. I also thought if they peeled back a layer or two he'd be one of those men that grew up without a father. The first womanizer guy was a lot more slick about it, while this guy was emotionally distant.
This is where the FBI agent's advice really helped. She pointed out the men were either avoiding eye contact, had their arms folded across their chests, touched their chins, or closed their hands as examples of lying. She discussed how to better read men and certain facial expressions. She mentioned that specific features are positive indicators like a square forehead, big ears (good listener), radiance from the eyes, overall body language, large mouth (affectionate and generous), rounded chin (love of animals) and ears coming forward. She used examples of famous men with photos in offering her evaluations. Our facial combination: the features we're born with, how we like to look (hairstyles, makeup) and any potential accident/surgeries are strong personality indicators.
I would like for the show to spend time on getting advice from men of various ages who are in healthy relationships. They can offer real life instruction of how to evaluate men. Of course there are internal factors and lifestyles of individuals as well. The show wrapped up with the one woman whom Tyra said chose a good guy - though the established criteria for determining that was never revealed.
The final three men were solid career professionals, but I noticed they didn't have the swagger of the other men. That's part of the problem. The bad boys know how to be manipulative and push boundaries in a way that's exciting but ultimately harmful. They are usually very confident. The guy chosen was very excited and declared how lucky he was because she was so beautiful. That was sweet, but they do have to get to know each other! I felt kinda bad for the last two who didn't get picked because they looked embarrassed. I actually thought this was a very informative show and a great beginning.