Consider This the Black Woman's Version of ACT UP!

A Beautiful Birth To A New Mindset

For all of those that can't withstand the mere mention of the dysfunction in SOME black men without losing it you might want to change the channel. There is no way of sweetening the bitterness so that SOME of you may deign to read and comprehend. I can't recork the bottle. My experiences are not yours and we don't all share the same perspectives. So proceed with caution and take deep breaths. If ALL of your experiences have been straight out of a Disney film enjoy your memories because that is truly wonderful. This isn't a movie and we have to do a cold-hard assessment of what it's like for the collective not a few individuals. So proceed....

Someone asked me if I really believed that the majority of black men despise black women. After my awakening outside the Matrix last week I would say absolutely. I'm not going by my feelings. There was no break-up and nobody "done me wrong". I had a conversation with some men and gave them every opportunity to be gracious. Their contempt floored me and it wasn't even about me. I realized that contempt went from Michelle Obama to Serena Williams to you and me. Educated men who are not criminals, unemployed, or multiple baby-daddies. You know the ones we'd think were "normal". So it got me thinking. If this is what you consider NORMAL behavior then you've been devalued for far too long and have lost all discernment.

• Abandoning a woman and the child you've created is a sign of contempt.
• Denying your child and not providing (well) for him/her because you don't like the mother. (The Kelis/Nas divorce will show this. Will she now become a "chickenhead" to justify the deplorable behavior of the black male rap artist "God"?)
• Killing the child from another woman's previous relationship.
• Promoting lighter skin as your preference is skin shade racism. Black on black racism. Whatever you don't prefer you place little value in.
• These numerous (educated, non criminal) men who ecstatically dissect the body Serena Williams in the most condescending manner imaginable, write articles referring to Michelle Obama as a "ghetto girl" and other public attacks on black women.
• These men that complain about black women for every little thing we do or don't do.
• These men that refer to us as Pedestal Pattys for daring to go on a date w/o offering sex afterwards. The entire purpose of dating is to find out if you are compatible for marriage. At least that's what the purpose of dating is supposed to be. It's not how little money you can spend before suggesting we do the mattress mambo or claiming to be "nice".
• Not being able to walk down the street without some guy trying to "holla" at you. It is in fact worse. Women have been shot and killed over not handing over a phone number or agreeing to go out with these DBRs. It is street harassment, & physical intimidation.
• The 50% rape and molestation rate for black girls living in the "black community".
• The complete SILENCE from the"good" men who see all of this happening and DO NOTHING to stop it. With the public Letterman smack-down over the Palin "joke" we see how white men DO step in when necessary to police the men in their group.

Nowadays some pretty warped thinking has people doing everything out of order is the correct way to live. People who know better have remained SILENT. No more!!

If this wasn't about black men would you feel free to find any of this deplorable?

As I've already shown in this post on a blogger who recognizes DBR behavior, you can read the thoughts and words of a white man who wasn't afraid to state the obvious. They consider the bulk of the white women who get involved with black men to be low class. They very plainly see the mass dysfunction in the "black community" but aren't saying anything. Anytime it has potential to spill over into their residential areas or disrupt their daily lives they IMMEDIATELY step in to put a stop to it. 

Exhibit A. Post-Katrina armed guards stop survivors from entering their less damaged areas

Exhibit B. PA Private Club bans Creative Steps students

Too many blacks are decrying the racism instead of putting two and two together. When you let gangsta rap take over with their talk of shooting the police, drugs, alcoholism, violence and a death wish you put them on alert (even as the white male executives who actively promoted that garbage made billions for their companies). When you let people go on Jerry Springer and Maury to display the results of their out of control sexual escapades and proof of irresponsibility, people took notice. When BET decided they were going to show blacks at their absolute worse and blacks ate it up, people took notice. Even now this latest reality show about the drug addict mother and sister of an R&B singer is being watched. When the liberal use of the N-Word is condoned and by a man who's a college professor (and infotainment hustler) and he was NOT SHUT DOWN, people took notice.

That would be all the other racial/ethnic groups. The average African-American? Not so much. People complained but they didn't do anything to stop it. 

Has it occurred to anyone there's a reason why certain blacks are getting unfettered air time because they're reinforcing this dysfunction. It not only upholds white supremacy but it prepares others to write off ALL blacks.

Let's talk about the way black women interact with each other. Since so many are still living the "black community" lie they're usually competing with each over some variation of a DBR. They rush to buy relationship books from black men, even men who've been married three times and cheated on his last wife with his current one. They defer to these men and are male-identified. They'll forgive a man for anything short of rape or murder (and sometimes that too) but will cross another black woman off their list for good for any little slight or for having a difference of opinion. They often berate their female children and are extra harsh on them. They don't warn them of the dangers of their environments or prepare them. They often regard each other with suspicion or are generally dismissive and competitive in other situations not involving men for NO REASON. They often adopt the same DBR behaviors but only when dealing with other.

I have to admit I was prepared to take the hits from black men who don't want the DBR behavior evaluated and the women who rush to their defense. I see it all the time. Any mere mention that black man isn't perfect is seen as a challenge. I am an advocate for black women and girls after all. What I didn't expect was the vitriol I'd get from some of those women for talking about why the OOW birth rate is literally killing them and their children. We don't want to continue sending the message that's it's a day at the park when we know that's a lie.

ACT UP! was founded in 1987 by a few radical LGBTs and supporters who decided that the death and poor quality of life for their group was UNACCEPTABLE. They insisted that individual people change their behavior. Yes they had their choices dissected. Yes they were told they couldn't just do whatever they wanted. They had to take precautions. They had to THINK. No it wouldn't do anything for some people but it would prevent a similar unpleasant set of circumstances for others. That's the point. Save the group. By any means necessary. It was also why the shift occurred to promote stable relationships and marriage. This is how the rest of society operates and they could not continue to act in opposition of it. So if that means women don't have sex until well past 21, so be it. If that means leaving behind your biological family for a family you create of like-minded people, so be it. If that means taking the slings and arrows for daring to mention that raising a child by yourself is not a good idea then so be it. 

This isn't about telling someone they have to be anything....except SMART. Wise in their decisions. Once you bring another life into this world it isn't about you anymore. It's about the quality of life for that child. I see far too many people struggling under the burden of not having enough. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough sleep, not enough help. We can't talk about the DBR black men and not think about the origins of their lives. They were once children. Innocent. They were usually abandoned or not raised in the most condusive environments. Yes someone may have tried their best as well but we see the results don't we? After a certain age it's simply too late. So if we're gong to warn women to stay away from them why can't we talk about how they came to be? It's a vicious cycle. It's too late for many many people. Again, this isn't about you. 

This is like throwing a rock at a tidal wave. This is a last ditch effort to see who can be saved. We're never going back to the economic highs of the 1990's. The entire financial system was propped up on lies. Unless you have at least $1M in assets and can liquidate it, who's really safe? We're all trying to live, so why not live as well as we can? Multiple streams of income are necessary. Children require a lot of time and expense. They are an investment. Some people don't put any thought into the type of life they are able to provide them. People have pets they treat better. In fact a lot of people have pets but never take them to the vet or the groomer or to obedience school. They just do whatever they feel like, feeding the pet whatever they think will fill their bellies with little nutrition in mind. Some people treat their children with the same careless attitude. 

This is radical talk to not only suggest but TELL black women to get out of the "black community" mentality. It's a death trap of poor residential neighborhoods were crimes against humanity are happening EVERY DAY. You don't know this because you may not live there and it's not being reported on the news. It's a death trap of out of order thinking where the dysfunctional has become the norm. It's a death trap when people will fight you to take away their poison. No other group categorized by the CDC is suffering the way black girls and women are. The CDC - which stands for Center for Disease Control by the way - is tracking our demise. Think about that. They have it all plainly listed on spreadsheets. 

If this was happening to white women other whites would have stepped in and called attention to it. If the OOW birth rate keeps increasing for them they may. Of course those women are thought to be part of the lower classes and sexing black men so they may be left to their own devices as well. 

For all of you who want to stay in your "Cone of Silence" and in the "Land of Denial" go ahead. YOUR experiences may be different. That's not what's the typical for most black girls. This isn't about you, it's for THEM. We have a small window of opportunity to get a message out and I don't have time to argue semantics, degrees of oppression, why properly crediting African American heritage is correct (since it usually involves a self-sacrificing WOMAN) and other points of contention someone wants to come up with.

Are you really in support of black women and girls (with all the necessary accountability) or are you more invested in being "right" and holding on to your totems?

If the Only Victims Are Male & The Only Oppressors White, Where Does That Leave Black Women?

I know this post is sure to kick up the Black Male Protection Reflex in many people. So my advice is to take a Valium and go sit in the corner. The reason why all of this accountability talk is so threatening is because no one has been held accountable. Generations are simply repeating what their elders did - or worse going backwards. Although there were significant social gains reaped in the '60's it has all but been completely squandered. 

Of course there's another component to this argument that is also rarely discussed. We are of course referring to HETERO black males in these narratives. The same DBR behaviors exhibited by some men and used against black women will also be expressed toward others based on their orientation or gender identity. Also the women clinging to their church totems, who may be never-married single mothers and are in misery sometimes focus too much on what some "phantom" gay person is doing because it provides a (temporary) release for them. Many of these blacks who are opposed to gay marriage for "religious" reasons don't even get married themselves! Not with a 30% marriage rate amongst blacks, an 80% OOW birth rate, a 70% unmarried status for black women and an HIV rate that's the number #1 killer of black women 25-34. 

Every week since the aftermath of my conversation with DBR Middle Class educated black males who reveled in bashing Serena Williams and bristled at my critiques I realize more and more men belong on the other side of that line. How are we supposed to distinguish who's safe and who's wearing a mask in disguise? Is it based on musical tastes or income to debt ratio or religious practice? Surprisingly it doesn't take much to get them to reveal themselves but clearly they feel they can move without impunity. We can use that to our advantage on one hand but what of those that still consider themselves "decent"? No one ever admits to engaging in damaged beyond recognition behaviors! Others silently support them because they still get to benefit from it indirectly. Those who push a limited view of blackness (i.e. anti-intellectualism or gross materialism) also continue to be a disservice. We can't let ourselves get tripped up in the process.

When we discuss divesting and leaving this mentality behind what will it be replaced with? We need to be thinking about that. Of course leaving the unsafe physical areas and modifying certain situations immediately is key here. We see there is no mass push at defending black girls and women. Any mention of this is met with complete silence. The latest reinforcement of this indoctrination is in the typical reaction from many blacks in defending the actions of Henry Louis Gates against the police. Even the President supported him. 

Although I agree there's a history of aggression and misuse of law enforcement, I don't think Gates was without some responsibility for adding fuel to the fire. Now that the person who initially called the police has been revealed to have not been a neighbor at all and to have grossly exaggerated (ok she lied) about the "suspicious activity" the rush to throw this on the altar of great white oppression kicked into high alert. 

The problem I have is the lack of racial or ethnic pride on the part of Gates to excuse this instigator completely and only focus on the white male officer's actions. So he defers to a white woman, Lucia Whalen discussing how he understood her concern and he's send her flowers while complaining about ill treatment for being a "black male in America" by the white cop. He also ignored the black cop on the scene because that didn't fit into his narrative of "victim". I somehow doubt he would have been so concilliatory had Lucia been  a black woman.  

The "black community" indoctrination of dysfunction is so insidious, so pervasive I want to wash my hands of many people completely just to keep some order. Perhaps this is because I'm still working on my life outside the Matrix (of Abnormal Values) but I can't help but feel a little out of sorts from time to time. Actually I'm not exactly thrilled carrying around this knowledge. Membership has its responsibilities. Realizing you're one of the sane in an insane asylum of confusion and distorted thinking makes me want to go live on an island by myself. This is where finding a small group of like-minded individuals is absolutely necessary. It's a lifeline that we'll need. 

In the meantime black girls are still being attacked and are defenseless against the onslaught of criminal activity and apathy. Thanks to the glorification of that lifestyle blacks don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to complaining about police malfeasance but they don't get that. I've been reading a lot of other blogs whose readership is either predominantly white or law enforcement oriented and it's been a real eye-opener. The general consensus is that President Obama should not have criticized the police and that Gates exaggerated his unpleasant encounter. Oh - and these white people do not care to hear any complaining about racism because there's a black man in the White House. 

So the majority of blacks are shooting themselves in the foot by not addressing these internal pathologies and consequences. The symbolic payoff comes attached with many strings. Sadly I don't think the correct analysis is coming. What is somewhat surprising to me is the intelligentsia and elite classes seem to be just as clueless. Aren't they supposed to be "better, harder, faster, stronger" and know more than the rest of us "peons"? When I was willing to discuss DBR behavior in black men I got a lot of grief. When I sought to bring it full circle by addressing the choices some black women are making I got grief. I can't win for trying. If people have their heads stuck in the sand, what type of generational, mental, financial or quality of life growth can reasonably be expected?

The misogyny and homophobia prevalent in the black community has me on pause. It's not that other groups don't have similar issues but they also have safeguards in place to ensure their growth and/or continued domination. Blacks collectively have nothing in place but discussing the evils of white racism as it pertains to black males. If people are not fighting discrimination across the board then blacks will not progress any more than where things stand now. To suggest moving away from the knee-jerk responses followed by no strategic choices is looked at as a form of heresy. It's met with complete resistance. If it's not those engaged in DBR behavior, then it's those who are in denial it exists, that it's as wide-spread as it is or those focused on protecting the guilty. They are no use to me - or you once you leave. If you ever do.....

National Brainwashing Plan To Condone the DBRs: Raising Him Alone

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

How many times can I type this? Can I PLEASE be able to go back to writing posts about Obama's trip to Africa or the latest antics of Rush Limbaugh? Lord, talking about that spiteful drug-addict would be a relief right now. Oh no. Foolish, indoctrinated, no common sense-having black people take precedence right now. Sorry I am black but I won't claim them. It's not that I think I'm better it's that I see this as a problem...and they don't. People who are NOT like-minded enough have CAN HAVE NO REAL TIES.  Their purpose will lie in getting their point of view across above working together. Everyone cannot and should not think alike, but there has to be a core standard that is understood. 

A fundamental fact of Negro American family life is the often reversed roles of husband and wife. 

Dorothy Height: "If the Negro woman has a major underlying concern, it is the status of the Negro man and his position in the community and his need for feeling himself an important person, free and able to make his contribution in the whole society in order that he may strengthen his home."

Negro children without fathers flounder -- and fail. Moynihan Report 

RAISING HIM ALONE

Raising Him Alone (RHA) is dedicated to researching, designing, and implementing a campaign to support the social well being of single mothers raising boys. Through a series of intense community forums, workshops and support group initiatives, RHA seeks to increase access to resources in health & well being, Educational Support & Advocacy, as well as in Financial Literacy.  via web site

To use a very popular social media term: BIG FAIL!! They should call themselves, "After You've Hooked Up With A DBR You'll Be Raising Him Alone If You Listen To Us". So DON'T LISTEN!

Since when do you start an organization that tries to address fatherlessness by focusing on the mothers? Why not have a NATIONAL CAMPAIGN FOR DEAD-BEAT or INADEQUATE FATHERS? Why not call it LET'S HELP OUR WOMEN - BY GETTING THE MEN TO FULFILL THEIR DUTIES? Why focus on the women who've been abandoned instead of getting the men back? Do they already know the men aren't going to be held accountable or are of such low-quality that they won't even TRY? If the core problem is male inadequacy there is NOTHING a woman can do to resolve that! He has to fix that himself. 

This organization is the brainchild of two men, so why aren't they speaking to other men? I'm all for helping mothers - please do - but it isn't even called that. It's called Raising Him Alone. It's absolutely degrading to women - don't they see this? Forget about the daughters who are fatherless. They're being set up to bear the brunt of whatever burden befalls them because all the attention and focus will be given to the male child. If the male needs "rescuing" where does that leave the female child? An orphan. A Cinder Girl. It's racialized sexism personified. The imbalance of catering to the needs of the male will only reinforce gender discrimination. The male gets the "love" and the daughter gets what exactly? It reminds me of that expression that I realize indicates the disease: love your sons, but raise your daughters. Apparently girls can figure it out on their own - except when they're blamed as adults for making poor choices in men. Yeah right!

• Women can NOT successfully raise male children to be men without a MAN present.
  
• Women can NOT successfully raise female children without an adequate male role model.

*By the way this isn't a dig at LGBT parents. I am mostly focusing on hetero parents but I'd still say both sets of genders are best served by having great sets of both genders as role models. 

This is what creates DBRs. Then the cycle repeats. It stands for Damaged Beyond Recognition. TM Evia's blog. Which is a person, usually a male who brings new meaning to word dysfunctional and takes out his inferiority complex and pain on unsuspecting (usually black) women. So a DBR isn't always racially or gender based. It's about the behavior, but the behavior tends to be displayed mostly by black males - because of all of the above.  

They're not even trying to have a campaign that promotes marriage, opening up the social circles for these women to meet non-black men, tools for attracting quality men, or other survival skills. It's a war out there for many of these women (think Dunbar Village, Hovey Street murders, even Jennifer Hudson's family). Don't "prepare" them to be alone. Being alone means they have no protection from predators. What about the quality of life for the CHILD that's left behind? What about their needs? What are they going to do,  tell the kid to just suck it up?

This is a political issue by the way, but when Obama dared to open his mouth about this black people stuck out their lip complaining that he was airing "dirty laundry", how they didn't like the "tone" and that he was doing it to impress whites that he could be "tough on blacks".

Well when you're wearing your dirty underwear outside your clothes ANYBODY can see it.

Children raised by never-married mothers are seven times more likely to be poor when compared to children raised in intact married families. Heritage.org

• Public assistance doesn't prevent a child from slipping into poverty.
  
• There are no shotgun weddings anymore because no one's looking out for the women.
  
• Two incomes are still better than one. Even if it's large. Jobs can be lost.
  
• Celebrities are not role models. Let's not model ourselves after them.
  
• This isn't about white people or what they think or being compared to them.

If mom is at work and dad is not much more than a sperm donor who takes care of the child? Or even if he's a dad, he's a telephone dad, an every other weekend dad - you can't raise a child over the telephone. 

There was a time I really hated the Moynihan Report because I thought it was misogynistic and judgmental. 

Now that the OOW (out of wedlock) birth rate was estimated to be 72% for 2007 by the CDC with a prior 5% growth rate every year between 2002-2007 where they listed the OOW rate at 70% for 2006, that would put the current rate around 80% for 2009. The official report won't be released until 2011 for data collected between 2006-2010. Anybody who wants to argue semantics is free to dispute my calculations, but even 72% is TOO HIGH!

It was at 35% in 1965 when Moynihan also wrote:

In this new period the expectations of the Negro Americans will go beyond civil rights. Being Americans, they will now expect that in the near future equal opportunities for them as a group will produce roughly equal results, as compared with other groups. This is not going to happen. Nor will it happen for generations to come unless a new and special effort is made.

There are two reasons. First, the racist virus in the American blood stream still afflicts us: Negroes will encounter serious personal prejudice for at least another generation. Second, three centuries of sometimes unimaginable mistreatment have taken their toll on the Negro people. The harsh fact is that as a group, at the present time, in terms of ability to win out in the competitions of American life, they are not equal to most of those groups with which they will be competing. Individually, Negro Americans reach the highest peaks of achievement. But collectively, in the spectrum of American ethnic and religious and regional groups, where some get plenty and some get none, where some send eighty percent of their children to college and others pull them out of school at the 8th grade, Negroes are among the weakest. 

The most difficult fact for white Americans to understand is that in these terms the circumstances of the Negro American community in recent years has probably been getting worse, not better.

Indices of dollars of income, standards of living, and years of education deceive. The gap between the Negro and most other groups in American society is widening.

The fundamental problem, in which this is most clearly the case, is that of family structure. The evidence -- not final, but powerfully persuasive -- is that the Negro family in the urban ghettos is crumbling. A middle-class group has managed to save itself (not anymore), but for vast numbers of the unskilled, poorly educated city working class the fabric of conventional social relationships has all but disintegrated. There are indications that the situation may have been arrested in the past few years, but the general post-war trend is unmistakable. 

So long as this situation persists, the cycle of poverty and disadvantage will continue to repeat itself. 

As long as the situation persists the dysfunction will continue, grow, balloon, etc. Never did I think other black people would try to NORMALIZE it. Did they just throw in the towel or are they really that foolish? This organization is planning a tour. The had three mothers of rap artists speak in NYC on Saturday. I'm still waiting to know why they are an authority on child-rearing and their sons are pillars of the "community". 

Where's the shame? Where's the outrage? People want to focus on a stupid club that won't let kids swim there but ignore what those kids are COMING "HOME" TO! 

Did we need a push to send our elders to therapy to try to resolve the anger, frustration, inadequacy whatever wounds were still there from the racism? Did we need to keep neighborhoods and business separate so blacks were forced to band together and keep a minimum income level for the collective? 

I have no idea, but dang it as I read this report with a totally different mindset I want to stick a pin in him but Moynihan was correct about a lot of what he wrote. He was still displaying racist tendencies but I guess I can forget about finding anti-racism activism here. The point is getting the cold slap of reality. The point is dismantling the indoctrination of race loyalty over common sense. The point is to stop looking solely at how white people behave towards blacks and fix the damage that blacks are doing to each other!!! 

So what did all the black (male) "leaders" of that time decide to do? They ignored this sage advice, vilified the report and called him a liar. Well he's dead now but who's getting the last laugh?

Nonetheless, at the center of the tangle of pathology is the weakness of the family structure. Once or twice removed, it will be found to be the principal source of most of the aberrant, inadequate, or antisocial behavior that did not establish, but now serves to perpetuate the cycle of poverty and deprivation.

We SURVIVED so much. We are a STRONG and RESILIENT people. We can turn things around, but not without a REALITY CHECK. (Ok who am I kidding...this is more of the last call at the end of the night. Get your last drink on before it's over.) Telling women to expect to and prepare for raising children with no man present and no backup is like telling a five year old it's ok to go play in traffic. 

What a fool believes

He sees

No wise man has the power to reason away - Doobie Brothers

We Must Listen When DBRs Like George Sodini Say They Want To Harm Women!

Since this PA shooting has been all over the news yesterday I had to sift through my immediate gut reaction. Which was to panic slightly. Analyzing this is like being a criminal profiler where you have to place yourself in the mind of a depraved male. Yes, the alleged murderer was white as well as the three women who were killed.  Nine other people were seriously hurt before he turned the gun on himself. Our discussions about DBR (damaged beyond recognition) behavior has largely focused on black men because we're trying to warn as many unsuspecting black women as possible, but George Sodini was just as misogynistic on top of being racist. The only thing that separates him from these DBR bm is that his target was white women. He'd indicated he was ready to Set It Off for quite some time. There's more men like him with a list of "grievances" and more violence to come. Is anybody listening?

The corporate media wants to be swift in labeling him mentally disturbed to reassure the public (and other whites) that he was an aberration not the norm. So white people can go back to feeling safe while telling themselves they're not racist. The fact of the matter is Sodini hated women period. He specifically mentioned black male/white women pairings as the object of his derision. When you come across as angry and anti-social you're not going to attract a mate! Which is why he had problems forming romantic relationships with women. 

I highlighted a video from a dating reality tv show earlier this week. The guy featured had difficulty forming normative bonds with women as well. Only he's a millionaire so he went to a dating service. This show regularly features (mostly white) men with serious issues of objectifying women, seeking out women with little life experience so they can dominate them as well as rotating a steady roster of women to have sex with. They think they're normal - and special because they have money. They are advised to change their behavior to find lasting love but they are highly resistant to do so. Isn't insanity doing the same things repeatedly hoping for a different outcome?

Sodini also took issue with having Obama as president because he's black. Big surprise. We saw during the primary and general election the extent of discomfort whites felt at what they saw as a New World Order where they were not dominating. Remember Ashley Todd? These tea-baggers and birthers are just continuing where they left off. The fact they're given free reign by the corporate media to spew their hate and lies across all platforms also shows us how well-supported they are. Well all you whites need not worry - you're still in charge. Obama has done everything to reassure you he's "safe" other than resign. Some people can be sooo dense!!! Chill out.

Here's one really interesting entry to Sodini's blog dated December 30th of last year (which has subsequently been pulled) on the ABC web site:

While driving I radio surfed a talk show. The caller was a 30ish black man who was describing the despair in certain black communities. According to him life is cheap there because you are going to die anyway when you get old. It is the quality of life that is important, he said. If you know the past 40 years were crappy, why live another 30 crappy years then die? His point was they engage in dangerous behavior that tends to shorten the lifespans, to die now and avoid the next crappy 30 years, using my example. The host got sarcastic and ended the call instead of trying to understand his point. I put music back on. But it was an interesting, and useful point for me to hear. 

When we had these blog discussions last month about how these DBRs reveal themselves so readily how many people actually took that statement to heart? There's a big wall of resistance, excuses and denial. Well my father/brother/neighbor/cousin isn't like that I don't know what you're talking about!! I discussed how some seemingly educated, socially-mobile, seemingly normal black men have such contempt for black women and feel free to express it. So if the bougie set is like this how bad do you think the underclass is? I also focused on the abandonment issues and how women need to figure out how to choose a better mate and expand their options.  We see the aftermath of fatherless children aging to adulthood. We see how those who have been hardened also have zero value for human life. They behave in more savage and depraved ways at earlier ages than ever. Hence a situation with four boys under the age of 15 kidnapping and gang raping a young girl in Arizona. Hence Dunbar Village and other atrocities that are still to come out of these crumbling black residential areas. 

We also mentioned how increasingly more black women are displaying these DBR tendencies as well. We need to explore that in more depth. Still, women are not the majority threat! This is just the deterioration setting in across the board as the entire "black community" as it was once known collapses. We have not discussed how you can go to YouTube right now and find numerous black men - who like George Sodini - are making videos or writing blog posts talking about how they want to maim and kill black women. I'm not linking to them. Some of these sociopaths have already struck. Law enforcement is a little too lead-footed for my taste in taking these threats seriously. We need to take action. If someone had paid attention to Sodini's threats maybe the lives of the those people at the gym could have been spared. 

Let's report these would-be criminals before it's too late and make sure the police do something about it!

When A White Guy With Racist Tendencies Recognizes DBR Behavior It Must Be Bad!

What! you may be thinking. You may still be in denial or grieving your moment after getting out of the This Is What the Black Community Used to Be But Is No More Matrix. Whether you're contemplating taking the pill, want to be put back in or are ready to take on some agents you cannot afford to stick your fingers in your ears anymore. Well, you are of course free to do as you like, but if you want a FULL LIFE with ALL OF ITS PROMISE there are certain steps you must take.

  
Watch the tape:

What do I get from this scene? That anyone is capable of anything at any time. Also black women have to be more discerning in determining who displays DBR behavior. It could be your best friend, your mother or even yourself if you don't check some underlying attitudes that may be present. So many are so caught up in maintaining the illusion they will fight you. 

The most likely to display DBR behavior are still African-American males. Remember one of the Dunbar Village rapists/attempted murderers was a 14 year old! The recently plea-bargained Chris Brown is 19. You have no way of knowing when the damage sets in and takes over. It's not going to be limited to a man age 25 or over. His social status does not insulate him. His education does not insulate him. If he has friends who are DBRs there's no telling when he'll breathe in their toxins and become one himself. Yes I was thinking of Invasion of Body Snatchers as I wrote that. Pop culture is a great tool for getting a message out. Those people were taken over. DBRs choose it.

You must leave. 

No giving second chances after you've been beat up.

You must leave. 

If they really loved you they wouldn't put you down or be jealous.

You must leave. 

They blame you for making bad choices but called you uppity for having standards. 

There's a entire process that must be undertaken but the first step (as with the Matrix) is GETTING OUT. Which brings me to my point. I was doing some research for another post and came across this blog, Guy: White Making Sense on Race. Now I have spotted obvious racist tendencies in some of his comments but even a broken clock is correct twice! So dismiss if you will but here's what I read:

Sure not all the black men are thugs. But the wealthy and upper middle class blacks go for white women. So what are black women left with? Just a small number of middle class blacks who aren’t wealthy enough to get a white woman and also aren’t felons. That explains why 70% of them (wisely) choose to stay single.  Stay Single, Sista! post.

Ok so there's a few caveats he's missed. He's making class distinctions but most black men (would) go for white women, especially the ones who tie their self-esteem to proximity to white skin. His comment was interesting in that he's confirming if you are tied to only dating a black man and if the ones you have access to are of little value STAY AWAY FROM THEM. What would be great would be encouraging black women to date based on the character traits of a man and to date a large variety. If you won't do that though, then he is correct, stay single! 

His comment section is very enlightening as he unloads these little gems (I respond in bright blue):

I also cited the fact that there isn’t a single famous black man who’s married to a woman who looks typically African. Either their wives and girlfriends are white or they call themselves black (for affirmative action) ha but in reality clearly look like they have more white genes than black.  Actually Denzel & Samuel are, but they're old school. We also don't know the quality of their marriages, but you get the point!

If they can’t marry a white woman for some reason (can’t get her, or can’t marry a white woman because it would harm their career, as is the case with Obama) ha, then they marry a black woman who has a lot of white blood, lighter skin and at least somewhat European features.

In Angry White Men..or Is It Black Women?

The law of supply and demand dictates than when supply drops and demand remains stable, the price of the commodity increases...it’s nice to have the option so that there are enough women for all the men and avoid a disequilibrium that results in one side being much more “valuable” than the other.

Black women are faced with that very disequilibrium. There’s much more demand for black men than there’s supply, and black men know it. Anyone who knows the law of supply and demand realizes that it means that black men can abuse black women. This abuse need not necessarily be in the form of beatings – it could be abandoning the mother of your child, sleeping with women for whom you are unwilling to do anything and from whom you will steal.

Black women are facing a penis shortage, for a lack of better term. They can’t “trap their man” and force him to “buy the cow” because they know that another woman will be willing to take him just for the sex, or just to have a child with someone.

Black men, thus, need not be fathers, husbands or even boyfriends. This naturally upsets women who want a husband and a father for their children. Only if the woman is exclusively focused on being with a black male.

*****

So there you have it from the horse's mouth. A male who understands male behavior. A white male who has observed obvious dysfunction by black men and knows black women who choose poorly will continue to get the short end of the stick. He's also commented on how white women are looked at with disdain when they hook up with these DBRs by other whites. As problematic as his attitudes of inferiority of black intelligence are he has certainly nailed the attitudes of inferiority some display in their behavior. Does anyone still want to pretend this isn't a problem?! It can be easily solved as black women expand their options and choose LIFE.

Internet Ike Turners & Obfuscation Tactics To Stop Black Women Empowerment

This is not a popularity contest.

This is not for kicks and giggles.

This is not what I do to pass the time.

There are lives at stake.

This blog discusses issues surrounding social justice - and the hypocrisy of those who are only interested in the ones that pertain to them.

I cover politics, pop culture and other subjects as they pertain to all of the above. Or whatever else I want to write.

My specific focus lately is on improving the lives of black women and girls but I also cover transphobia.

I invite you to walk this journey with me as it's a challenging one for all of us.

Now that you've have been duly reminded (or informed) of what I do here I hope that you will take my efforts with the seriousness it deserves. You're not going to find many blogs hosted by black women that is equally affirming of the issues I support. In certain cases my position will be opposite of what some may expect - which is why one should not assume. If you follow me online across various forums you will find that I'm fairly consistent in my interactions, tone and purpose. Why anyone would express surprise at this baffles me. Don't you know who I am?

I have never noticed how great the distance is in our ideology and the level of indoctrination and dysfunction on the state of black women, particularly African American women in this country until this week. (As well as the black community). I’m not Mother Theresa and I’m not here to ride the rescue wave. Nor do I see myself as some sort of guru, savior or dragon-slayer. I am a woman (not to be confused with your typical all-knowing black Superwoman) who realized that things were not exactly how they should be and I couldn’t put my finger on what was off. Now that I’ve gotten out of the Matrix I see plenty, but every time I think I’ve got it figured out a new level of dysfunction awaits. This has occurred across the board for many people in the US as the moral stock has plummeted but since I’m part of less empowered group within an even less empowered group my interests lay in elevating my station in life and freeing myself of certain mindsets that do not benefit me.

I had three very distinct and abnormal encounters with black men (all strangers) this weekend. One wanted to be overly familiar and when I told him he was violating my boundaries he wanted to deny my right to set them. He felt like his standards of what was appropriate for me was just a-ok. My little opinion be damned. And he has a Rev. title! The other two are writers who took issue with my posts from the past few days - not a big surprise. I see the toxic behavior up close and personal and I not only have to filter out my interactions with these DBR (damaged beyond repair) Negroes online (because I engage in social media and discuss social justice/racism/sexism/black woman hatred but I have to withstand the scrutiny and difference of opinion of other black women still in "defend the black man/save alla our people" mode as well.

No where do I see consistent examples of anyone sticking up for black women – except on the black women empowerment blogs.

Not only have I grown as a person from reading the works of unindoctrinated women but I realize there are few truly safe places where we can go online without being bombarded, harassed, questioned or condemned for some "fault". I feel the need to mention that sticking up for us as a collective doesn’t mean condoning everything we do as individuals either. There is a high standard of accountability as well as expectation of respect and living an amazing life. That door swings both ways.

One theme has emerged from our conversations is the never-ending accusation of being angry or expecting too much and a request to cut black men some slack. No why on earth would I cut a GROWN man slack? If he hasn't figured out how to behave in public, be a person of substance or engage other people online in a public forum why should I be the one to make concessions? That is insane to me. So is the accusation that we must harbor hate or vitriol for black men because we have high standards. Some of us are married to black men and were raised by wonderful men who provided and protected us. Now with the current 70% never married rate for black women and the 80% out of wedlock birth rate and a host of other issues I am not seeing this as the standard anymore. Fatherless men do not know how to provide and protect naturally. If someone isn’t looking out for your best interests why expend time and energy looking out for theirs at your expense?

I am not tied to the "black community". I’ve already discussed why I believe there is no black community left. Though I would really like President Obama to be able to wave a magic wand and elevate the underclass, working class and middle class I know that’s not going to happen. For many reasons. We have no engaging culture to speak of. That’s why Perry getting his hooks into For Colored Girls is so infuriating. No one is going to convince me the average hip-hop song, music video, the emergence of street “literature” that glorifies criminality, the constant promotion of reality shows where blacks are the lowest of the low (don’t make me list them) is a worthy expression of culture and fairly represents blacks. We have diminishing political clout and will be usurped by the next "minority" ethnic group to emerge after the next Census comes out.

The only thing holding back the latest backlash of white racism from expanding to an all-out race war is the few old guard Civil Rights-era politicians and some of the more liberal-leaning whites. Guilt will be gone with the death of the Boomer generation. We’re post-racial. Also other non-whites groups didn’t collectively oppress blacks so it’s every group for themselves from now on. One of the reasons why I’m so frustrated with the inaction of the President has to do with the unreliability of the black constituency. Too many of us accept mediocrity, excuses and limitations as just another day. If I’m sounding preachy I’ll remind you I am very opinionated and you are free of course to prove me wrong about this!

It’s funny (not) because the only consistent problem I have on these public forums is when I encounter some black men exercising their right to be misogynistic. They just don’t like being challenged on any front. Their egos are too fragile. I am not an angry person but I will respond in kind to being denigrated. I’ve already stated I think this Negro Derangement Syndrome affects the majority of black men. If you disagree with that and your father, husband, brother, cousin or neighbor has been fully inoculated bully for you. Certainly you don’t think because you have relationships with people that they are without faults? That because your man loves you that he can’t display sexist behavior to another woman? That those who fight for racism are without prejudices of their own? I don’t claim to be perfect by any means. My blog is my space and I guard it fiercely. You don’t call someone crazy after arguing semantics when the core issue is your anger over being criticized. That’s an obfuscation. It’s typical troll behavior to deflect an argument on some other non-related issue to try to obscure the attack. Then when confronted to claim ignorance of the behavior and accuse the person you were attacking of being angry/mean/uncooperative.

I do not require agreement on all issues but a likemindedness on the important ones like the status of black women is vital I see. It’s not the only topic I wish to discuss however. I have one blogger I follow who does address the inequalities amongst LGBTs related to all areas of transphobia. There was a time I said to her: Hey can you lighten up? I completely understand why she does not. She’s one of the few voices to consistentlyspeak on it. Her words may be difficult to read at times but her truth shines through. She’s usually 99.99% correct to boot. She’s not full of rage or anger though she’s just very focused. So am I. Perhaps other people have numerous buffer zones, support systems and financial resources available to them. What about those who do not? What about those who cannot speak for themselves? This isn’t about me personally. I’m not being abused (except for my writing), I’m not living a life of quiet desperation. I have plenty of freedom. I could in fact not discuss any of this but I think having knowledge of things leads to further responsibilities. Not past the point of putting oneself in harm’s way or doing too much, but in telling our stories. I am reminded this is NOTHING compared to what Alice Walker, Ntozake Shange and other black women empowerment writers went through. So I must be striking a nerve! Good.

I have times when I feel stressed to the max. It's a sign I need to disengage. Last week outside events were more upsetting than my offline life. The Dunbar Village trial. The Maia Campbell tape surfacing and all that entailed. The Chris Brown denial and continued acceptance of criminality amongst some of us. Tyler Perry hijacking a very important story part of the canon of the AA female life experience. The ongoing opposition to the President (my criticism is not opposition to his leadership). These things do have an effect. But supposedly life for the black female collective is just hunky dory. Except when you do a side by side comparison to other groups of women then you see how far down the totem pole our standards are. But pretending is better than admitting that for many.

As to my interactions, I had one writer go through my followers list on Twitter to contact certain women to get background information on me after I wrote my post criticizing his attack on black women. I had another writer who coincidently also writes for the Root tried to argue with me that Majora Carter wasn’t a pioneer of environmental efforts because women from another generation came before her. I never said she was the FIRST and ONLY. I don’t know her and have not placed her on a pedestal – but I can easily spot the tactics of a DBR male who was wildly declaring she didn’t deserve one. I was critiquing Van Jones and in the end I believe this is what this male was criticizing me for.

Why on earth should I listen to anyone who approaches me in a disrespectful manner? I was very clear in how I worded my post. In case you’re still wondering where the insult originated from it surfaced in 1) presuming to tell me something as if I don’t know how to Google (research) people and subjects 2) chastising me in another forum. Had he really been interested in having a legit conversation he could have signed in like everybody does and written a comment. But he sought to lecture me instead.

I’m not going to allow anyone to dictate the content of my blog while dissing me. Are we really going to lob an argument about journalistic standards when those at the top of their field are repeatedly busted for plagiarizing the work of the mere “blogger”? Having a byline means you managed to get someone to hire you. I’m doing this for free. I write new content every day. Who’s showing more dedication? I have had people give me information that may have necessitated an update which I have been happy to do. But I think it takes a particular type of asinine person to nitpick over semantics and ignore the entire blog post. Internet Ike Turners are men and women who troll blogs and online forums to obfuscate, castigate and derail conversations. They also like to spread confusion.

Everyone is welcome in this forum but it's not a free for all. Read at your leisure. Comment at will – following my posting rules of course. If my opinion is that different from your own you're not likely to change my mind. If you find such little value in what I say why get upset? Just move on. Life is short ya know. I won’t take it personally. We all have different paths to walk in life. I am very opinionated and confident in my point of view. I’m certainly willing to learn something BUT if you haven’t spent time at my blog forum, I haven’t verified who you are and we haven’t built mutual trust do NOT expect me to give you the benefit of the doubt or a wide berth.

If you attempt to define what I’ve written and tell me something completely opposite of what it says I urge you to re-read and take a breath before contacting me. Often when we react strongly to concepts we may place added meaning where there is none. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re going to remake me in your image of what you think I should be. So. Not. Happening.

**P.S. If you're accessing this post through Twitter and wish to engage a longer conversation please sign in HERE at this forum and leave a comment.

Street Harassment Is Part of the DBR War Against Women

If the Only Victims Are Male & the Only Oppressors White, Where Does That Leave Black Women?

Consider This the Black Woman's Version of ACT UP!

Cinderella: Guerrilla Training Manual For African-American Women

When A White Guy With Racist Tendencies Recognizes DBR Behavior It Must Be Bad!

When Stumbling Out of the DBR Matrix These Are Great First Steps

Or you might consider this part of your escape route when deciding which pill to take when you decide to get out of **DBR-Ville!!

This scene is from the television show The Game. I have mixed feelings about this show overall but this was an excellent example of what a woman should be doing with her life. In case you can't watch it from work the female lead is treating a patient who overhears a c conversation. She offers counsel to her by referencing women who style their hair a certain way as a metaphor for not taking chances in life and weeding out those who would hold her back.

I loved the fact this older woman gave such common sense, no-nonsense advice to the younger (still confused) woman. Her advice is to NOT let OTHER people dictate the standards by which you live! Skip ahead to the portion starting at 1:45 and end at 6:00. A quick backstory: this series is about the relationship between a med student and her NFL player boyfriend. It is based on the real-life story of Staci Robinson who wrote a book titled "Interceptions".

For the series to work the guy is supposed to be decent underneath blah blah blah but honestly he seems to be a lesser value man and the female lead isn't setting high enough standards - which is why their problems constantly obstruct the relationship. They often break up and during one of their off periods he impregnated another woman. The ensuing conflicts from the conflict is why they're not together during this period and the female lead makes another poor decision by sexing her supervisor. This show is a paint-it-by-numbers of WHAT NOT TO DO!

In TV-land things will be wrapped up but the reality is far more tenuous and can have negative generational ramifications. Of course because the male leads on this series are supposed to be a high-profile individuals the implied message here seems to be that any woman who chooses to be with them is going to have to tolerate a lot. Next!

Last time I checked a pig wearing lipstick is still...just...a...pig.