Tyra Show On Picking A Good Man - Oh Boy!

Wednesday's episode of the Tyra Show asked if women have good dating instincts. There was a panel of eight women who were split into groups and sent on speed dating sessions. They had  a variety of men to choose from and would come back to discuss the dates. The men were categorized as "good" or "bad" guys and the women had to evaluate who fit into what category. The producers chose some rather clueless women so we could feel better about ourselves! It became the running joke that these women had no set standards going into the dates. That is where they and the audience could have been educated. 

Tyra had two experts offer post-date evaluations. One was male relationship advice author Finesse Mitchell while the other, FBI agent Barbara Roberts offered tips on reading body language and facial expressions. She warned if you feel the instinct to pull back when you're in the company of a man to trust it.

The first group of three women chose one particular guy. He was very attractive I admit - and it was the first thing they all gave as the reason for choosing him. One of the women was practically swooning over his blue eyes as she talked about him. They had already made an emotional investment in a complete stranger. So when Tyra brought the man out he revealed that he was gay  - all three women nearly fell off their chairs. 

Sorry, but I saw that one a mile away. He mentioned he was really into musical theatre  - and I immediately thought, next! Yeah I know musical theatre shouldn't automatically disqualify a man, but come on. I once outed a male friend who hadn't revealed his identity to me yet based on his love of the Pet Shop Boys. Why? I don't know one straight man that knows the lyrics and song titles of PSB songs. I have been swayed by a pretty face and a smile before though so it's not uncommon.

The next group of two chose a guy who dished out lots and lots of compliments, kissed their hands in greeting and declared his love of women. Sounds good, right? He said he was a big romantic and enjoyed cooking for a woman. He then revealed himself as a womanizer with three phones to keep track of all the women he was dating. He was trying his best to be the Casanova of 2009!

The last group chose another guy based on his physicality because he was 'big and strong'.  One woman declared he was the kind of man she'd take home (to meet mom). Now I can understand our primal nature wanting a protector, but he has to be a man who understands that role. He was evasive about wanting to be in a serious relationship when he replied "if that's what the woman wanted" so he wasn't a good choice either. I also thought if they peeled back a layer or two he'd be one of those men that grew up without a father. The first womanizer guy was a lot more slick about it, while this guy was emotionally distant.

This is where the FBI agent's advice really helped. She pointed out the men were either avoiding eye contact, had their arms folded across their chests, touched their chins, or closed their hands as examples of lying. She discussed how to better read men and certain facial expressions. She mentioned that specific features are positive indicators like a square forehead, big ears (good listener), radiance from the eyes, overall body language, large mouth (affectionate and generous), rounded chin (love of animals) and ears coming forward. She used examples of famous men with photos in offering her evaluations. Our facial combination: the features we're born with, how we like to look (hairstyles, makeup) and any potential accident/surgeries are strong personality indicators.  

I would like for the show to spend time on getting advice from men of various ages who are in healthy relationships. They can offer real life instruction of how to evaluate men. Of course there are internal factors and lifestyles of individuals as well. The show wrapped up with the one woman whom Tyra said chose a good guy - though the established criteria for determining that was never revealed. 

The final three men were solid career professionals, but I noticed they didn't have the swagger of the other men. That's part of the problem. The bad boys know how to be manipulative and push boundaries in a way that's exciting but ultimately harmful. They are usually very confident. The guy chosen was very excited and declared how lucky he was because she was so beautiful. That was sweet, but they do have to get to know each other! I felt kinda bad for the last two who didn't get picked because they looked embarrassed. I actually thought this was a very informative show and a great beginning.

Pseudo-Intelligentsia Slave Catchers: Black on Black Crime

Well I guess I inadvertently coined a new phrase: pseudo-intelligentsia slave catcher. When we think of the Slave Catcher in reference to Black history we know there were white people with a vested interest in retaining as many enslaved people as possible. Did you know that there were Black people who sold each other out to curry favor? Before and after slavery officially ended. Today we can easily spot the them. Republican hacks. They're usually trying to outdo the racist, misrepresent Affirmative Action as a quota for 'unqualified slobs' and would be the first with the rope. Their disdain for all things Black are glaringly obvious. What about the others? 

Which brings me to the Salon article from yesterday. See my last post. Quite a few blog hosts are talking about it with equal dismay. Except there's always somebody that's gotta make excuses or ask why this is a big deal. I have one word for you. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Does having a couple of degrees make you any less culpable for perpetuating the lowest common denominator behavior? Why not direct a booty-shaking video while you're at it Erin Kaplan. Like I asked yesterday, does shooting at someone make it any less unlawful and dangerous when fired by a Black woman? How stupid are we supposed to be? I say keep writing to Salon and tell Joan Walsh to kiss our Black asses! 

Salon likes to think of itself as a liberal leaning publication but their racism is just as prevalent as views presented in the National Review. This is the same mindset behind the infamous New Yorker cover they claimed was satire. So yet again another media engine run by all white people all the time misses the mark so thoroughly.  Walsh wants to duck, cover and hide behind Black writers while ignoring the fact they are being used to add a few flames to racial arson, not put it out.  All in the name of "diversity". 

There's a number of thoughtful, evocative writers of color who could be hired - and not just for freelance work - but as permanent contributors with a masthead. But somehow a slur isn't supposed to be a slur when it comes from someone who sorta looks like you. Yes we get it, Mrs. O is a stunner, but she's certainly not the exception to the rule. There are plenty of attractive Black women out there. How about hiring writers of conscious instead?

A lot of the misunderstanding comes from this attitude 'why is this is a big deal, it's a compliment'. Black men need to realize once and for all they don't own us. Black women: we don't belong to Black men. Our loyalty should be first and foremost to ourselves. They can't have it both ways, expecting Black women to 'hold it down' for them when they've abandoned us in every way possible. We should be free to walk down the street without harassment. We should not have such a high rate of mostly unreported sexual assault. No more excuses for older men preying on underage girls. 

Perhaps the conversation should be about how women are either under-or-over eating and how too wide a swing on the pendulum is not a good thing. Then perhaps the sight of a normal looking body size wouldn't be such a shocker. There is NO reason for any public discourse about Michelle Obama's body or any other Black woman we don't know.

Can I Just Say Wow!

I saw this posted over at Black Girls Rock blog and immediately had to have a drink with ice cubes. If these two aren't dating in real life I suspect their reel life might lend to a modification with a quickness!  The guy is hot, haut, haute and he is certainly enjoying his 'acting' assignment. This is why the right kind of erotica is such a visual stimulator and so satisfying!

Making Out Is Legal