Regarding Tyson: Confessions On National TV Is Not A Substitute For Therapy

I thought the Mike Tyson interview on Oprah earlier this week was a HAM. It's great for her and the ratings but ultimately how does this actually benefit any of us? I wasn't sure there'd be any benefit to watching it as I didn't need that episode to tell me Tyson has serious problems. Since she had him back on yesterday for Fridays Live I thought a discussion was warranted.

Here are some of my thoughts in no particular order:

• He may be more self-aware but he's still a menace.
• His limited education (and perhaps capacity for learning) is a huge impediment.
• We can see yet again the result of letting a fatherless male child grow up in society without guidance.
• Of course someone should have been concerned about Oprah's safety - he's made a career out of brutalizing men and is a convicted criminal (but she as a security detail).
• Forgiveness and redemption are not to be doled out like candy. They must be earned and appreciated.
• He's apologized to Evander Holyfield - again - but is he actually remorseful. Seriously?
• What amends has he attempted to make to Desiree Washington for raping her and Robin Givens for beating her?

I would not be alone in a room with that man under any circumstance. He seems rather volatile and ready to go off at any second. I still sense his rage and his insecurities just beneath the surface. Who are these women that line up to have sex with this man and have children with him? You cannot convince me money is not a huge incentive. His current wife's denial was even called out by Oprah during the first interview.

Despite his sorrow, his increasing self-awareness and his public display what has he actually learned and how has he changed? Crying relieves stress and looks really good on television. It doesn't guarantee a fundamental shift in one's core. Despite his numerous points of dysfunction he mentions he learned how to treat women from watching pimps. Pimps are criminals who exploit women. At what point did he ever ask himself why he chose to model his actions based on the dregs and predators of society? Do I even need to mention that he was obviously influenced by the rather typical rejection of certain black women by mostly African-American males for one who falls in the lighter-skinned long hair category? There's a rather distinct pattern here.

Finally, I conclude this entire interview is one that belonged on a therapist's couch not a television talk show host's. Ditto for the dad in the audience that said he could relate to the loss of his child from watching Tyson. Some may feel as if they've seen a whole new side that "explains" him better. I have to ask why it would take such an interview that scratches the surface and should be a beginning point for personal transformation for someone to figure out the man has had emotional problems? Many of us have things we must work through but don't substitute the confessional aspects of sharing your dysfunction with the entire world for the real work of intensive therapy.

Nor do we choose to take it out on others we perceive as being weaker or less likely to be protected. Did you get the part where he said he doesn't want the details of what happened to his 4 year-old daughter because he'll "blame" someone?! There was a definite implied threat behind that statement. Someone who's actually changed doesn't constantly revert back to destructive and violent patterns. So as far as I'm concerned he hasn't changed at all. Not where it really counts. Don't spread the message that African-Americans are such a damaged people. Which also brings me to another question for these men (like the dad featured) who have children out of wedlock: if you care so much why aren't you providing an intact family structure for them by marrying the mother of your children?

Old School Friday - Out Darn Song!

It's Old School Friday time! This week's meme is Songs You Despise But Know the Words To. I had to think about that one for a while. Since the rules are songs must have been released before 1999 that leaves out all of the current music I'd most certainly choose. So I thought of this song because of the obvious street harassment/sexual objectification angles. Before anyone thinks I take this one song very seriously though I don't - necessarily.

Watching video of the Commodores at that time usually made me laugh because they'd be considered so fey in today's hypermasculine/thug culture. Also I look at this song as part of a larger evaluation of the oversexualization that occurs within a segment of the black community where women "let it all hang out" for male approval. Clearly that needs to change if women are going to be empowered. We must be able to relate to men - or have them relate to us - in a manner that benefits us across all strata of society. What may be "acceptable" in some circles would be detrimental in others. Also we all know we may want to be able to be sexy but it needs to be under circumstances and in an environment of our choosing. Ok, that was way more intense than intended but pop culture certainly provides a means of making things more relatable.

Since When Are Hetero Marriages Under Attack?

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

Wow what a "nice" man letting us colored folk use his bathroom and all. Does this sound familiar? Any person part of a marginalized group can certainly relate to hearing this type of attitude.

A Justice of the Peace (oh the irony) in Louisiana refuses to issue marriage licenses for interracial couples. Yeah I had to check my calendar as well - cuz I thought I was stuck in some weird time warp back to 1959. Before the Loving v. Virginia ruling. He claims to be concerned about any future offspring of these couples. Well first of all people don't have to be married to procreate - so before he breaks out into "The Greatest Love Of All" he might want to remember that.

It sounds as if he's only interested in preserving a racial hierarchy. This definitely reminds me of the refusal of officials to sign and issue licenses to LGBT couples in CA during the height of the Prop 8 war. This is why it's so important to fight for justice across the board - not just for topics of particular interest to you as an individual. Remember love is a battlefield to some who'd like to deny consenting adults the right to choose who they love. Some laws are designed to protect us from discriminatory practices. This should serve as a reminder how important the enforcement of those laws are.

Couple Discusses 1st Time Homebuyer Tips But What's Wrong With This Picture?

Angie and Hawk make an attractive couple don't you think? This show is a follow-up series that revisits home buyers after they've made their purchase. They offer advice and share things they've learned since closing. I really love the decor in their dining room as well. Everything seems to be going well for them.

Let's scratch beneath the surface a little shall we? Angie seems like a nice lady - the type that would do anything to keep her man happy. I'm certain she considers herself a modern independent woman as well.

So despite all appearances to the contrary what's wrong with this picture?

Dunbar Village Miscreants Get Life While A New Set Arrested For Setting A Teen On Fire

I was just reading the post at What About Our Daughters regarding the reaction of the family and supporters of those convicted in the Dunbar Village case as their sentences were issued. The relative youth of some of those criminals regarding getting a life-term is up for debate amongst some people. Even after the fact. I understand the defense attorneys fighting it because that's their job but there are still people who think crimes committed by those under the age of 18 solely involve their lack of judgement. While that may be true to varying degrees sometimes a criminal is just a criminal. Some youths are well on their way to being sociopaths. Some boys have been allowed to flourish as if under the direct guidance of Lucifer himself. Everyone cannot be rehabilitated or redeemed. Not when they have no remorse and no conscience.

I used to think prosecutors were singling out youths of color and the push for charging juvenile's as adults was cruel and unusual punishment. Since I didn't work in law enforcement or with youths I didn't realize the accumulation of a population that has grown to be more brutal over the years. It is sad because it means that children are being failed in every way possible. It also means a lot of people who do procreate should not until they learn how to be a parent - of course that's not likely to occur. The more atrocities I read about the more I realize it's open season for many who reside in certain residential areas.

There are still others involved in the Dunbar Village terrorism who haven't been arrested and charged for their crimes. It may come down to them committing some other crime to finally get them off the streets. Now there's another case in Florida getting national attention because of the race of the victim. Five boys are being charged with setting a classmate on fire over a minor dispute. He's white and some (if not all) of those involved in the attack are black. The victim owed one of them money for a video game so they stole his dad's bike. Then the victim reported it and they retaliated. The burning gives me shudders because it's what the other males at Dunbar Village wanted to do to the mother and son to destroy evidence.

I'm sure the background history of those convicted for the Dunbar Village crimes will be similar to those being charged in this incident. The local media offers a bit more information. One of the mothers is interviewed on camera and claims her son was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps she's correct..but that's the same thing one of the mothers said about her son about Dunbar Village. Is there a "My Son Can't Be A Criminal 101" textbook out there? A lack of sympathy gene? How long until one of the parents of those accused say racism is involved? The response is nearly identical.

Will the Perceived Threat of Limbaugh As NFL Owner Ignite Political Activism Amongst the Players?

Since Rush Limbaugh announced his intention to seek partial ownership of the St. Louis Rams certain players have publicly objected. As we know Limbaugh regularly says incendiary things on his radio show. He's a highly paid spokesperson for the continued dominance of white male patriarchy. He's not going anywhere anytime soon either. His perceived power exists only as long as it suits those who pay him and support his career. I say that because once it becomes too burdensome or his ties generate too much publicity that threatens the agenda of those who benefit from his boorishness he will become expendable.

There's a number of black NFL players who object to his ownership and they cite his many racist statements as the reason. They even got their union involved. Now Al Sharpton - and Jesse Jackson have jumped in the fray. Sharpton was doing the cable news circuit yesterday. He was surprisingly nuanced in his approach but as with everything their reputation proceeds them. I can understand why there's concern but this was a time for discipline on the part of those players and the racial ambulance chasers. Why? They have little credibility. Between the wife beating, the groupies, the blowing through money and a host of other less than desirable behavior by certain players we're being asked to ignore all of it and instead focus on one person who wishes to make a profit from them. Is Limbaugh supposed to be the only person in a position of would-be authority who holds self-serving interests? Is racist? Are you kidding?

Also since when do these athletes engage in thoughtful political discourse? Limbaugh is a jerk but he made a point when he referred to the behavior of some players as being akin to the Crips and the Bloods without the weapons. Is he wrong or has he instead brought attention to a negative reputation that should be addressed? No one wants to take ownership of that but who can argue about the criminal activities of numerous players even after they've been recruited? Where's the accountability? Being a professional athlete is essentially a highly visible job requiring a certain skill set. Which is why they are paid handsomely. As long as they bring value to the sports. That job in and of itself does not automatically instill values that override the mentality of those that participate.

The perception of condoned criminality and poor moral judgement is the big elephant in the room and it can't be ignored. That isn't racist. Plaxico Burress went to prison for carrying a concealed weapon that discharged in a public place. Michael Vick was just released. This behavior, as exemplified by Rumeal Robinson isn't strictly limited to the NFL. Limbaugh could also buy into an NBA team or other sports. Just like the White House focusing on Fox News as being the villain when MSNBC has Pat Buchanan in their employ, these players are pointing their finger at the wrong thing. The problem isn't Limbaugh in and of itself. He'd have a minority stake in the team. If he became too much of an obstructionist that threatened the rate of return for the other investors he'd be gone.

It seems weird that the only thing certain players respond to - yet again - involves the perceived threat from a white male instead of the out of control behavior of their fellow players. That has more serious ramifications and occurs with increasing frequency. They're not looking at the big picture. There are so few players that take a stand for social justice nowadays because it's all about me-me-me. This was a wasted opportunity to become actively involved in matters that directly impact others. I'm certain there's a certain amount of malfeasance on both sides that may never see the light of day but that isn't the point. Limbaugh is a hypocrite for bringing it up but that doesn't make him any less correct in his assessment.

Forcing the issue by opposing him because he has differing views undermines them and these players don't get it. Now they will have no more excuses for bad behavior on or off the field. I hope they have plans to take a more active role in fighting against injustice and displaying moral leadership. If the threat of an unsympathetic "dad" is making those that engage in childish behavior uncomfortable perhaps Limbaugh's participation will be of benefit overall.

Follow-Up to Good Hair: Still Being Mocked & Who Went To See It?

I know somebody actually paid money to see Chris Rock's "Good Hair" MOCKumentary. The question is how did it fare? Did your curiosity take over and you simply had to go? The pre-release buzz was so great that even some black men went to see it - which of course tells me there was some serious foolishness going on.

Rock came back to Oprah's couch table Friday so they could discuss the "angry" emails she received. Well there was legitimate critique of this work by numerous writers, bloggers, etc. with the discernment to see how Rock lacks the emotional maturity to cover a subject of this magnitude with the respect it requires. She was very selective in what she chose to read on air. I know she didn't read my email to Harpo that's for sure. The criticism isn't about the subject but about airing dysfunction publicly and who is telling our stories and why.

If you notice Oprah is mocking the very women who objected and seems to be falling into the guard dog, soldier for black men role as she attacks another black woman for not blindly supporting her "man". Some have suggested that Oprah is a wholly divested from the "dead" black community mentality but if her latest actions are any indication she's not removed from "save the black man" mode. From breaking bread with the unrepentant former drug dealer (who glorifies it in his latest song with Alicia Keys) Jay-Z, to her continued support for Rock, Tyler Perry & Steve Harvey I have to wonder who she's trying to reach out to. If it's to others still thinking in terms of race above all personal self-interest then her embracing of them should bring relief to those that have long complained about her "not doing enough". Which is code for telling and expecting black women to run to the rescue of everyone (uplifting black men especially) to their detriment while offering nothing in turn.

Where is her support for projects that don't mock black women or have us in "suffering and struggling through oppression" mode? She can do whatever she likes but this one-sided view displayed of black women really bothers me. Between that limited view and perhaps catering to an audience of those that don't have a problem with these men not offering anything of value to the collective, those of us who want to see compelling yet uplifting stories are left out.

So back to the subject at hand, Regina Kimbell's lawsuit was (predictably) tossed. **I was given wrong information and can happily report the case is a go!!** As it turns out when she allowed Rock and his producers to view her documentary My Nappy Roots they weren't required to sign a non-disclosure agreement beforehand and wouldn't do so afterwards. It makes proving a copyright violation that much more difficult. This hearing will determine whether the case can proceed so let's keep our fingers crossed. This is the first step of a long road and appeals process.

Even the most savvy businessperson can get the shaft in Hollywood. Black women especially, we must be reminded time and time again to know our surroundings and the learn the rules of engagement in various social and business settings. People whose interest lie in making money are not our automatic friends and a person with a recognizable name is not our automatic ally. It would've been a different set of circumstances had they violated an agreement though as some of you may know from previous experience a contract is no guarantee of compliance or protection. Still it's better to have something.

If you're curious about her project though you can view a 15 minute clip here. Password: nappy. There's also a Facebook fan page you can sign up for. If your interest lies in exploring the spectrum of choices black women make in determining how to style their hair AND you want a true cultural/historical analysis (which is absent from Rock's trickle-down version) then go purchase this documentary instead. I'd love to see Ms. Kimbell try to get a distribution deal as the subject is now of interest to a wider audience (i.e. white people). It's time to make lemonade out of lemons. I also think Rock has got enough negative publicity (rightfully so) that less people will actually pay to see him making an a** of himself than he thinks. Those free screenings were packed for a reason.

Now back to the show commentary. When Oprah reads the email (which got a cut off a bit but I'd heard enough) from the woman who discusses how black men like to run their hands through silky hair I felt slightly dirty for listening. This poor woman is stuck in DBR-Ville, wasting her time fighting for those black men who have long left to go pursue their own interests. Predictably I bet we could surmise her life has consisted of giving too much and not getting anything in return or worse continuing to be used by some man for sex/food/shelter but not getting any of the benefits of true companionship. She may even think she wouldn't be found appealing to men of other groups.

What I found interesting was how Rock again tried to dismiss the core issue of what she was expressing by making a joke out of it. He discusses how he used to constantly have his hands in the hair of the non-black women he's dated (and cheated on his wife with as has been rumored) in a different portion of the show but he wants to try to invalidate her complaint. No, black women should not be "competing" with white women over black men. Or any other woman for that matter. Yes, other discerning women do recognize the weakness amongst many black men who seems to delight in the presence of any non-black woman regardless of her caliber. They make it so obvious! There are far too many good men out there looking for their Mrs. Right. Yes...a wife NOT a wifey. It's up to us to discern caliber over trash and how to play to win. That's so much better than what this woman is experiencing.

The other segment has a professional woman discussing how she doesn't want to be open for ridicule or rudeness. Oprah then proceeds to tell whites that seeing this MOCKumentary doesn't give them license to make assumptions about how black women style their hair but the damage has already been done. That ship has sailed. Black women's bodies are already on display and many whites still think they have a right to invade us out of curiosity. As if we're zoo specimens. Also since we've been so callously displayed as degraded sex objects by black men via hip-hop, etc. our image has already taken a huge beating.

It was also very disingenuous for Rock to make some fake moral statement about how secrets destroy people in relation to his documentary. He simply refused to discuss the influence of patriarchy and the desire for certain black men to escape their blackness by rejecting black women as mates as the root cause of this pursuit of "good" hair. It really isn't about white people. For many it's still about finding appeal amongst black men (specifically African American) which is a wasted effort as far as I'm concerned.

**By the way I want to do my own documentary about a subject matter sensitive to some black men: the myth of the giant penis. I can be chased down the street by Vienna sausages because oh my goodness that would be so funny. It's all in "good" humor, right? I'll get a panel of women to discuss how there's no real size difference amongst men of all groups. I would expect the same level of understanding and hands-off approach afforded to Rock.