Man Who Claims That He's Doing His "Best" For His Child
His best may not be what's in the best interest of that child but I guess that's open for debate. He's being rather vague about his activities and placing limitations on himself as if to say, "don't expect much from me". To be fair, there are a lot of fathers who are doing their best and due to unresolved issues between parents, the kids get stuck in the middle. Somehow though I suspect this particular man is someone who was not at his best to begin with so there's only so much room for growth. This is why it's very important for a woman to know how to choose the very best man possible if you are going to procreate. There's no guarantees, but like vegetables and fruit damage is recognizable if you know how to look for it. Unlike fruit you can't cut around it to make it palatable.
That goes both ways but is far too likely to swing far to one side than the other. I'd also ignore those statistics being touted as "fact" because they don't reflect the reality for the majority of the African-American population. There's a 70% out of wedlock birth rate and Black women are the least likely group to be married in this country. Black women also outnumber Black men and factoring in (illness, incarceration and other unsuitability if similar standards are applied that other women in the country use across the board) the pool of available AND quality Black men drops down to under 5%. If this is an example of a "typical" Black male who is going to be "transformed" because of an external factor: the Obama effect - then Black women are going to be extremely dissatisfied. I'd go as far as to say doomed, but that may sound too harsh. As the segment opened we were already informed the woman who mated with this man is greatly dissatisfied. Let this be a cautionary tale. I'd like the Tyra Show to continue this discussion and of course get perspectives from Black women and how they've been affected.
Tyra? really?
ReplyDeletediscussion on Tyra's show? really?
Good Morning, Faith!
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy your writing. I'm a "writing geek" who truly enjoys a well-crafted phrase or sentence. And you keep 'em coming!
You said, "There's no guarantees, but like vegetables and fruit damage is recognizable if you know how to look for it. Unlike fruit you can't cut around it to make it palatable."
True that!
You said, "... Black women also outnumber Black men and factoring in (illness, incarceration and other unsuitability if similar standards are applied that other women in the country use across the board) the pool of available AND quality Black men drops down to under 5%. If this is an example of a "typical" Black male who is going to be "transformed" because of an external factor: the Obama effect - then Black women are going to be extremely dissatisfied. I'd go as far as to say doomed, but that may sound too harsh." [emphasis added]
This is a critical point that you mentioned. BW need to do several things in order to have the same oppportunities for healthy, wholesome marriages that every other race of woman enjoys:
1-STOP grading BM on a curve. BM don't grade BW on a curve when it comes to physical appearance. BW need to adhere to similar, GLOBAL standards when evaluating a man.
2-STOP restricting ourselves to "nothing but a BM."
3-Any BW who's serious about Step #2 will have to STOP socializing in all-Black environments. We all know what happens in all-Black social settings. A much larger number of BW are competing for the attention of an ever-shrinking pool of eligible BM.
This pattern is upside-down and backwards in terms of what have been NORMAL and FUNCTIONAL behavior patterns in human societies throughout recorded history.
4-Any BW who's serious about Step #3 will have to mentally prepare herself to leave her all-Black comfort zone; and navigate other social arenas.
BW are only doomed if we continue to restrict ourselves to an ever-shrinking and TOXIC all-Black mating pool.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
"grading on a curve" so funny yet so true
ReplyDelete@Brother Omi:
ReplyDeleteI first heard it from a blogger named Focused Purpose. It was too funny to forget!
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Brother OMi: Yeah I realize people have to be met at their level. Tyra's demo is not targeting me but I can still flex my critical thinking skills in evaluating the topics she covers.
ReplyDeleteKhadija: Thanks for the compliments. I always get a lot out of your posts as well! I recognize this ongoing pathology of what I'll call excuse-making and black male protectionism w/no boundaries a lot quicker now.